I missed?

March 7, 2013
By LittleRedFox GOLD, Jacksonville, Florida
LittleRedFox GOLD, Jacksonville, Florida
13 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Help me mother, save me father. Keep me from fading away. Send me hope. Send me love. Remind me your not far away." The quote can mean whatever you want it to, but to me, it's about God, Our Father, and Mary, Our Mother.


That's weird thought Cupid. I've never hit the wrong person like that before. He scratched his head and flew down, hovering over his first miss. She was an petite-sized, pale blond haired woman, with pale skin and icy blue eyes; she looked angelic, almost. Cupid marveled at this beauty as she walked down the streets of the New York square, not noticing anything but the subway station ahead of her. She was wearing a pair of black knee high boots with a few buckles on them, and a semi-low cut light brown floral dress. Cupid decided he'd keep an eye on her for today and disappeared.

*Alice's POV*

Alice walked hastily toward her subway station, she would've walked faster if the boots she was wearing weren't so hard for her to walk in. She hated these boots her Aunt had made her wear, she preferred her converse and a pair of jeans. She didn't understand why she agreed to take this job, she hated the loud noise of the city, the vulgar language of road raged drivers, and most of all the feelings she got whenever she saw Him.

This "him" was her boss Jared, an arrogant, cocky, sleaze ball of a man. He was flirt, that was for sure, always hitting on every girl in the office, running his hands through his slicked back black hair. She hated his hair, it made him look like an Elvis impersonator. She hated everything about him, but she loved him too.


The author's comments:
This is a blog post I did for school, I'm thinking about continuing it. Although, I would love some opinions on it!!

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This article has 2 comments.


on Mar. 25 2013 at 12:57 pm
LittleRedFox GOLD, Jacksonville, Florida
13 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Help me mother, save me father. Keep me from fading away. Send me hope. Send me love. Remind me your not far away." The quote can mean whatever you want it to, but to me, it's about God, Our Father, and Mary, Our Mother.

Thank you for pointing out those errors for me. :) And I guess I just like the "icey, blue" but I'll try it the other way. :) Thanks for your feedback!!

PhalenRhude said...
on Mar. 14 2013 at 5:26 pm
Just a few grammatical errors I'd like to point out.

She was a* petite-sized woman, not an. Her aunt*. Aunt should not be capitalized in the middle of a sentence.

Him, capitalized in the middle of a sentence normally refers to a god or an almighty power.
  He was a* flirt. You left out the "a".

Also, on the last sentence rather than it be, "She hated everything about him, but she loved him too." I think it would be more powerful to say, "She hated him, every little thing, every last detail. But what she couldn't understand is why she was starting to fall in love with him." Why do her eyes have to be "icy blue", why can't they be "a soft, light blue" or, "her blue eyes shined with an emphatic light". It makes you more sympathetic to the character when you read positive details about them, especially if they're the main character.

Finally, it's only ever a POV (point of view) if it is in the first person.

Keep writing, I'd like to see where this goes. 


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