Zeus's Sweet Revenge

March 5, 2013
Zeus stormed into the kitchen, the double doors swinging wildly behind him. I can’t take it anymore! He ripped off his “My Ambrosia Is Better than Hestia’s” apron and threw it onto the flour-covered chrome countertop, causing a cloud of white powder to explode. Zeus sighed. Great! Another problem to add to my ever-growing list. At least this one can be solved easily. He snapped his godly fingers and all the flour disappeared. Now, what to do about Kronos…

Kronos was the epitome of harsh. Being a judge on God Food? And a master chef himself, Kronos was never satisfied with anything his students created. Not even his favorite nectar-drizzled-flan made by his protégé, Zeus, was always passable in his eyes. It would take a miracle for old Kronos to write me a recommendation letter for Ambrosia Academy. Hyperion and Oceanus have both showered the school with praises about me; why can’t Kronos just agree with them and let me move on with my life? I need to get a diploma from the academy, or Hera’s parents will never let me near their daughter again…

As Zeus was pondering his fate and thinking of ways to get his mentor to pass him (Asking Brother Hades to bribe Kronos? Begging Uncle Hypnos to make Kronos write me the recommendation?), a wicked thought came to his mind. What if there was no more Kronos? What if I got rid of him? Nothing else would stop me from securing that diploma then! Zeus decided to pay a visit to his favorite cousin, Medea.

“Zeus! What a surprise it is to see you!” exclaimed Medea as one of her servants raised the portcullis of her five-story tall Gothic villa. She rushed outside, and the two cousins embraced.

“How are you, Zeus? What brings you to my lair today?” asked Medea after they drew apart.

“Well, I actually have a favor to ask you,” replied Zeus. His eyes darted warily around the courtyard. “Is there a place we can speak without being overheard?”

“Ooh! Sounds suspicious, Zeus. What have you been doing now?” teased Medea.

“I’m not doing anything!” Zeus protested indignantly. Then he dropped his voice and whispered, “At least, not yet.”

“Hmm…I want to hear what this is about. Come with me.” Medea strode into her castle followed closely by Zeus. The two cousins entered the vast parlor, and as Zeus gawked at the black silk tapestries and obsidian busts, Medea asked her servants to bring some coffee.

Zeus took a sip from his steaming cup. “Mmm…Medea, this is delicious! Do I detect a hint of hazelnut in your coffee?”

Medea laughed delightedly. “Always the connoisseur, aren’t you, Zeus? But yes, this is my secret recipe for hazelnut-nectar coffee.” She set down her own cup and laced her finely-manicured fingers together on her lap. “Okay, enough chit-chat now. Tell me about this…favor.”

Zeus leaned forward conspiratorially. “First promise me that whatever we say in here from now on stays in here. Don’t let anything leak out.” Zeus watched his sorceress cousin put up a few protection wards around the parlor before continuing, “Here’s my favor: can you concoct a slow-acting, odorless poison for me? Oh, and it can’t be traced in food.”

Medea hesitated. “Of course I can, Zeus, but why do you need a poison?”

“I’d like too keep that to myself, if you don’t mind.”

Medea stared back coldly. “You know I don’t make deals if I don’t get anything in return. Because you’re my cousin, Zeus, I won’t charge you the usual one-hundred-fifty golden drachma fee for my services. But I demand an answer from you. No reason, no poison.”

Zeus reluctantly agreed. He told his cousin about his sinister plan to get rid of Kronos, adding that he helped to use one of Medea’s well-known potions to do so.

“I don’t know…” Medea mused. “I mean, I’ve got nothing against murder. If I hadn’t killed my brother Apsyrtus, I never would have gotten Jason, even if he did betray me in the end,” Medea added darkly. “Anyway, I don’t think you should kill Kronos; he’s the best judge on God Food?! I only watch the show because of his hilariously sarcastic critiques of the contestants’ food. If you poison Kronos, God Food? will lose a wonderful judge!”

Zeus snorted impatiently. “Please. God Food? will survive without Kronos; there are dozens of other judges who are just as sarcastic as he is. Good thing they don’t mentor me, or I’d have a massacre on my godly hands.”

“All right, all right,” Medea laughed. “I’ll help you. But I recommend using a strong sleeping draught on Kronos instead, and then tossing him into one of those super-godly-sized Magic Bullet blenders sold on those two-minute infomercials between each segment of God Food?. It’s easier to clean up that way, and all the evidence of a potion being used will be obliterated.”

“Hmm…you have a point, Medea.” Zeus crossed his arms and leaned back into the velvet cushions of his sofa. “But won’t people be suspicious of Kronos’s death? With the poison, people will only think that he contracted a bad, incurable virus from his food, or something, but with your plan, people will definitely investigate into why Kronos’s ashes were found in a Magic Bullet blender.”

Medea scoffed. “Please. We don’t have powers for nothing, Zeus. Just ask Uncle Hypnos to cast a really strong hypnotizing spell over everyone. I’ll trick him into dong so by using one of my milder hypnosis potions on him.” Seeing Zeus’s worried expression, Medea continued, “It’s going to be fine, Zeus. You know I’m both powerful and persuasive. Trust me. No one will ask any questions by the end of our operation. It will be as if Kronos had never existed.”

A few days later, Zeus entered his kitchen with a vial of Medea’s strongest sleeping draught in his hands. He set it aside and started preparing Kronos’s favorite dessert. Once he finished mixing the usual ingredients for flan together, Zeus poured the contents of the vial into the mixture and let the liquid congeal in the fridge. A few hours later, Zeus took the hardened flan out, arranged it nicely on a fine china plate, and drizzled sweet nectar over the pudding. He then carried his masterpiece outside where Kronos waited impatiently.

Zeus set the beautifully prepared dessert in front of his teacher. He straightened up, and with a voice as smooth as Apollo’s music, he said, “I’m sorry, Sir, for not meeting your requirements these past few months. I know that your holding me back from being admitted to Ambrosia Academy is only for my own good. This is why I made your favorite flan today; I wanted to thank you for being such an amazing teacher, and I wanted to apologize for my atrocious behavior a few days ago when I stormed out on you without your dismissal. Please accept this dessert as compensation, Sir.”

Kronos grunted. “Well, even if you aren’t worthy of studying at Ambrosia Academy, you sure do know how to please someone, I’ll give you that…” Kronos picked up his fork and took a bite out of the flan. “Hmm…I must admit, Zeus, this is not as bad as I thought it’d be…the nectar really does enhance—”

Kronos suddenly stopped speaking and toppled forward, faceplanting himself onto the plate of flan. Zeus eagerly reached across the table and shook his teacher violently. Seeing that Kronos had been utterly overtaken by Morpheus, Zeus scooped his mentor up from the chair, carried him into the kitchen, and deposited him into the super-godly-sized Magic Bullet blender Medusa had ordered.

Closing the lid of the blender, Zeus gleefully rubbed his hands together and exclaimed, “Kronos! Your life is in my hands now. I could let you out, you know, but I’m not going to because of the way you treated me before. Too bad you didn’t think twice about torturing me. You shall pay for what you did! Goodbye, Sir!” At the touch of the power button, Kronos dissolved into nothingness.

A few weeks later, Zeus gained his acceptance letter into Ambrosia Academy. He immediately paid a visit to Hera’s parents, who finally allowed him to court their daughter. Hypnos had also fulfilled his part of the plan, thanks to Medea, and to her delight, God Food? had a new judge who was even harsher than Kronos. Zeus eventually graduated from Ambrosia Academy with flying colors, and the name Kronos was never again mentioned on Mount Olympus.

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This article has 3 comments. Post your own now!

Zozey said...
Mar. 9, 2013 at 9:32 am
Haha! I just have to say if Zeus were real, you would so be blasted by lightning, but it was really funny! I love the whole idea, though I wasn't particualy thrilled by Kronos being his teacher. Zeus is soposed to hate Kronos, his father and Kronos would try to take over the world if he escaped from the underworld. Maybe you should have used someone else. Other than that though, really good job!
BlossomVonYumYum replied...
Mar. 12, 2013 at 1:13 am
lol you're right! Zeus would probably kill me for writing about him like this :P 
awwww, I'm sorry you didn't like the whole Kronos being a teacher thing. I just wanted to make him and Zeus be at odds with each other, and this teacher-student relationship just popped into my mind. 
Thanks for liking the rest of the story though! You're comment means a lot to me :)
BlossomVonYumYum replied...
Mar. 12, 2013 at 1:14 am
oops, sorry! That should have been "your" instead of "you're" :P
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