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Angel Boy

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Once there was a boy who had a special ability. When I say “ability” I mean he is a demon hunter. Yes a demon hunter, you know a creepy creature killer. Anyway his name is Dante. Also if you are wondering, his hair is like fire and he wears leather as black as a raven. His weapon is a scythe but it is very decorative.
After a long day of work he went to scout his area for creatures. After a few hours of disappointment he headed home. On his way home he found a cloaked figure who was crying. In its hands were a sword and a feather. He looked closer to see its face. It was a beautiful young women with silver eyes and white hair. When he went to comfort her she stood up and screamed. Dante fainted to see light flowing off the same women but she had wings that were the color of candlelight. Also her sword looked like flowing water. All of the sudden she dove at him with the sword.
When she hit there was a loud thump, a bang, and pain ran through him. Then he woke up. He must have been dreaming… or was he.



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MiniterrorThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 20 at 12:32 pm:
It has an interesting story, but it requires better parallel structure.
 
MiniterrorThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 20 at 12:39 pm :
You should also lenghthen some of the sentences. I can understand making it sound comfortable, but some of the sentences are very informal.
 
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