The Beginning

September 23, 2012
By toto1601 BRONZE, Springs Co., Colorado
toto1601 BRONZE, Springs Co., Colorado
4 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
― Oscar Wilde

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
― Dr. Seuss

“It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.”
― Maurice Switzer


“’The beginning of what’” you may have found yourself asking as you turned looking at the title to the first chapter. “’The beginning of the story’” you may have found yourself reasoning with your inner most thoughts. Then you may have began to sit the book back down realizing that it may be just like any other book ever made that named the first chapter the beginning. There is where you’re wrong though. This is not just the beginning of a story but the beginning of a life. A life, whether it is lived in the best way possible or in the worst way, is still a life. So that’s where I will begin my story, as the introduction of a new life.
The cries of the new baby radiated down the hallway causing old and young to turn their heads to get a glimpse at the new born baby. It was a girl in which her parents, Nelena and Connor Whitman, had decided that the best name for such a beautiful new girl should be Ash Lyn; a name that had been passed down from generation to generation of each first born girl. Ash Lyn was an exceptionally beautiful little girl though. She had hazel eyes, light brown skin, and black straight hair. As her parents looked down at their gorgeous new baby girl they smiled, and even with her eyes closed it was as if she could feel them smiling down on her.
As they lied Ash Lyn down in her basinet that night she opened her mouth and to their surprise out came the words “momma” and “dada”.. For an instant she had an odd glow to her face and it seemed to age 10 years. Connor turned to give Nelena a shocked look, yet when he looked at Nelena she seemed unfazed by their daughter’s new found words. Her face was plain and all the blood had drained from her face and she stood amazingly still. Almost like a statue. Connor reached out his hand to touch Nelena, as he touched her his hand froze and his whole body felt cold.
Connor snatched back his hand, “Nelena!” He yelled. At that second Ash Lyn’s face turned bloodshot red and she let out a menacing cry of pain. Nelena seemed to be shaken out of her alien like statue state and reached for Ash Lyn.
“She’s burning up,” Nelena said.
“I’ll go get something to cool her down,” her father said running out of the room forgetting instantly what had just happened a minute ago.

Nelena reached down and touched the baby again so gently, “Breathe baby it’s going to be ok,” Nelena’s hand turned a bright red color and began to glow. Instantly the red from Ash Lyn’s face drained and her temperature was normal again. Ash Lyn let out a slight whimper and cuddled back into her covers.

At that instance Connor came running back into the room with an ice pack. “Ok I got an ice pack but we may need to take her back to the hospital,” he said as he came back into the room, “wait,” he said looking back at Nelena, “she looks fine now, what did you do?”
“I don’t know, maybe I have that special touch,” Nelena replied giving Connor a slight smile.
“You probably do,” Connor said back giving her a questionable smile and then returning back to the baby, shaking slightly. “But just in case,” he put the ice pack near Ash Lyn and felt her head again. “I’m going to get something to drink… Do you want something?”


“Sure, I’ll be right down.” Nelena smiled at Connor reassuringly as he walked out of the room. When he was no longer within ear shot she bent down and whispered into Ash Lyn’s little ear, “I’ll have to teach you how to contain your heat,” she then kissed her on her forehead and walked away.


The author's comments:
This is the first chapter of a book that I am writing... I really want to get peoples opinions on it before I really continue on with the book. I would really appreciate critiques and opinions.

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This article has 5 comments.


on Nov. 25 2012 at 7:58 pm
delilah_manhatten SILVER, Chester, Montana
8 articles 5 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
They love to tell you stay inside the lines but something's better on the other side. Johnaten Mayer

Good thing you read the last two words to my comment! :)

on Nov. 24 2012 at 6:54 pm
toto1601 BRONZE, Springs Co., Colorado
4 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
― Oscar Wilde

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
― Dr. Seuss

“It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.”
― Maurice Switzer

thank you very much=-)

on Nov. 23 2012 at 5:31 pm
delilah_manhatten SILVER, Chester, Montana
8 articles 5 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
They love to tell you stay inside the lines but something's better on the other side. Johnaten Mayer

I love the very begeinning. Your hook really sucked be in!

on Nov. 5 2012 at 5:52 pm
toto1601 BRONZE, Springs Co., Colorado
4 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
― Oscar Wilde

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
― Dr. Seuss

“It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.”
― Maurice Switzer

thank you so much=-) i will totally take a look at it to make it better

on Nov. 5 2012 at 3:26 pm
JunieSparrow BRONZE, Dallas, Georgia
4 articles 0 photos 15 comments
I like it... it's a little confusing though.  Probably you could cut the first bit about why it's "the beginning."  That's a little distracting.  But once it got started it was interesting.  I'm curious now....




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