August 16, 2012
By MineSkipe SILVER, Sunshine Coast, Other
MineSkipe SILVER, Sunshine Coast, Other
5 articles 0 photos 7 comments

My head bursting with regret as blood circles down my face. The dead fog just hides the faces of death around the graveyard. As I walk around, the full moon seemed to grow. My life in the hands of my nemesis, then the last voice I wanted to hear spoke my name.
“Jack,” A smooth calm voice called. “ You know what you must do to save your self!”
“ But how?” I asked. “I am locked here looking at my destiny, I can not!”
“ You are week Jack you must rest, or nothing will stop-,”
The voice in my head broke in to a million pieces as I stare at the dull ground of Sydney. I don’t really remember what happened next because it was a big blur but I guess I fell asleep. How I got here was confusingly horrendous. Now that I think about it, it really started a few months ago on my birthday. I was turning thirteen. I just live with my Dad and my giant dog called Jimmy Du Fish, Yeah it’s a wired name for a dog but who cares. Imagine a giant chawawa with tons of saliva coming out of its mouth every second, well that’s Jimmy. My dads name is Johno, my dad has a giant bushy cave man beard with straight black hair and eighties clothes. We’re pretty pore because we don’t have a car; we live in a tiny unit that luckily allows pets even though Jimmy looks like a monster and I don’t go to school. That’s how we need to live to afford a decent meal every night. My dad just brought me a deck of cards for my birthday but I didn’t really care I was just glad he didn’t give me a banana like last year. My dad never went to school either or really anywhere as a kid so we didn’t know any card games, so we made up our own like shazaz or munteriny. My favourite game that we play is zaxamillenia where you need to guess what all of the other player’s cards are, if I win I get a banana if dad wins he gets a hug. I was playing shazaz by myself when I came across a glowing card. It was a joker but he was a glowing purple, he seemed to move and wink at me before I could go to show Dad it started to flash and I was in some sort of multi coloured whirl pool. It didn’t make any sense and I was to confused to scream or do anything. My mind was going a million miles and hour trying to figure out what was going on but I was still to confused. After about ten minuets I noticed I was still holding the joker card, but now it was glowing green and the joker was… Laughing?

The author's comments:
found it while roaming through my old stories

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This article has 2 comments.

on Aug. 22 2012 at 1:15 am
MineSkipe SILVER, Sunshine Coast, Other
5 articles 0 photos 7 comments
thanks, I wrote this about 2 years ago; when I was just starting out.

on Aug. 21 2012 at 2:00 pm
augustsun02 SILVER, Hamburg, New Jersey
9 articles 0 photos 76 comments

Favorite Quote:
Write. It doesn't matter if you're overjoyed, furious, miserable, or what. Write to keep those emotions in check while managing to grow stronger.

Okay, so I'm not exactly a fan of the random cliff-hanger ending. The plot itself was very creative and I feel you could probably expand upon the idea. I did spot a few spelling errors. Another thing is that you tended to switch tenses. You went from past tense to present tense and vice versa. Something like that not only confuses the reader, but it also makes them less enthralled by the story. Other than that, you did a pretty good job.

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