Masquerade Journey | Teen Ink

Masquerade Journey

August 3, 2012
By albinotiger GOLD, Gloucester, Massachusetts
albinotiger GOLD, Gloucester, Massachusetts
13 articles 0 photos 187 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win"- Stephen King
“In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate”- Isaac Asimov


Chapter One

Inside The Mask

Drip drip drip



Water from the sky continues to fall on my window as I lie still, but very much awake. The door creeks open while flashes of light make the room visible for my eyes.


CRACK!

Drip drip drip


My eyes focus on the ceiling as my mind wanders about. The material that I am concealed in does make my itch. I throw the discomfort able covers off and sit up from my cold bed. Another crack and another flash, I step down onto the icy wooden floor.


Drip drip drip drip


I stand alone in the darkness as I walk swiftly to a restful chair. I sit down and stare blamelessly at the colorless walls. My fingers glide over worthless objects that I had left on my desk. Thunderous noises pain my tired mind and shake the empty room.


Drip drip

BOOM!


I inhale impatiently, waiting for the rumble to stop and for another strike of light. The commotion out side increases vigorously. Does the nature of this world know that people are trying to sleep in this ungodly hour?


People not including me.


Drip drip drip

Flash!


Finally! Fro a moment the glass on the wall reflects my image. I am awfully proud of the way that I have turned out, a success in my personal opinion. Another flash of lighting, which gives me another look, at my mask of a face. The hair on the head is boring blond, more darkened than I have wanted for. The skin is a not to pale and the shape of the face is round. Over all I am glad that it does call for attention.

My eyes pierce through my dull masquerade and it shows the only sign of the real me. My eyes originally should have been changed; they offered to change them to a dull brown. Though I couldn’t have departed from navy blue eyes. They appear so dark that times they appear a shade of black.

After all, eyes are the window to the soul.



Drip drip drip


“What are you doing awake?”

I twist while she stands there in her night robes standing in the hall way. Thunder clashes in the background. She flickers the light bulbs on and my eyelids close at the unexpected pain. I shrug to answer her question and turn back to the mirror.

She sighs, “Yah the storm is a little bit loud but im sure you’ll be able to sleep through it.”

I disregard her last statement. She walks over closer to me so I can see her reflection looking down at me.

“Is there anything bothering you?” She asks feebly.

I can’t believe a woman of her age could be so stupid at times. If I did have anything bothering me, the last thing I would want to do is talk about it to her kind.

I continued to stare at the reflection until she yawned and told me “Well, im going back to bed, and you should too.”

I watch her reflection leave the room leaving the light on.


Drip drip drip


Her kind is so blind. They only see what they want to see, and that’s the best in people.

That’s their most crucial mistake.


I saunter over to the light switch on the wall. I pushed it down and the room became all dark.

I amble back over to find the bed, but I turn to have one final look at my reflection for the night.

I turn and smile, because even though there was no flashes of light, I could still notice my eyes glowing navy blue in the dark hours of the night.


The author's comments:
Well, I wrote this part and I don't know what happens next. Write some comments and give me ideas, it may become a novel if I write more.

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This article has 13 comments.


EttieGH GOLD said...
on Jul. 30 2014 at 11:30 am
EttieGH GOLD, Mbabane, Other
15 articles 2 photos 46 comments
That was really great! I love the way the piece was carried out in a new and different way, made it sound waaay more interesting. I think you should give writing it as a novel a go:)

on Aug. 15 2013 at 10:51 am
DawnieRae BRONZE, Lancaster, Ohio
3 articles 0 photos 218 comments
This is really good!!!!

on Aug. 18 2012 at 6:33 am
BorderlineGenius777 SILVER, Lewiston, Idaho
7 articles 0 photos 80 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If all our misfortunes were laid in one common heap, whence everyone must take an equal portion, most would be content to take their own and depart."- Socrates

very interesting. a few typos, but nothing major. wonderfu; work, truly.

Meonly BRONZE said...
on Aug. 16 2012 at 10:10 pm
Meonly BRONZE, Granite Falls, Minnesota
4 articles 0 photos 10 comments
I love it and how you keeps you reading and gives you curiosity. but as others said would fix a few typos but they were not too hard to figure out!

on Aug. 15 2012 at 2:36 pm
BalladOfMonaLisa PLATINUM, Na, Other
24 articles 0 photos 65 comments

Favorite Quote:
To love and to be loved; to hurt and to be hurt. These are the ideals that make up humanity. ~Me (Lisa)

This is really good! I would suggest some minor grammatical changes, but other then that, it's awesome! Thanks for suggesting this to me :)

on Aug. 14 2012 at 6:22 pm
malaikah SILVER, Chapel Hill, North Carolina
5 articles 0 photos 5 comments
i want to know more about the main character... her name, her appearance, her age. after all, if she's 6, how do we know that this isn't just a nightmare, or her imagination. 

on Aug. 12 2012 at 10:16 am
fidgetyfrog GOLD, Panchkula, Other
12 articles 40 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"- Dr. Seuss

wow.  That sure was incredibile. The periodic 'dripping' gave it an eire touch the ending left you crying for more.  But dont. Dont make it a novel. Wont do it no justice.

on Aug. 11 2012 at 7:57 pm
jmac1780 BRONZE, Staten Island, New York
2 articles 0 photos 30 comments
That was amazing! I love your use of imagery, it was all very vivid and clear, and I felt like I was right there! Excellent writing skills, keep it up! xoxo

on Aug. 11 2012 at 3:24 pm
TheSihlouettedMan BRONZE, Hinckley, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There is something more to the knowledge that allows us to see. Some rely on logic to be their eyes. Others believe they know what logic is. But to be completely faithful in logic, you must someday realize that it points to the incomprehensible."

To me, I think it sounds more like a poem than a story. Also, I'll be honest that I didn't exactly understand it. That's probably just me, but I will say that you are a skilled writer. I can see easily that you are very descriptive.

on Aug. 10 2012 at 2:41 pm
AcidRoses SILVER, Elmont, New York
8 articles 0 photos 106 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Many that live deserve death and some that have died deserve life, can you give that to them? Do not be to hasty to deal out death and judgement, even the very wise cannot see all ends."


"Can't get no more free randy!"

I loved it, the imagery that you created in the story was great. I could picture the character with navy blue eyes looking into that glass. I also could relate when the narrator commented on how blind the woman's "kind," was. Although you really say what the kind was, I could relate because we all get like that. All in all, great piece. And I loved the line, when the narrator said they liked what they say because even in the darkness they say navy blue eyes. To me that represents hope, and is a fitting end to this part of the short story. I hope you continue!

on Aug. 9 2012 at 11:46 am
albinotiger GOLD, Gloucester, Massachusetts
13 articles 0 photos 187 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win"- Stephen King
“In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate”- Isaac Asimov

kylieK thank u so much 4 the comments. i loved the ranting (i do it all the time) and im glad that u acually understood my piece!! THANK U SO MUCH!! :)

KylieK GOLD said...
on Aug. 8 2012 at 7:40 pm
KylieK GOLD, Mt. Washington, Kentucky
11 articles 0 photos 270 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To love is to surpass one's self."

(The giant spaces between my sentences were intended to be indented.)

KylieK GOLD said...
on Aug. 8 2012 at 7:38 pm
KylieK GOLD, Mt. Washington, Kentucky
11 articles 0 photos 270 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To love is to surpass one's self."

I believe this is worth ranting about. And, I happen to specialize in ranting, so, here I go.   I love the artistic lines in this. The way you keep bringing the audience back to the rain was suprisingly structured, and you didn't overdo it, (which is a common, but terrible, mistake in free verse flutters of noise/background artistic narraraton).   My first observation was that the character is insomniatic. In the third paragraph, I start understanding the idea that she approaches things with a bleak perspective, and how she comes off as depressed (the fractions of sentences where you described things as "colorless", "worthless," and "empty.") It's very polished how you did that. And, by the fourth paragraph and on, you imply how she is attractive, yet she feels to be not enough, (invisible, maybe), and you leave the trails of insecurity, which makes her, vulnerable. (Audiences love vulnerability in characters; It's what makes them feel invited and connected.)   When I came across the line, "her kind is so blind", it reminds me of quite a few people I know, actually. It also invited the audience into an idea of the characteristics of the woman with the robe (the Mother, right?) You managed to make me favor both of them; For their darkness, and, the qualities that made them seem- vulnerable.   I would suggest you change, "yah". That typically isn't accepted with an expanded story, (as you mention in your "author's notation", how you wish to expand this to a novel. Which is a nice idea).   The ending was just fabulous. During the entire piece, you noted the character's insecurities of herself. But the second I read that last phrase, "I could still notice my eyes glowing navy blue in the dark hours of the night" you portrayed a tiny sense of closure within the character- the evident acceptance of herself. I loved that.   5 stars.   P.S. If you ARE going to expand it, I happen to have some noveling experience. I could really help you with the process.   Let me know!