Round, bony skin. I don’t need to see it when I teach. A trend that makes me want to drag my nails across the chalkboard. Off-shoulder shirts.

The way you girls strut with your shoulder exposed, for the world to see. The way your words are lopsided on your shirt as though your shoulders are the Queen of England! Don’t let those things take over your life. Look at it from my point of view. There I am, in the crowded halls seeing all kinds of students, wonderful students. Everywhere I glance, I see the occasional shoulder, which bothers me so much, I think I might die of a heart attack! That just ruins my day! Instead of nice gowns and petticoats, I see hot pink nuisances draped around a woman’s shoulders. Never do I hear students saying, “Look at Ms. Dinkledorf, let’s be considerate to the best 91 year-old teacher ever and just stop wearing those prissy, diva shirts!” Of course, it may be just a dream of mine that young ladies and gentlemen wear the glamorous attire that I wore back...when?

Thus, don’t start Revolutionary War 2 girls. I don’t want to be those British soldiers fighting you American wonders. I’ve already went through the Revolutionary War once! Furthermore, I want to let you know that I, too, was a girl once upon a time. And I want to assure you that if anyone feels insecure about not wearing off-shoulder shirts, I will gladly be here for you. If you want proper fashion advice, you can rely on me!

Here’s how to prevent the fashion ambulance from visiting West Decker High! First, stop shopping at those old, musty stores. Start shopping at those amazing depots that provide the finest! Take my mother, for example. She would only let me dress as a sophisticated, young lady. She would only let me wear brown, gray, white or black (on special occasions, softly colored lace!!). And if you want to know a real fun fact-there was no such thing as neon when I was your age! Without all your accessories and bright colors, I had to dress like what you would call boredom...and I turned out just fine!

Hence, I want this off-shoulder shirt revolution to end! In fact, join my new club (see me for details) to stop this nonsensical act of shame! Together, we can change the future, one shirt disposal at a time!