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I find myself in a dark, caged world. Grey walls cover this world, but a dim light squeezes through the faraway window. Broken toys, dolls, and other knick knacks shelved high above the space around me, staring at me with melancholic eyes, a curious interest.

My arms won’t move and my legs won’t work. I am an empty shell, tossed away into the darkness. Somehow, I can sense and feel things no one else could. I feel the melancholy and sorrow of a world that was once alive.

Clang! Clang…Clung! A little girl hunches over a metal object, lying on a stool. Quiet murmurs whisper from the distant corner. Clang! Clang! Clang! She holds a rusty hammer that had gone through many times of smashing. The object emanates a mystifying light.
Clang! Clang…Clunk! The girl hammers the object with intense concentration in her dark corner. Her dusty, sandy hair ruffles as she hits the object, strike after strike. Her body is as thin as a twig, as she wears a woolen sweater covered with dirt, her face covered in grime, and her eyes, sleepless. Her hands are covered in dirt and scars, with years of neglect and abuse. Feverishly, she continues to pound the glowing object.

Clang! Clang! Clang! She stops hammering and gently picks up the object. The object vibrates as the girl slowly walks up to me. In her hands, is a glowing metal orb, emitting a mesmeric golden light that radiates a nostalgic feeling.

The girl bends down in front of me and opens my chest. Her dark eyes focus on my parts as she inserts the orb. She gives me a gentle smile. “There you go.”

My chest feels warmer and my body as light as a feather. Slowly, I begin to feel a small warmth build inside my chest. Carefully, I prop myself against the wall and on my rusted legs. They creak and cringe every time I try to stand. The girl jerks and unscrews several parts to loosen me up, then grabs a small mirror sprawled out with the toys.

I take a good look at myself. My head is an iron grey bucket, with two punched out holes - the top was rusted; my arms, legs, and chest are corroded beyond repair. My hands, as big as my head, are twice the size of the girl.

She opens up my chest, revealing the golden orb floating inside. “That orb is what keeps you alive young one. Do not lose it.” She closes it and hands me a sparkling diamond necklace; dangling delicately alone.

“Give this to the person you trust the most. Venture out into the world and explore new things,” she says, “and don’t come back until you do so. Go! Before he returns.”

Brrrrrrmmmm. The ground shakes under my feet. Toys fall on the floor bouncing around as the rumbling drew nearer.
BOOM!
Quick as a flash, the walls break as the lonely world disappears. With her last strength, the girl forms a magical sphere around me.
Flash! I am gone.

I find myself lying on a rocky cliff, facing the vibrant sea shore. The waves roar as the winds howl through the ominous skies. The two burning suns blaze with brilliance over the murky waters. I turn around to face a dark castle, as high as the suns, perched in a nearby cliff. The empty world I was once in, disappears.

I open my chest to find the necklace. The diamond center shimmers with mystery. I grasp the necklace tightly in my hands, running across the seashore and into a deep dark world. I vow to myself that I would find that girl, and someday return to her.





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This article has 20 comments. Post your own now!

AlwaysAbditive said...
Jul. 31, 2012 at 10:31 pm
This is very interesting. I really like your imagery and your onomatopoeia is great as well. Very mysterious piece, maybe you'd like to continue?
 
WSwilliams replied...
Aug. 1, 2012 at 11:35 am
Interested? There's a sequel called "Divinity" and another one called "Sanctuary" Be sure to check it out!
 
AlwaysAbditive said...
Jul. 31, 2012 at 10:31 pm
This is very interesting. I really like your imagery and your onomatopoeia is great as well. Very mysterious piece, maybe you'd like to continue?
 
mariathepinkie said...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 4:24 pm
Absolutely loved it. You have incredible imagery, and a mystical style unlike anything i have read before. This story is alive with so much emotion and description, and that is the result of your imagination and creativity! keep up that imagination in all your work, great things can come from that alone. 
 
Waffuleez said...
Jul. 20, 2012 at 7:37 am
Umm, so, like, wow. This is awesome! :D  And did I see that there's a sequel?? Hmmm, I'm going to have to go look for that... Anyway, this was fantastic! Great job :)
 
InkWriter13 said...
Jul. 19, 2012 at 10:29 pm
WOW! this is amazing. Great work, truly. It captured all the way from the beginning through the end. Distinct writing style, nice clarity of thought, fascianting imagination. I enjoyed this thoroughly. Would love to read the sequel. Would you please comment on my work titled In the Music and I am Found?
 
WSwilliams replied...
Jul. 20, 2012 at 8:37 am
well, I'm busy with my own writing for the summer, and i have to read a lot of things, so i'll eventually get to it.
 
writer_girl said...
Jun. 1, 2012 at 10:05 am
This is a great story. I can't wait to read the sequel! :)
 
TTTeeSS said...
May 24, 2012 at 4:45 pm
Very interesting idea, would love to read more.
 
WSwilliams replied...
May 26, 2012 at 7:58 pm
There is actually a sequel called "Divinity" that i think you should check out.
 
jackiee129 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 12, 2012 at 2:03 pm
I love the ambiguity of this piece, it kept me wondering about it after i read it. I think a sequel would be really good to maybe explain things further. Aside from one or two problems with tenses I loved the sentence struture and word choices. very original an creative!
 
WSwilliams replied...
May 13, 2012 at 8:02 am
Thank you! I did write a sequel for this and I'm just waiting for it to be online.
 
TouchOfARose said...
Apr. 28, 2012 at 4:32 pm
This was great! I really enjoyed how you gradually built upon showing the work, and perhaps desperation, that the little girl put into making the protagonist. I am sooo curious as to the background for all of this. Like what "he" is, or what the little girl is doing there, or maybe why/how she can and did make the glowing orb. This is all so intriguing!
I was a little bit confused as to what exactly the narrator was, whether some form of robot or cyborg, maybe even a homunculus.
But i... (more »)
 
WSwilliams replied...
Apr. 28, 2012 at 6:45 pm
Thanks TouchOfARose! If you want anything reviewed, check my forum "Feedback,Comment,Rate". This story was kinda underated and if you can, i'd like you to take a look at a story called "Last Life". You'll really enjoy it. Thanks! :)
 
ShadowRealms said...
Apr. 26, 2012 at 10:37 am

Let me just saw one thing first of all: amazing. I loved the imagery and the contrast between the 'dead' and 'alive.' I also loved when it described the glowing orb, I felt like it was something I wanted to learn more about. But as for the draw backs, I feel the same as LiteraryMastermind. There needs to be more to this, plus I really hope the robot finds that girl:) but all in all I feel it deserved Editor's Choice and you did a fantastic job with this peice. More please!

 

 
ShadowRealms said...
Apr. 26, 2012 at 10:37 am

Let me just saw one thing first of all: amazing. I loved the imagery and the contrast between the 'dead' and 'alive.' I also loved when it described the glowing orb, I felt like it was something I wanted to learn more about. But as for the draw backs, I feel the same as LiteraryMastermind. There needs to be more to this, plus I really hope the robot finds that girl:) but all in all I feel it deserved Editor's Choice and you did a fantastic job with this peice. More please!

 

 
WSwilliams said...
Mar. 29, 2012 at 3:40 pm
Thanks a  lot! Now if only this was published. 
 
LiteraryMastermind replied...
Apr. 6, 2012 at 1:44 pm
I believe your story deserved the Editor's Choice. I think that the contrast between when the toy creature is 'dead' and 'alive' is  distinguished, as it should be. However, this piece makes little sense as a standalone piece. It's pretty obvious to see that this is merely a segment of a longer work - by seeing references to 'he' and the creature wanting to find its creator. It should probably be expanded into a long short story if you want to keep this as the beginning (as the opening para... (more »)
 
WSwilliams replied...
Apr. 6, 2012 at 2:30 pm
Thanks. I've been meaning to write a sequel for this story, but haven't had time to do so. Maybe someday though
 
KateLA said...
Mar. 29, 2012 at 1:09 pm
Congratulations! Editor's Choice!
 
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