All Nonfiction Bullying Books Academic Author Interviews Celebrity interviews College Articles College Essays Educator of the Year Heroes Interviews Memoir Personal Experience Sports Travel & CultureAll Opinions Bullying Current Events / Politics Discrimination Drugs / Alcohol / Smoking Entertainment / Celebrities Environment Love / Relationships Movies / Music / TV Pop Culture / Trends School / College Social Issues / Civics Spirituality / Religion Sports / Hobbies
- Summer Guide
- College Guide
- Author Interviews
- Celebrity interviews
- College Articles
- College Essays
- Educator of the Year
- Personal Experience
- Travel & Culture
- Current Events / Politics
- Drugs / Alcohol / Smoking
- Entertainment / Celebrities
- Love / Relationships
- Movies / Music / TV
- Pop Culture / Trends
- School / College
- Social Issues / Civics
- Spirituality / Religion
- Sports / Hobbies
- Community Service
- Letters to the Editor
- Pride & Prejudice
- What Matters
The blood that was dripping from his wrists were slowly making him dizzy and lightheaded, but cared he did not. He wanted this pain. He craved it. Ryan looked around, constantly making sure that no one was around him. He hated what he was: a pathetic teenager with human emotions. He knew that, of course, pain is inevitable in life and that sooner or later all humans have to go through it, but he could not continue. Throughout the course of his fifteen to sixteen years alive, he has had witness more tragedy and despair then any sane person would want to admit.
The iced air welcomed him. He was walking outside in the streets the night we began this tale. But for him, this tale began once he came to live in the states. Originally from Germany, Ryan is the middle child of two parents who, without a doubt and beyond apparent, did not really want anything to do with him. For people, this is known as ‘Middle Child Syndrome’. Basically, the parents give attention and love to the eldest and youngest while they give little to none towards the middle child. In Ryan’s eyes, he hated this with a passion.
Even more the deck of cards in his life that he had been given. In his eyes, the only thing he can see is the negative aspects and rarely any of the good. He had good moments, of course (like when he was with his friends). But the darkness overpowers the light in a tremendous way. Over the course of his life, his mind became corrupt to the point that death seemed like an only escape, he could not see any farther ahead in his life, and he had had it with his friends questioning his very existence.
By questioning, I mean that they question why he is always down and depressed, why he drinks, why he cuts, and why he has to be so selfish as to want to end his life that he did not care in the slightest what the impact would have on his friends. In his mind, his friends and family would move on while his body lay wasted in the ground. And every month around the end he tries to kill himself. But there is only one factor that stopped him.
Soren Kane is, without a doubt, the closes thing to a true older brother that Ryan ever had. When he came into Ryan’s life, Ryan’s darkness was already out of control and the ideas of death were torpedoing at him faster then a missile out of a tank. But, he did know that when he added Soren that this was a guy that, once you let him into your life, he would never get out. He will be their and stay with you until the time that either party dies, looses contact with him, or betray his trust. Soren had been their for Ryan, and Ryan knew that his time is up.
He passed a few streets until he reached a dirt field that is a well known spot for people during the day and, once in a while, you would find some teenagers trying to make love in the area. He, himself, had deflowered many girls in this area plus he had went their for times when he just needed to get away. Like right now for instance,
In the center of this entire field is something of a mini mountain that was used by extreme motorcyclists who used it to work on their craft. Staggering to get to the top, he reached their and sat down, his legs dangling off of the edge of the mountain. Then, out of the blue, he started crying while images of the past few weeks flashed before him.
The images were everything from the girl he had loved to Soren talking to him during the dead of the night, trying to convince him to not kill himself. He wanted to hate everyone. Hate every girl that used him as a rebound. Hate every guy that tried to be funny and make him laugh. Hate his entire family due to how they treat him. But the one person he wanted to hate the most was Soren. He wanted to hate him because he was always there to stop him, to check up on him, to care for him, to love him, to help him. He did not want nor needed him.
But, no matter what, he just could not stop it. He could not. He knew Soren’s back story about his abusive (now dead) father, his idiotic brother who is ruining his life every day by not going to school and sitting around doing nothing, his terminally ill mother who is beyond protective over Soren, and the dark secrets of Soren’s past. If it was not for Soren being like him when Soren was Ryan’s age (Soren is ten months older), then he would of told Soren to go away and leave him alone.
Slamming his head down into his already sore hands, Ryan took his knife and slashed his wrists again. And again. And again. Every time he breathed in painfully and his eyes examined with the attention of a surgeon the red blood that spewed from his wrists. The pain was feeling heavenly to him. It stung and it burn, but he liked it. He looked down and started to see the red dirt turn into black mud as his blood spewed every where.
For the first time in months, he was calm. He closed his eyes has he laid down on the dirt. He could still feel his body empting out all over the dirt, feel the stickieness of the blood as he moved his legs to a more comfortable position (his skinny jeans started to absorb the blood). He thought about his past, thought about his friends, and thought about his family. At that moment, he just did not care. He knew he was about to die, and death he was welcoming. He took one final breath as he cussed out the world he was living in and began to fall into a deep sleep.
Until he screamed as he started to actually start falling…
He woke up screaming in his bed as his alarm clock started to blare. He bashed the crap out of it until his hand hurt from him hitting it so hard. He saw the time was fifteen till six. October 28. Friday. He thought in his head why he woke up screaming, and had this weird dream that he tried to kill himself again and while laying down he started to fall. It made no sense to him and hoped that, while he did not remember waking up, that his Black Book would tell him what had happened.
Sense he was in the first grade, Ryan always had a composition book he entitled The Black Book. Basically, when he is having a depressing spell and he could not cut himself to relieve the pain, he would scribble poems and scratches into The Black Book so he could keep a record of all that has happened and he would have an outlet for his pain. Like decaffeinated drinks for a caffeine addict: the taste of the drink might satisfy, but a deeper hunger grows.
He flipped to the part that would contain the last few entries and saw one name that made his suffering restart all over again: Raniqua. Raniqua was the girl that Ryan, at that moment, was in love with. Another characteristic about Ryan: he is always in need of having a girl with him. He needs that female love that none of his other female friends would be able to support for him. His friends think that it is due to his mother never loving him, but it could be anything.
They started dating a week earlier and things had not work out at all. Raniqua rarely speaks to Ryan, talks to him, or even makes an attempt. At times, he felt like he was just a fashion icon for her and that would be that. Yet, he loved and felt for her due to all of the pain she had been through plus she was as suicidal to more then he could ever be. (Soren was once friends with her, but due to problems that neither party knew about, they just stopped talking to Soren’s annoyance)
He turned to the next clean page and grabbed a black ink pin and started to scribble another drawing. It was basically the image of him lying down on the mountain and him falling into a lake of fire with some non legible scribble on top. He could read it, but he was too tired and had to get ready for another day of his personal hell: school.
It took him a very short time to get ready for the day. Usually he slipped on a black shirt, his black skinny jeans, black and red belt, black button up short sleeve-less dress shirt, and then went to the bathroom to pull out a bottle of liquid foundation. He did not put make up on his face, but on his wrists when he cuts himself. Due to how fast the liquid dries, he puts it on so that his parents don’t find out that he still cuts himself. (while his parents do not act like they care about him, they do care when the school complains about the scars)
He opened the vial and began to put some on a piece of tissue paper to rub on his skin. But, for some reason, his skin on his wrist was pale as a sheet of paper (with the exception of the permanent scars that would be there from previous cuts). He remember last night that before he went to bed that he did cut himself when he started thinking about his life again. He remembered it because he remembered the drops of blood that splashed on his carpet by his laptop. He turned around and from where he was standing he still saw the blood.
Looking back at his wrists, he tried to figure out what happened when he heard his younger brother’s alarm clock go off. Hiding the bottle and grabbing his tattered gray sweater, he picked up his book bag and climbed down the stairs and into the kitchen to get something to drink.
His mother and father were their, but they were off talking to Ryan’s older brother. Ryan could possibly care less about what they were discussing due to it not having to do with him and if he did, he would probably just become bored within a few seconds. Sneaking a few cokes into his jacket, he went out the front door by six fifteen with the only thing in his stomach being a coke he got from his parents. He looked in the mirror on his way out and starred at himself.
He was about six foot tall with a very thin build that if you were to look at him without his shirt on, you would think that he was anorexic. But, quite the opposite: he ate and drank any surgery thing in sight. When he looked up and saw his short hair, he was reminded of ROTC and what his price was just so he could keep his parents out of his business. (His parents are obsessed with the military and wanted Ryan to join ROTC as an act for support) His face was one that looked like how he felt: sad and down. Complete with permanent dark circles in his eyes and the shadows that the light created on his face. For many girls and some guys, they liked how he looked. In Ryan’s eyes, he hated it.
The morning ice air hit his face in a sense that created déjà vu in his mind. Once he got to the sidewalk, he saw the silhouettes of two of his friends: Soren and Maynard. Soren was always there early in the dark of night waiting for him. Maynard, due to being annoyed by his bus stop, decided to go to his. With the early of the morning, he knew that Soren would be dazed and not much talkative while Maynard usually acted out and acted crazy for people’s amusements.
He tried to put on a smile on his face to give off the illusion that everything was alright when he got there. He stood around, talking to the two of them plus the few other people that arrived (including his younger brother to his annoyance) until the bus came around.
He started to look around and noticed how he was just walking through his life. Times was going by fast, very little was happening, and he was starting to feel like that he was just a prop in the lives of others. The bus moved at a smooth pace as he leaned on his side of the double seat with Soren sitting next to him. He was hoping that Soren would leave him alone, a request that would sooner or later be destroyed due to Soren going to check up on him regardless.
“Summers gone, and all the roses die.” Soren said, looking straight ahead with a blank expression.
“Um, what?” Ryan removed his gray hood and looked at his friend, trying to find his hair in the giant mass of brown hair that covered Soren’s head like the mane on a lion.
“A saying from a film I got. Robert De Niro was looking at this guy he was planning to kill, and right before Cream’s ‘Sunshine Of Your Love’ begins to play, the guy that is going to dies says what I just said.”
“So you are basically saying that you want someone dead.”
“Come on now. You know I have wanted five particular people dead for what feels like centuries.”
“And as I told you, I am going to try and take care of them.”
“I know what you have said. And you also know that my patience gets tired after a while.” Soren looked at Ryan dead in the eyes. “Besides, you and I were on the computer talking last night and for some reason, you decided to log off with no explanation other then saying ‘good bye’. Now, I can take it that you tried to kill yourself again last night, but that would be me stereotyping you as being an ignorant idiot, which you are not.”
“Then what am I?”
“Taking into consideration you tripping on the air and busting up your knee last week, I would say that you are a loveable idiot. But now I want you to answer my question: what the hell happened last night?” Ryan looked out of the window and thought of something. He could tell him about him trying to kill himself last night and the weird dream of him falling down in the middle of a solid mountain, but while he was an idiot he did not want to make himself look like more of one. So, he through something together and hoped it would work.
“I have no memories of last night. Actually, in relation to last night, I am hoping that you could not talk to me about it. Just, I don’t want to talk at all today.” Ryan leaned his head next to the side window.
“If thou wishes. Sorry for bringing it up.” And with that, Soren took out of one of his pockets the current novel he was reading and got lost into it’s world. At times, Ryan wished he could do the same with his problems. But he just could not no matter what.
At times, he wished he could stop feeling depressed and feeling sorry for himself.
It took a few moments and through spells of falling asleep, he and his friends arrived at school. Once off of the bus, he walked over and started to mingle with the people around him. In his mind, he kept up the act: act happy, laugh a bit, be sociable. They will never suspect a thing. Put on a fake smile, be a regular human. They can never know. Those thoughts and commandments littered his mind. He knew that he was sad, and the idea of death seemed like heaven to him. But he had to keep up this act. He had to. If he wanted to go quietly, then this is the only way.
In his mind, only one person knew about his desire. And he was standing away talking to the army of girls he was friends with. The one person he loved, and yet hated. Soren.
Like with a good majority of life, over time, things pass. The day passed. He did get in a few laughs during lunch (the only time he and Soren have together that they stayed away from each other), talked to Soren about his desires to die during fifth (And, of course, Soren had to respond by telling him that he will not die to Ryan’s annoyance), and then time to leave.
At the bus stop, he was with his so called friends. They hung around, acting like nothing going on, and all the while tried to speak with Raniqua. In his mind, he still had hope that things could, and should, be different. During the time that they have been going out (only a week), he started to get the feeling that this last attempt with love was a complete waste of time. No matter how hard he tried, he could not, at all, get her to listen to him. And yet she expected to listen to all of her problems. In his mind he wanted to slap her upside the head and ask her if she truly loved him.
On a little back story on Ryan: he is what you call a ‘Romeo’. If you have ever read Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, then you are aware of the character of Romero: Love obsessed. Ryan is the real life personification of Romeo. Right down to him wanting to die if he could not find true love. So, over time, Ryan has became something of a womanizer. He preys on girls, looking for love. Due to girls finding him, for an odd reason, attractive, this was a rather easy task. But, when the glamour of his looks passes the beautiful girls and they see the real Ryan, he is left with a shattered heart and a box cutter in his hand.
He wanted this relationship with her. More then anything. He had been their for her for as long as anyone else and even more as a guy. Soren was there before him, but Raniqua, for reasons unknown, stopped talking to him and as such, it was declared positive to consider them not friends. So, that makes Ryan the one guy that has been there for her.
He is aware of her past. What she attempted to do and the hell she has been through. Due to all of that, he felt a close enough bond to her. Plus, he loved the fact that she was curvaceous and beyond attractive.
But no matter how hard he tried that day to pull her to the side to talk to her, she kept on not listening. She heard, but did not actually listen to him. It was like he was only there just to be a fashion toy then a real, loving boyfriend he tried to be. Tried, and tried, and tried. No dice. When his bus came, he decided that he would not attempt anymore and just go home.
The bus ride home was a bore. Complete with him trying to make idol talk with Soren and Maynard.
Back at home, he was lucky to see that the only person in the house was his annoying younger brother and he was passed out. His brother is probably trying to get girls. His mother was out at a bar trying to forget about her life. His father was at work.
Grabbing a coke and a bottle of his secret vodka his mother bought him once, he went up into his room and made a Roman Cocktail. He was suppose to save these only for the weekend and never make one on a school day. But in his mind, he just needed to.
His mind felt like it was being beaten with a metal bat. He was still curious about last night, his true feelings for the people in his life, and the right for him to die. For him, he could not take it anymore. He tried numerous times to die, to kill himself. But with every try, with every attempt, he failed. Miserablly. He grabbed out his Black Book and started to scribble in it. He drew a picture of a stitched up heart with words like ‘FAKE’, ‘SUICIDE’, ‘NOT WORTH IT’ written around the heart. After painting it black, he set aside the book and grabbed out a pocket knife that was left to him when his grandfather died.
Ryan despises every member of his family, but his grandfather, while he did not knew him well, was someone that was a part of him. Not because of how he lived, but because of how he died. When his grandfather was in the hospital on his death bed, he was hugging a young Ryan close to him. Then, in Ryan’s young arms, he died. The heart monitor became dead and an unexpected silence filled the room, filling Ryan’s heart with doubt and terror. He wished that some noise would be there. But, none there was.
To this day, the idea and memory of that death day filled Ryan with bitter thoughts and ideas. To him, that was the only day that scared him. While his mind was on it, he took the box cutter and started slashing away at his legs. He did not feel the pain no matter how much he sliced up his legs. After about a dozen slashes, he looked down and saw his feet in red with the blood hitting the floor.
He still felt no pain. Just a tiny sting that gave him all the satisfactory he needed. Standing up, wrapping his pants around his legs, he hobbled to the bath room and quietly washed the blood off of him. As he saw the red water and the strong odor of iron that only blood can produce, he started to smile. He was becoming immune to the pain. Only a few days left, before…
He was out walking again with now a pain in his legs but no trail of blood. He did not cut again because he was going to be with his hateful parents and did not want them to complain again. He did not tell Soren like he usually does because he did not want him to give him another lecture on his life. He had to keep it inside of him for no one understands nor comprehends that this is what he wants: his death.
It was a tad bit warmer then the previous night. But, instead of dying, he was in the mood for some fun. Another item left by his grandfather was a walking staff that had a sword inside of it. He knew that he would never, even for his own life, attempt to use this blade on him. This would be saved for his enemies. But tonight, he just wanted mischief.
Around the neighbor hood he went: smashing cars, breaking windows on houses, even, at one point, put a bird out of it’s misery for it had a broken wing. Ryan did think about making the creature suffer more, but that would be low. Even for him. The night went by with him causing chaos and a trail of destruction on his path. Then he found Soren’s house.
He wanted to destroy Soren’s house. Make him feel humiliated as he did. Burn up all of Soren’s novels he was so proud of and dehumanize him to the extent that he would feel the pain he felt. He knew that Soren’s father passed away and that should of hurt him enough to want death, yet the sting of jealousy that Soren was able to lead such a carefree life with no hatred, with loving parents, and with no problems. He hated him for it. Found him annoying because of it. Despised the fact that Soren had, only a year earlier before they became friends, been through exactly the same thing that he went through.
Then the idea had hit him: beat the s*** out of Soren. He had the masks, he had the people he could pay, and within five minutes Soren’s blood would spill. Then he saw Soren’s window open and saw, to his astonishment, the giant library of books he owned. He had never seen the inside of Soren’s house (no one ever had) but he was not aware of the magnitude of his room.
On every wall, there was books of every size, length, and genre. All beautiful rectangles lined neatly in a row. The idea of fire and destruction came to his mind as he saw them all. Oh, how he wanted them to burn. He felt the lighter in his pocket and knew that more then likely Soren was in the restroom, his ill mother was asleep, and his idiot older brother is typing a report up in his room. With the fire, he at least, puts one out of his misery.
He opened the window carefully and climbed inside. He smelled the aroma of coffee and smelt the leather of the books. He knew that this would be fun. The silence of the room complimented his mind. Then, without knowing what had hit him, he passed out like he did the previous night.
Next morning he found himself in his bed with his scratches on his legs bandaged up and looking worse then before. When he woke up, he screamed a bit due to the shock of being in his bed again. He looked and saw his mother in the bathroom, cussing out her three sons for leaving a mess. When he looked around and tried to get out of bed, his mother gave him a rather horrifying glare.
“Unless you want to die by the knife I have, you will remain in that bad now. I am beyond upset with you as is and I do not feel like having to scrape more blood off of the ground then I will have to do already.” Yeah, her voice was aggravated.
“What happened last night?” He asked, his voice groggy.
“Well, you snuck out of the house last night, fell down from your window, and scratched up your legs. I called your school and you will be out today. Matthew, what are you planning on doing?” He mumbled a nothing and rolled over. His mother said something, but he did not pay attention.
When he woke up again, his legs still felt like they were put into a blender, but he was still alive and had a trillion questions in his head. He continued to lay down and stare at the ceiling as if he was expecting something. The past two nights made no sense to him at all. First he tried to die and then falls into a mountain, and now this. Nothing made sense. He reached over for his Black Book, until he gave a scream in terror.
“If you must performing screaming, please add some class to it before you break my concentration.” Soren said, slamming a rather large book that was in his hand. Ryan looked around him with the sunlight to use as a light source and stared at Soren.
“How did you get into my room?” He asked.
“Quite simple really: when I got a message from your mother that you tried to jump off of a window, she was worried about you and had a pleasant conversation with me over a cup of her wonderful coffee. She is a woman, that while not all of the time, does care about you. She asked me to give you your school work that we had to do today which you can find neatly on your desk and to inform the teachers of way you were not at school. Also, your friends send their highest wishes for a quick and painless recovery.”
“My mother. Pleasant? I am calling bull on that one.”
“Believe whatever you wish, oh my brother. But she does care about you. All mothers care about their children. Some tend to show it as spoiling them. Some tend to show it through discipline. But I am not here to discuss mothers. I am here to talk and chat about you. What were you were trying to do last night?” Soren crossed his legs (right over left) and leaned back drinking a cup of steaming coffee.
“Why do you even care?” Ryan laid on his back, looking straight ahead again.
“Two reasons: First, you are like the younger brother I wish I had. You see, I care and love you so much that you know I am always here for you. I am aware that my over protectiveness does get annoying and for that I apologize. But it has to deal with reason two. The second reason is because when I am friends with someone, I am bound to that friend until eternity. I must, with no exceptions, follow their every whim and command that will benefit me and them. If they attempt to do something that will hurt them, then it is my job to protect them.” Soren said in one complete breath that ended with a sip of his beverage.
“Bite me.” Ryan responded.
“Tempting, but no. I am quite to full already.”
“Jackass.” Ryan muttered.
“I know you must think of me like that and I am not effected by it. But please keep all name calling for you little Black Book. From what you have shown me that one time, you mostly do save it for then.” Soren said, learning back in his chair. Ryan, trying to control his rage, finally snapped.
“Oh, just shut up, will you!” He screamed. Soren anticipated this and as such, told his family not to come in no matter what they heard. It would be better that way. “I am sick and tired of this! Why can’t you see that I WANT death! I am not afraid of it! I have always had to hide my true self from everyone and live my life in misery on the accounts of people like you! I am tired of it, Soren. I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t live with this family. I can’t live with everyone I hate hating me. I can’t live with this feeling of being alone. Sense June when we became friends, you have annoyed me, made me mad, and just kept trying to help me. Well, I don’t want help! The only thing that can make this better is if I was to die. If you are not going to allow me to die, if you are going to keep trying to make me live, then go away and let me die in peace.” Soren heard every word that Ryan uttered and thought deeply about everything. For numerous reasons, he could not allow Ryan to die. Picking up his book, he stood up and walked to the door.
“As I have told you numerous times, we are both quite a like. In fact, it is almost scary how close it is. As you know, you are acting exactly the same way I did at your age. I hate myself, I hated my life. I wanted to die. Hell, I almost was perfect at the art of killing myself. Then I found my reasoning and everything changed. The reason why I am helping you is because you are making the same exact mistakes I had make. I am trying to give you a reason to live. You come to me for advice and for help on the phone and on the internet. I am only doing my job as a friend. I am sorry if my help is not that of ending your life, but you see, I have retired from that job a rather long time ago. You once said that no one loves you. Well, I will put it like this: if I did not love you, then why am I here talking to you? Ryan, I never hated you nor do I think I ever will. But I just hate the choices you make. Before I go, I want you to remember one thing: Life, without me, would be even more unbearable.” And with that, Soren left Ryan on his bed. Looking straight ahead, Ryan started to cry uncontrollably.
He slept for the next few days until Halloween (that Monday). He was able to walk again, but with a bit of a stiff. He was not wanting to see Soren at all after their argument on Friday and, when you think about it, he was a tad bit ashamed. But there was no way he would ever allow himself to show such a vulnerable side to him.
He did not say goodbye to anyone when he left his house. He heard his mother yell something, but he did not care to listen to it. He was too busy trying to think of something.
He saw Soren underneath the lamppost that was at their bus stop. He was dreading him talking to him, but knew that if anything was to be right, he would have to talk to him. So, he tried only to be met with the silence that only Soren could deliver. It was nerve racking and ate a bit away at Ryan. He never wanted to hurt him, and he did. While ridding the bus, Soren did not say anything until they were near school.
“If it is death you want, then you shall receive it.” After Soren said that and got off of the bus to talk to his other friends, Ryan stumbled off in a haze of trying to figure out what Soren meant by that.
Like every other day, everything was a repeat. Down to how Raniqua treated him. He kept quite when he saw Soren on the bus. They did speak during fifth period about what went down, only to be met with Soren having a rather bitter attitude. Usually when they fight, by fifth period they were back to normal. He was never this quiet or secluded.
But one thing was confirmed: he and Ryan were to go out skulking that night. The term skulking, in this usage, means to go out on Halloween and scare kids for the sport of it. For Ryan, it was a tradition. With his party being only of one, this would have to be effective. If there is one thing that Soren is, at all, good at, it would have to be scaring people. He would not have to say anything. He would just have to walk and before you know it, your blood would run red. Well, it worked that night.
Once they were scared out, they walked around their area talking. Soren was still upset with Ryan over what he has been wanting to do. Ryan was still upset with Soren over him trying to protect him. Conditional hate, I assume. But Soren did learn one thing about Halloween: Ryan loved it because it allowed freaks like them to roam around with no worries about people hating them. For Ryan, he loved that feeling.
When the time was up for him, Soren left. His mother hated the idea of him being out late and wanted him home early. Besides, the moon was already out. When no one was looking, Ryan went back to the mountain that he originally went to when this story began. He looked around and could not find the blood anywhere and saw that there was no possible way for him to have fallen through. The ground was solid and firm.
Taking out a knife, he carved a pentagram into the earth and sliced open his wrist again, pouring the blood over it. Ryan always had a hatred for all religions and as such, automatically done anything that was against the main religion of his town: Christianity.
After the blood filled the pentagram, he drew one on his head and laid down in the dirt again, waiting to die. He knew that he just did not care anymore. He was going to bleed out that night and nothing is going to stop him this time. After a repeat of the blood spewing out of him, he closed his eyes as he felt his heart beating faster and faster, trying to support him.
He started to feel fainted and started to die. Until something even more unexpected happened.
He was off of the ground and into the sky. He had no strength to open his eyes, but had enough to feel to sharp spikes into his neck. The pain he felt was unlike anything else. For him, it was the most unbearable feeling ever, yet one of the most sensual and erotic. Something about this made him want more of it. The higher the vampire and Ryan went, the more these feelings felt.
It took a few moments, then the vampire removed it’s fangs from Ryan’s neck and looked at him.
“Have you tasted death enough?” It asked, it’s voice ambiguous. Ryan tried to nod his head no, but the vampire dropped him outside of his house. Just like he did all of the previous nights.
He slept for days on end as if he was in a coma. It takes a while for the body to recreate the blood that was lost. He should have died due to all of the amount that he lost. But yet, he was still alive. When he awoken, it was night. Everything was closed and the entire room was cold. He felt his neck and felt that the bite marks were gone. Same thing with the slash on his wrist.
Becoming beyond upset, and got up and grabbed out his knife that he had hidden in his mattress and went to end it all. He still had his final suicide note written and hidden. He just had it. He knew he did not see a vampire. He knew he was becoming schizophrenic. He wanted to end it. The blade was against his veins and before he done anything, he heard someone clapping by his window.
Turning on the light, he saw Soren.
“What… how… ?” He asked. Soren, with a toothy grin walked to him.
“Don’t try to cut yourself. It won’t work.” When Ryan looked down, he saw that he was no longer holding the knife, but Soren was. When he looked at the ceiling, he saw that Soren went and through all of the knives into it so Ryan could not reach them.
“Why the hell can’t you let me die?!” He screamed. Soren, in a calm manner, walked to Ryan’s bedside.
“Please don’t yell and allow me to talk.” He pulled up a seat and sat next to him. “Life has no meaning to you, does it? You travel from time to time, looking for the meaning to your existence. You invite death to you. From the whore I saw you with a while back to the thief that followed you until you passed out due to you being drunk. The worry of your poor parents and brothers was unbearable. You want to waste the most precious gift in the world all for personal gain. But you have yet to see that this life is something that you should embrace.
“But, I know that my words mean nothing to you. You want the love of a beautiful girl. You want to be free from your past. You just want to be free no matter how many people you have to hurt along the way. Is that it? But, here is a question I want you to consider: what if I could give you, right now, all that you ever wanted? Pluck out the darkness that is killing you and give you a fresh start. One, in which, you could never die, never grow old, never be sick, but live forever. Only catch: you must live with me.
“As you can tell, yes I am a vampire. I have been around for… God, I don’t even remember nor do I care to remember. One thing vampires do is look for their true love while killing humans. When I came to this town, I was not expecting to find that love. Yet I did inside of you. You are so much like me, and yet you have so much I want. And I know that I posses something which you want: a clean slate. I love you, Ryan. And as such, I want to give you the choice I never had.
“Yes, I drained your blood on Halloween with the hope of giving you the death you wanted. That was going to be my gift to you. Then your heart kept on beating. At that moment, I know that I have found my true love: you. So, I am going to ask you: are you tired of this life and want to continue on, or lay their in that bed being miserable?”
Ryan just sat stunned at the what he had heard. He believed him, but did not. So much did not make sense.
“Before I decide, I want to know: I thought vampires burnt in the sunlight. You have been in the sun yet you do not burn.”
“Like most things when they are dead, they usually dissolve. I do not know the reasoning as to why, but our skin hardens into a thick layer the older we get. I have been around so long that I can walk into the light and never have to deal with being burnt.”
“What about that rule saying that you can not enter a person’s house without their permission?”
“Vampires can. Just, we like it when people invite us in. It deactivates all of our weaknesses. How that works, I do not know.”
“What about all the other myths?”
“They are all, except for the coffins, are just what they are: myths. They were created by our kind so that people would think we do not live. But with the coffins, the blood, all of that is true. If you do not believe me, then that is too bad. But it is true.” Ryan was quiet as he thought things over.
The entire idea was pleasing to him. Yet he did not want to be with Soren for all eternity. Even though it was not directly stated, he knew that Soren would never let him up. He just did not know. Ryan looked over and saw Soren rise up and walk to the window.
“No matter what, I will be back in three days. Either for you or your blood. Do not try to kill yourself because if you do I will stop you. Why? Because I am such a wonderful devil like that. In three days, you will either be reborn again with a new, vampiric life. Or you will die with your body. Make your choice but remember one thing: Life, without me, would be even more unbearable.” With that, Soren jumped out of the window and into the night.
Ryan went to the window to look for Soren, but he was no where to be found.
Three days have passed and it was night again. Ryan, getting back on his feet, he looked around waiting for Soren. He made up his mind and wanted this to be quick. He kept looking around until he jumped in shock.
“Have you said your good-byes to the light?” Soren asked. Before Ryan could reply, Soren jumped on him, knocking him onto the ground hard. The first thing Ryan notice was Soren kissing his neck and feeling his neck, right where the kiss was at, run cold due to the air hitting it. Then, before anything else could happen, Soren bite into his neck and allowed the blood to fill his mouth.
The same feeling Ryan had the first time this happened returned. Only difference is that he knew what was going on. As the blood was being drained, he started to, again, fall into his dream like stance. It was only for a few moments, and then the feeling were gone when Soren took his fangs out from his neck.
“I have drained you of almost all of your blood,” he informed him. “I am now leaving you with your choice: die, or drink from me and live forever.” Soren slashed his wrist and put it into the mouth of Ryan.
As Soren’s blood filled Ryan’s mouth, he started sucking and gulping down each and every drop. The taste was sickly sweet, but he could not resist it. He gripped tighter as the blood poured into him. After about a few minutes of this, Soren ripped his wrist out of Ryan’s mouth and was lunged back, laughing. Ryan on the other hand was shaking and screaming as his body died.
It was nightmarish. Soren explained that this happens to all of them and that he should not worry in the slightest about this. He said that it happens to everyone, but he gets to live through it.
The pain was unlike anything you can imagine. All of your organs shutting down, your bowls releasing themselves for one last time, and then taking in that last, deep breath of fresh air. Then, by now you would be naked, you fall to the ground as your body becomes a paler shade of your natural skin tone and your teeth become longer and sharper.
Soren walked over to Ryan, saw his pale body, and dropped clean clothes on him.
“Seeing as how I am not attracted to you sexually, I do not want to see you naked. Please, put those close on and then go back into your room and get what you need. Due to the nerve destroying racket you made, we don’t have much time before people start to wonder what you are doing. For the clothes, I think the rats and bugs of the sewers will make due with them.”
Then they separated, taking care of their jobs.
It took a few minutes, but everything was set. The note explained that Ryan had ran away from home and to not go looking for him. Naturally, his family did. They tried Soren’s residence only to see that the mother had passed in her sleep and the brother was drained of all of his blood. As Soren would later reveal to Ryan, Soren is able to control and look into the minds of those whose blood he has tasted, which explains how Soren was able to control that woman and her son and make them believe that he, Soren, was related to them.
The family looked everywhere, but after months of trying, they decided that it was no use. They had to declare Ryan dead. Soren was leaked to this, but due to his disappearance, they were a little bit close when they realized that the two of them ran off together. But not as people. But as vampires.
Like everything, time passes and before Soren and Ryan knew it, a hundred years had passed. They saw the fall of America’s economy, the rise of China and Great Britain, the second Renaissance, and the original start to the third World War before people put an end to it. They saw through a lot of history, but it was all hyped up.
Soren loved being a vampire. His seduction of gorgeous people, both male and female, made him beyond perfect at attracting lovers and his life source. He had centuries of practice, and was glad to share his life with the one that was his best friend, and eternal partner, Ryan.
Ryan regretted the choice. Yeah, his life was beyond easier and he did not have to worry about finding his true love (for he has given up on love that not even Soren could give him) and the pains of his past still haunted him and tortured him. The only problem with this is that he could only die if Soren died. One thing about vampires: you can only kill a vampire if you destroy the first, original vampire.
Due to how history is, no one remembers the true original vampire. The way of how he, being Ryan, learned about this was due to him once, in a idiotic manner, tried to kill Soren. When Soren explained that killing him won’t do anything and no matter what, he will always be there, Ryan tried to starve himself of blood. But even that failed.
Soren told Ryan that he will soon learn to love his choice. There are many people in this world and one day he will find his soul mate. When that time comes, Soren will have to leave Ryan. But, until that day happens, a certain phrase that Soren said all of those years ago rang in his head, and deep down, he knew them to be true: Life, without me, would be even more unbearable.