How to be a Superhero

October 30, 2011
By popekp740 BRONZE, Schaumburg, Illinois
popekp740 BRONZE, Schaumburg, Illinois
3 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Do you want to make a difference in the world? Do you want the ladies to swoon whenever they see you? Do you want to go down in history and be remembered with glory? If so, then you should become a superhero!

1. Choose your super power
To become a superhero, you must first think of a super power. This can range anywhere from being able to breathe under water to being able to shrink down to three inches. Choosing your super power should be done with careful consideration, remember, your superpower will define your whole persona. People’s first impression of you will be based off of your super abilities. So choose wisely!

2. Getting your superpower
Once you choose your superpower, you must then obtain it. This can be done one of two ways. The first way requires lots of equipment, meaning you have to fake it. To make up for your lack of superhuman abilities, you will have to carry around a lot of different gadgets and weapons. For example, you can carry around a bullet proof vest, use an oxygen tank while underwater, and wear a heat withstanding suit. The second method – not only simpler but also does not label you as a fraud – is to genetically alter your DNA. To alter your DNA you must find a mad scientist, preferably one that has not had any encounters with the police because that could mean that his experiments could be under close surveillance. He must then shoot a bunch of radioactive rays through your body system to cause mutations in your cells. After a couple of tries, you should have your superpower!

3. Get ripped!
Nobody liked a flabby superhero! You have to have some muscle to gain credibility! If villains see a superhero that can barley lift a bag of groceries, they will detect no threat and might even ignore you. This step requires a lot of dedication and determination. Every morning at 5 a.m. you must go and sprint five miles. Afterwards, you should go to the gym for a good two hours and concentrate mainly on weight lifting. Make sure you eat a lot of spinach, red meat, whole eggs, and fish daily. These foods help you gain muscle tissue. After a good two to three months of this day by day routine, you will finally acquire those muscles! Of course, if you do not have two to three months, you can always buy a body suit with build in muscles, they look just like the real thing.

4. Picking out your super suit
Your suit should say everything about you. It should define you. Try to match your suit to your superpower. If your power has to do something with water, wear hues of blue. If you have a nocturnal power, wear a black outfit. If you have a power pertaining to heat or fire, wear the colors red, yellow, and orange. Make sure that your suit is original. The public should be able to recognize you from miles away just by the uniqueness of your suit. Another good idea is to put a symbol on your suit as a sort of copy right symbol. If your suit is very vague and does not have a lot of personal details, some other superhero might see it as an invitation to copy your suit. If you put a symbol on your suit people automatically know that you were the first person to come up with this design, so if someone does steal idea, everybody will know that they ripped you off and their credibility will be in question.

5. Choosing your mask
Every good superhero has to have a mask to cover your identity. Though a full body mask would be best at keeping your identity safe, a mask that covers only half of your face is best. You want to make sure that you can still see and fight crime at the same time. With full face masks, your mouth is covered meaning that you mumble. In the business of heroes, you must be able to communicate well. The job will require you to negotiate with villains, cooperate with the police, and to talk to the people you save. If you mumble, people can misunderstand you and it could be fatal. Another negative aspect of the full face mask is that your hearing is compromised. The full face mask covers the whole hear, including the ears. If you want to fight crime you must first be able to hear the pleas for help. If your hearing is clouded by your mask, you will be of no help to the victims. That is why the half-face mask is the best option. It does a good enough job of covering the top half of your face, which still keeps your identity a secret, without compromising your senses.

6. Choosing your Super Name
Much like in your suit, your super name must be original. Everyone should know who you are if mentioned. Similarly to your suit, the name should be based on your super abilities, giving the public a clue as to what type of super hero you are. For example, if your super power is to be able to shine in the dark, you could be Glow Stick Man, analyzing data during the day, defeating the monsters under the bed and helping people finding the kitchen at night. Or, if you have the ability to control gold fish, you can be known as Goldfish Man, packing groceries by day, a making goldfish stare aimlessly at villains for hours without blinking, causing them to have anxiety attacks at night.

7. Saving a damsel in distress
Lastly, you must save a damsel in distress. To officially become a superhero, you must first save a person. The best and simplest target is a woman getting mugged. These cases are the most common to come by and also the easiest to recognize and stop. You do not want to fail on your first mission; it will damage your reputation forever. You also do not want to be oblivious to the crime or disaster happening. For example, a car crash happens in an instant and is very easy to miss. If that is the first disaster you come across, you will be seen as a failure and your credibility will be very low. Pick an easy first target that you are guaranteed to succeed, and then later on you can move on to the more difficult situations.

If you have completed the following steps, then congratulations! You are ready to go out into the world and save the human race. Just remember, be responsible with your superhuman abilities, and don’t flaunt your superiority too much.

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