Seeking Refuge | Teen Ink

Seeking Refuge

October 6, 2011
By anbortle SILVER, Cochranville, Pennsylvania
anbortle SILVER, Cochranville, Pennsylvania
9 articles 1 photo 6 comments

The ship was refuge. Refuge for people trying to avoid the chaos a few miles away. People who wanted to survive the war would come here to seek shelter. There wasn’t a fee to get in, you didn’t have to be rich or poor, you just had to want peace and a new world.
Fifty years ago a strange comet crashed into Earth releasing a deadly disease which quickly took over people’s bodies. During the day, people showed no symptoms of being contaminated but at night they would turn into hungry savage beasts. Now after fifty years, there are just a few hundred of people who were lucky enough to be immune and they all gather at the ship.
I came here two weeks ago. When I had lost all hope of living, of being immune, I found hope. I was immune. When the people took over my town I came in contact with some of these beasts, but I didn’t change. I was me. Word quickly spread of the ship that would save us all, all the ones immune that is. I packed up what I had left and headed for the ship that would save us all. I was a few miles away, but the walk was not hard. I set off at dawn because I knew I wanted to make the journey only during the day. I didn’t want to risk running into those beasts. Anyway, once I got to the ship, I found people just like me, regular immune people, except one person. He showed up after me, and was very unusual. Everyone was kind of afraid of him. We didn’t know why. Then at night, we found out.
I was getting ready for bed. Only the watchmen were out patrolling the decks, just outside my window. I felt, oddly, very safe and comfortable here. A few things I had managed to save were set up in my room. My mother’s hand mirror, my father’s clock, a small knitted scarf from my sister. I was happy.
As I drifted off to sleep with warm thoughts in my head, I heard a scream and saw a splatter of blood on the window. I ran outside my door to find the black beast tearing a woman’s arm off. He had bright red eyes and fangs. He basically had the figure of a man; arms, legs, head, neck and torso, but it was covered in black fur. I knew I had to do something. I ran for the bell to warn the others. But I didn’t make it very far before the creature was on me. Slamming me into the ship’s hard steel deck, the beast punched with its strong muscled limbs, leaving softball size bruises that spotted my body. The best’s large canine like teeth snarled in front of my face, coated and dripping with crimson red blood. The beast’s face was distorted. Half man, half canine, the creature faintly resembled the man that people were accusing of being infected. The pressure of the beast’s weight on me made it almost impossible to breathe. As I gasp for breath, I anxiously search the deck with my hands looking for anything to protect myself. There is nothing around me. I run my hands on the smooth steel deck again unable to believe there’s nothing around me.
The beast was now trying to get at my face. I punched and pushed the creature’s face away from mine, being careful not to put my hands too close to its massive row of teeth. After what seemed like hours of desperately gasping for breath and keeping the creature arm’s length away from me, a shot is fired. Another splatter of blood coats the ground, but this time it’s not human. The shot echoes in my ears as the weight on my chest resides and drops to the deck. I finally breathe in and fill my lungs with the crisp and damp nighttime air. I sit up coughing, trying to get my breathing steady. My head rushes and my eyes blur and go black. Before I know it, I’m falling backward onto the floor and everything goes black.

The author's comments:
This is the beginning of a story i started writing a while ago based on a snapshot capturing a old ship in a ship graveyard.

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This article has 1 comment.

on Oct. 13 2011 at 9:52 pm
tianna-alexa BRONZE, Minden, Nevada
4 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
A writer never has a vacation. For a writer, life consists of either writing or thinking about writing.
— Eugene Ionesco

As well as pretty much everything that comes out of John Green's mouth.

I think this could turn into an AMAZING story with the writing talent you clearly possess! Great great job!

However, there's  one suggestion which I frequently give to other writers (so don't feel alone ;) ): Try not to have an info-dump at the beginning. Spread out the information, and, instead of describing the situation, show us. Readers are usually deterred by a long explanation paragraph! ;)

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