'Bunny'

October 1, 2011
By AlwaysAntlers SILVER, Kingsport, Tennessee
AlwaysAntlers SILVER, Kingsport, Tennessee
5 articles 0 photos 72 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Don't forget - no one else sees the world the way you do, so no one else can tell the stories that you have to tell.”
― Charles de Lint, (from his book,The Blue Girl)


When I was about six years old, I had a stuffed bunny. Being my weird-name-loving six-year-old self, I tried naming it about ten times, but each time the name never stuck. Eventually, instead of naming it Jaqueline or Sophia or (One particularly memorable failed naming) Lady Sharon Rapunzel, it just ended up being ‘Bunny’. I don’t remember much about Bunny, but I wouldn’t like to be her. I would drag Bunny everywhere, and after a while she was pretty worn out.
Eventually, when I was almost nine, I put Bunny up in a box at the back of the closet I shared with my little sister, Krissy, with all my other stuffed animals and Barbie dolls. I was tired of them anyways. After a while, I had forgotten all about the box in the back of the closet labeled ‘Anna’s Stuff’.
When I turned eleven, we moved out of our old house for good, into a bigger one where I could have my own room. I think the box was left behind, because I never saw it again. I didn’t think about it for long. I’d been planning to donate my old stuff to charity anyhow.
In high school, I sent my application to several different colleges. Most of them accepted, but my first choice was New York University, and they accepted my application as well as offering me a scholarship. It was pretty far from Kentucky, so it was a pretty long flight back home for Christmas vacation. When I got back to the airport, Krissy (now 12), hugged me so hard it was like she was trying to squeeze the life out of me. I was so thrilled to see them!
Two days into the break, Krissy got me to drive her to the Goodwill. She wanted to donate some of her outgrown clothing. While she was chatting with the lady at the counter, I wandered around the store. I walked past the racks of used clothing and somehow ended up in the toy area. There were several shelves of Barbies, matchbox cars, and other toys. Right smack in the middle was a big bin of stuffed animals. Sitting near the top was a worn-out stuffed bunny. It almost looked like… “Hey, that looks just like that old stuffed bunny you used to have, Anna!” said a voice right behind me.
I jumped. “Oh, wow. I had forgotten how you can sneak up on people.” I said to Krissy.
“Well, doesn’t it?” she responded, “I think it does.” She had lifted up the bunny and was inspecting its ears. “You should get it. It’s only…” She looked at its price sticker. “A dollar and fifty cents.”
I looked at her. “I don’t know…”
“Aww… Come on, please?” She gazed at me sorrowfully.
“Oh, fine. I’ll get it.” I said.
“Yay!” She ran toward the front of the store. Halfway there, she turned around and said “Come on, Anna, hurry up!”
I sighed, smiled and caught up with my forever cheerful little sister.
When we got home, I walked up to my old room and set the stuffed rabbit on my bed. I turned around to leave when the door slammed shut. I heard a noise behind me. “Hello, Anna.” I jumped and looked behind me. The stuffed bunny had a look on its face that I’m sure wasn’t there at the Goodwill, sort of an evil-looking smile. And then the mouth opened. “Remember me?” I gasped and backed toward the door, but when I fumbled at the knob, it was stuck. “Don’t you remember me, Anna? Here’s a hint…My name is Bunny.” It seemed to smile even wider, and then actually stood up. It hopped down from the bed. “I hated you, always stuffing me into doll clothes, always singing stupid made-up songs, trying to make everyone think you were cute.” It slowly hopped toward me. “And now you’re going to pay…with your life.”
I fumbled at the knob again. This time, I got it open. I rushed into the hallway and down the stairs. “Mom! Dad!”
They ran over. “What is it, honey, what is it?” Mom exclaimed.
“Bunny is trying to kill me!” I said.
“I’m sorry…What?” They were both staring at me.
“Seriously! Come on, follow me!” I led them upstairs to my room.I opened to door. “See! Look!”
Mom responded, “Okay… What am I supposed to be seeing?” Dad walked in. “Hey… Isn’t that your old stuffed bunny?” I looked. There, sitting on my bed, was Bunny… But with an evil little smile on her face.


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This article has 11 comments.


on Oct. 23 2011 at 1:43 am
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Okay, 'anyways' is a word, but it is not correct.  It is slang.  'Anyway' is correct.

on Oct. 22 2011 at 12:39 pm
AlwaysAntlers SILVER, Kingsport, Tennessee
5 articles 0 photos 72 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Don't forget - no one else sees the world the way you do, so no one else can tell the stories that you have to tell.”
― Charles de Lint, (from his book,The Blue Girl)

       Hey, "Anyways" is a word. It's in my dictionary and in Microsoft's spell check.

      Just so you know.


on Oct. 22 2011 at 8:07 am
AlwaysAntlers SILVER, Kingsport, Tennessee
5 articles 0 photos 72 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Don't forget - no one else sees the world the way you do, so no one else can tell the stories that you have to tell.”
― Charles de Lint, (from his book,The Blue Girl)

Thank you!

on Oct. 22 2011 at 8:06 am
AlwaysAntlers SILVER, Kingsport, Tennessee
5 articles 0 photos 72 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Don't forget - no one else sees the world the way you do, so no one else can tell the stories that you have to tell.”
― Charles de Lint, (from his book,The Blue Girl)

Thank you for commenting! I didn't notice the thing  about the dialoge tags.

on Oct. 15 2011 at 4:41 pm
Anonymous_7 SILVER, Branson, Missouri
6 articles 0 photos 119 comments

Favorite Quote:
-The only time you can get away with murder is when writing a book!

Ok I was so not expecting the ending but it did make me grin. It was a great story and I enjoyed it. I really liked how it ends and you have to wonder what happens after that.  Keep writing!

on Oct. 10 2011 at 1:54 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Okay, first I have a bit of criticism.

1.  ‘Anyways’ is not a word.  It is ‘anyway.’

2.  ‘It was pretty far from Kentucky, so it was a pretty long flight back home for Christmas vacation.’  Using an adjective twice in one sentence sounds kind of repetitive to the reader.  Could you try rephrasing it?

3.  You don’t need dialogue tags after every single piece of dialogue.  If you just have a few well-placed ones, readers will generally be intelligent enough to figure it out.

4.  “Don’t you remember me, Anna? Here’s a hint…My name is Bunny.”  The second sentence kind of ruins the suspense.  I think most readers have figured out it is Bunny.  Maybe you could put ‘I’m Bunny’ instead of the whole ‘Here’s a hint…’ thing.

5.  “my room.I opened”  There should be two spaces after a period.

6.  “There, sitting on my bed, was Bunny… But with an evil little smile on her face.”  Okay, I love the first sentence, but the sentence after the ellipsis ruins the dramatic effect.  Could you eliminate the ellipsis and rephrase it?

 

I think you have an excellent idea here and your writing shows a lot of potential.  Keep writing!


on Oct. 10 2011 at 10:20 am
Pitlov622 BRONZE, Pelham, New Hampshire
3 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not about waiting for the storm to end, it's about learning to dance in the rain!!! (written by someone else, not me)...

I like the non-resolution ending. What i ment was that in the begining you put a lot of detail and then at the end... well, it just ends... I love the idea behind the ending, i think it just needs as much detail as it does in the begining :)

on Oct. 8 2011 at 1:47 pm
AlwaysAntlers SILVER, Kingsport, Tennessee
5 articles 0 photos 72 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Don't forget - no one else sees the world the way you do, so no one else can tell the stories that you have to tell.”
― Charles de Lint, (from his book,The Blue Girl)

Thanks! I think I will expand it. I thought the non-resolution ending was good at the time I wrote it, but I guess it could have had had a better ending.

on Oct. 8 2011 at 1:32 pm
Pitlov622 BRONZE, Pelham, New Hampshire
3 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not about waiting for the storm to end, it's about learning to dance in the rain!!! (written by someone else, not me)...

You should sooo expand on this story!!! It was amazing but it needs more at the end :)

on Oct. 8 2011 at 6:44 am
AlwaysAntlers SILVER, Kingsport, Tennessee
5 articles 0 photos 72 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Don't forget - no one else sees the world the way you do, so no one else can tell the stories that you have to tell.”
― Charles de Lint, (from his book,The Blue Girl)

Thanks! I'm glad you like the ending.

ThisGirl said...
on Oct. 8 2011 at 6:37 am
This is good. I love the ending. Five stars!


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