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Tani-Ann Meets John the Con

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No one knows where Tani-Ann came from, or how old he really is. It’s as though he never actually came into being—he just always was, and is, and will be. Some believe he is even older than space itself.

As a jedi-knight, Tani-Ann keeps to himself. What little insight we do have into his personal life, we find in observers’ accounts. Ice cream aficionado and vendor at the Galactic Parlor, (known for its creamy frozen treats and impeccable quality of droid-service) Flannigan Glacier wrote this of the mystifying warrior in his biographical novel, I Scream for Ice Cream, Tatooine, Palpatine, and Force Lightning:

“There’s not a day goes by when he doesn’t come to my shop, that Tani-Ann fellow. Now I don’t know much about Jedi knights, but this one has got a mighty passion for New York Cheesecake ice cream. Every day, it’s the same thing, always that New York Cheesecake. Once, he asked me where the ice cream was from. ‘New York, of course,’ I told him. Darned if I know where ‘New York’ is but he didn’t ask nothing more. That was the first and last time we ever spoke.”

A recent poll conducted by the CBGE (Census Bureau of the Galactic Empire) indicates that 52% of all sentient beings in the universe believe Tani-Ann to be “the most interesting man—ever.” These findings have prompted much more extensive research by experts from galaxies far and wide. We now know that Tani-Ann was intrigued by this “New York” and actually visited Earth—the primitive planet in which it is located—soon after his encounter with Glacier. A journal entry by John, a carbon-based, bipedal life-form and a self-proclaimed conman (last name not given) describes the event:

“I was selling some junk at the Statue of Liberty at 600% of their original prices (that place is a hive for stupid tourists) when this guy came up to me, with a black cape and leather boots. He didn’t look like he was around here, so I thought, ‘well I guess I have my new target.’

“So I went up to him, this shady foreign guy, and, tousling my hair for probably the fiftieth time that day, asked him if he wanted to get a good deal, you know, one he’d never find anywhere else. The whole spiel. He looked at me as though he couldn’t understand a word I was saying, and muttered something about ‘New York Cheesecake.’ I think he was lost or something, ‘cos he didn’t seem to know where he was and he didn’t have a ferry ticket. In fact, when I picked his pockets, he didn’t even have any money at all. Just a couple of papers with gibberish writing and some weird metal tube thing. Needless to say, I left him right then and there. I mean, I could’ve been making profits off fake tickets and plastic statues instead of talking to that guy. What a waste of time. Maybe at least I can make something of this funny metal stick…”

Tani-Ann filed a report two days later for a stolen lightsaber and registration papers for his spaceship.





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