Lost in the darkenss

August 19, 2011
Raven_Mi BRONZE,
1 article 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
K.I.S.S.- Keep. It. Simple. Stupid


Everything was over and we had lost.

I gazed down at the crescent moon, its blurred outline surrounded by the black waters. I starred as a light breeze caused the silver shape to fade and disturbed the waters surface.
Slowly peeling off my blood soaked armour, I left the breast plate until last. As I held the cold metal in my hands, I looked intently at my beaten reflection. My midnight hair clung to my face steeped with sweat and blood; both wet and dried; mine and others. There was a light gash across my right cheek which crimson liquid still seeped from.
Markings across the top of my head and around my jaw outlined the shape where my helmet had sat across my face. My gaze shifted across the reflective surface and settled on a pair of vacant eyes that returned my stare. A smile crossed my lips. But it contained no warmth or humour, just sadness and regret matched only by my frozen blue eyes.
I dropped the breast plate, which clanged as it fell on the rest of my armour.
Standing there with the lake expanding before me - the ebbing tide falling just short of my feet - I inhaled the moist air, rejoicing in the light wind free of the scent of blood and hostility.
I leisurely spread my arms to both sides of my body, wishing, wanting to suspend myself here forever. I drunk the air deeper and deeper into my body to preserve my passion for this place, protecting it from everything I had run from.
Free from the constraints of the armour, my clothes blew against my body with the wind, along with my blood sodden locks.
I stepped forward, my right foot now in the lakes tide. The water was soft against my skin. Welcoming.
With my armour left dead in the dirt, I should have felt vulnerable and


unprotected, but with every breeze that pushed against my body, my soul screamed with freedom, no longer under the weight of bloodied battles. I walked forward, my feet sinking deeper with each step. The water climbed up my body. Past my knees, my hips, my waist. Cleansing my body in the rush. As I continued, the water rose above my shoulders and head, and my feet no longer touched the waters bottom. I was suspended deep below the lakes surface, and as my hair separated and flowed with the current, I closed my eyes and released my last breath.
I opened my eyes and saw that I was not floating in the water, but in darkness. There was nothing, not surface or shore, just emptiness. I was finally content and closed my eyes for the last time.


The author's comments:
My biggest dream of all time is to be an author, and this is the first part of my first novel so it would mean so much if u told me what u think no matter what it is.
i can take it.
thanks.

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This article has 12 comments.


on May. 1 2013 at 3:53 pm
Dessometrics BRONZE, Charleston, South Carolina
4 articles 0 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
currently seeking

I enjoyed this i cannot wait to read what  comes next! I noticed you commented on my Heartland Academy story and I wanted to let you know that i'll be posting more way sooner. there are already a few a new chapters up if you didn't know already

on Aug. 27 2011 at 6:40 am
SomethingCalledTerra SILVER, Budd Lake, New Jersey
5 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Pain is temporary, quitting lasts forever"


-Lance Armstrong

-

Oops, I apologize about the confusion with boy and girl. And reincarnation is a cool and rare main topic in books. I hope to see a continuation of this.

Raven_mi said...
on Aug. 27 2011 at 5:43 am

it is kinda an intro, but more complicated.

the main theme of the story is reincarnation, and this as the intro is a quick look in to the main characters most recent past life.

ps the character is a girl


K-Lewy BRONZE said...
on Aug. 26 2011 at 6:11 pm
K-Lewy BRONZE, Lost Springs, Kansas
4 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is like a coin, you can spend it any way you want, but you can only spend it once."

Oh ok. Im sorry. I didn't know. But the overall story was GREAT!!!!!

on Aug. 26 2011 at 4:48 pm
SomethingCalledTerra SILVER, Budd Lake, New Jersey
5 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Pain is temporary, quitting lasts forever"


-Lance Armstrong

-

So, this kinda is what gives us an introduction to the character? If it is, I think it's great. But maybe you should add his name...just a thought, but otherwise really good

on Aug. 26 2011 at 2:30 pm
Raven_Mi BRONZE,
1 article 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
K.I.S.S.- Keep. It. Simple. Stupid

thanks, it means a lot, its been my dream 4 years to be a writer.

the next part should be coming soon!


on Aug. 26 2011 at 2:28 pm
Raven_Mi BRONZE,
1 article 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
K.I.S.S.- Keep. It. Simple. Stupid

i no my spelling is horrible! kinda ironic since i want to be a writer.

and this is actually the prologue of something im working n at the moment


on Aug. 26 2011 at 2:26 pm
Raven_Mi BRONZE,
1 article 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
K.I.S.S.- Keep. It. Simple. Stupid

thanks :)

this is actually the prologue of something that im writing at the moment, it may be confusing but this is set in the past of the events that occure in what im writing 


on Aug. 24 2011 at 8:57 pm
SomethingCalledTerra SILVER, Budd Lake, New Jersey
5 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Pain is temporary, quitting lasts forever"


-Lance Armstrong

-

I think this is great! I would like to see this at the end of a book.

K-Lewy BRONZE said...
on Aug. 24 2011 at 7:16 am
K-Lewy BRONZE, Lost Springs, Kansas
4 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is like a coin, you can spend it any way you want, but you can only spend it once."

A Few grammatical errors but not much else. Also you might want to consider putting this as an awesome ending to your book idk. just a thought. All in all very good and descriptive. Loved it.

 


on Aug. 23 2011 at 6:50 pm
Kayotic PLATINUM, Goodyear, Arizona
37 articles 9 photos 84 comments

Favorite Quote:
You aren't having fun unless you're commiting sin~ Priest

Oops!I ment to say very good not ery good!

on Aug. 23 2011 at 6:46 pm
Kayotic PLATINUM, Goodyear, Arizona
37 articles 9 photos 84 comments

Favorite Quote:
You aren't having fun unless you're commiting sin~ Priest

It is ery good and descriptive!I can't wait to read the next part!You should pursue your dream of becoming a writer.




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