I Will Always Love You

August 16, 2011
By lucygirl26 GOLD, Greensboro, North Carolina
lucygirl26 GOLD, Greensboro, North Carolina
11 articles 0 photos 68 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is like a bowl of spaghetti. Every once in a while, you get a meatball." - Sharon Creech


He had always been there for me. But now he was gone.
“Terryn!” I screamed. “No!”
My boyfriend and fiancé looked at me with a pained expression. His fingers had been clenched into a fist, but now they fell in a relaxed state. The arrow that had plunged into his heart had been an extremely accurate throw. As Terryn knelt down the ground, trying to pull the weapon out of his chest, he failed and it broke like a toothpick. The arrow had been delicate but effective. It had obviously been made with magic. No handmade arrow was that well made.
“Adriane,” I heard his faint whisper. It broke my heart into a million pieces, like shattered glass, hearing his desperate call out to me.
“Terryn,” I sobbed over him. “Please don’t go. Please don’t.” I could feel the tears streaming down my cheeks faster than ever. They fell onto my best friend’s wound, and onto his lips. I kissed them tenderly, again and again, feeling the dry cracked lips that he always had.
“Don’t, Adriane,” he told me softly. “Don’t use magic on me. It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not okay!” I whimpered. “Let me help you! Please! I would rather use up all my energy than watch you die!”
He shook his head slowly. It took too much effort. “I’ll always remember the fairytale we had together,” were his last words. Then he took a last, sputtering breath. His eyes closed, and I could almost feel his heart stop beating. I felt his love for me vanish into thin air right before me. My heart lurched.
Memories back from our childhood forced their way into my mind: Terryn and me playing outdoor games together, laughing, hugging, and finally kissing. Eventually, we’d grown up into human beings who loved each other almost more than we loved ourselves. We had been obsessed with each other, obsessed with the idea of our love, and inseparable – until now.
“What’s happened?”
The familiar and cool voice made me look up. “Phoenix,” I cried out. “Help me. Help me, you have to bring him back to life or something –“
He held up a hand. “I don’t think that’s possible, Adriane.”
“But –“
“No buts. It’s not possible. I’m sorry.” Phoenix looked at me with a look that was not at all sincere.
“But now that he’s dead…” He offered me a hand and helped me up. His fingers traced my jawbone and caressed the smoothness of my hair. “Maybe we could –“
“NO!” I shrieked, seeing the satisfied smile that he was hiding. For a split second, he had given away the fact that he was a murderer. I jerked away from him but he held my wrists fast. As hard as I struggled, I knew that Phoenix was four years older than me and a lot stronger. Soon, I gave up.
“I would rather die than be with you,” I hissed.
In response, Phoenix’s eyes widened in anger and he pulled me close to him. I could feel his chest against mine. It reminded me of Terryn’s chest. I tried to remember what it felt like to be pressed up against him, my arms wrapped around his neck, and the sweet scent of freshness about him.
All that came to mind was Phoenix and his chest that was too soft. I knew that he had just been in bird form, and that he had been flying above us. We had been unaware of his presence, and he had taken the advantage. With his mighty beak, he had dropped it right above Terryn, and with the help of magic it had flown right into his heart. I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t been prepared and ready for this to happen. I’d known that Phoenix wanted me, and he wanted me to love him back more than ever.
“You will love me,” Phoenix said angrily, shaking my shoulders roughly. “You will want me. You will hold me, hug me, and kiss me.”
NO! He couldn’t possibly be using magic on me. I fought him with the energy I had left, but it soon withered away like a dead rose petal. His magic was so much stronger than mine, and we both knew it.
“Dreams were made to be crushed,” he told me firmly and without sympathy. “You never get what you want. Nobody deserves to. Not even you.”
I felt my emotions changing, despite my efforts to get away from his magic. It turned around inside of my head, messing up the way I thought about things.
“I love you,” I whispered sweetly, gazing up at his hot body. “I want you.”
Phoenix’s face crumpled and he leaned in. I kissed him first. My arms bundled around his waist, and we kissed for a long time.
Luckily, even his magic wasn’t enough to last for more than five minutes. Soon I was blinking as if waking up from a dream. “Terryn,” I said, my heart racing. “No.”
Phoenix looked sad and disappointed.
“You killed him!” I screeched, pointing a finger straight at him. “I will never forgive you for what you did. Never.”
I never did.
The love that I had for Terryn never ceased. Every day I spent my time mourning over his death. I would always repeat to myself, to him, five simple words:
“I will always love you.”



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This article has 10 comments.


on Nov. 16 2011 at 9:25 am
Jappyalldayeveryday, Detroit, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
They say that good things take time, but really great things happen in the blink of an eye

It sounds like you have a whole story/world made up (people turning into birds?). Write a boook! I think the characters weren't developed enough, but if you made it into a book you'd have time to develop them. 

on Sep. 23 2011 at 9:33 am
lucygirl26 GOLD, Greensboro, North Carolina
11 articles 0 photos 68 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is like a bowl of spaghetti. Every once in a while, you get a meatball." - Sharon Creech

Okay, for some reason, I can't scroll down to your "more" section. help!

on Sep. 19 2011 at 6:34 pm
CarsonFaircloth, Nowhere, New Hampshire
0 articles 0 photos 20 comments

First off, I would like to say that I desperately---that's right; desperately---love the style with which you write. It's beautiful and it flows. Your grammar is also meticulous, and makes it easier to read and enjoy the story.

 

I loved the concept behind this. But---the dreaded "but", I know---I didn't feel enough of a connection. Luckily for you---wink, wink---I have some suggestions! Of course, you can ignore them, but this is, after all, a critique. :P

 

My suggestion? Develop the story a little more. Maybe not a book---there isn't enough of a conflict for that---but definitely a "Short Story Series". Maybe a "Short Story Trilogy". I would suggest writing another short story of Terryn and Adriane's childhood, and introduce Pheonix. Build up the story. Show the early friendship. Maybe some early stirrings of the desire Pheonix feels for Adriane. Also explain some of the way this "magic" works, and what world this is. Give us some background!

 

The second installment---also a short story---could move to their teenage years, where Pheonix's desire has turned to full-on lust. Maybe some action here and there, more magic, and the love blooming between Terryn and Adriane. You could always end that second piece with how this story began---with an arrow piercing Terryn when he was walking with Adriane, or something. Then, of course, this could be the last installment.

 

Of course, you could always develop more conflicts to turn this into a book. The whole "magic" aspect in this definitely makes it possible.

 

Well done, though!


on Sep. 19 2011 at 7:22 am
lucygirl26 GOLD, Greensboro, North Carolina
11 articles 0 photos 68 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is like a bowl of spaghetti. Every once in a while, you get a meatball." - Sharon Creech

Thank you! I will definitely think about that!

on Sep. 18 2011 at 5:30 pm
Love.Hate.Passion., Spring Valley, Illinois
0 articles 0 photos 356 comments

Favorite Quote:
~Hope. Faith. Love~
~Be proud of who you are.You are all unique in a different way.~
~I WILL NOT fade into oblivion , and become less than
a distant memory.~

Your idea wasn't developed enough in  this story. You ended it far too quickly and left many loose ends. I would have liked it to be longer , more full of description , and full with the emotion it should have due to it's romantic nature. Some strong points of your story : Your grammar and spelling are very well done and  you had an original and fresh idea. Keep it up :)

on Sep. 10 2011 at 12:23 am
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 578 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

I think you could slow down the pace a bit--it kind of ended abruptly, but I did like the story a lot. Good job :)

on Sep. 1 2011 at 4:03 pm
lucygirl26 GOLD, Greensboro, North Carolina
11 articles 0 photos 68 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is like a bowl of spaghetti. Every once in a while, you get a meatball." - Sharon Creech

Thank you!

Mystiecub said...
on Aug. 31 2011 at 11:50 am

O.O

Uh...

Ok this left me speechless lol really good job :)


on Aug. 20 2011 at 8:01 pm
lucygirl26 GOLD, Greensboro, North Carolina
11 articles 0 photos 68 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is like a bowl of spaghetti. Every once in a while, you get a meatball." - Sharon Creech

Yeah I see what you mean! I will definitely look at that! Thanks for the feedback!

Mary_S. said...
on Aug. 20 2011 at 7:07 pm
Mary_S., Grand Blanc, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Welcome to the New World, where you'd better watch your neck."

This is very good, although I feel it ended to quickly. Past "My arms bundled around his waist, and we kissed for a long time," everything happens too quickly. Aside from that, this is extremely good!


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