A World in the Hands of a Goblin

July 18, 2011
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BOOM! BOOM! “Ow! Twipper! Stop for the last time!” Twitcher howled. His face ached with bruises from the consecutive fireballs Twipper had launched at him.
“I’m a better fireball thrower than you, and I have proved it!” Twipper shot back.

“Yeah, but you’re not better than Flichtich! Or Jumpump!” Twitcher retorted.

“I so am!”

“No!”

“Yes!”
“No!”
“Hey wait a minute, pal. The announcements are on!” Twipper noticed.
“DON’T CALL ME PAL!”
“Be quiet!”
Daily, this is what happened at Advance Attackers Academy of Goblins. That’s right! Goblins. In this school that was at least thrice as large as the size of the Europe, they threw fireballs, ice balls, poison balls, etc., bickered, ate, and bickered some more. Today, however…
“Ladies and gentlegoblins! We are disappointed to announce that a vampire as broken into our city! It is going to kill us all if we don’t stop it. Therefore, we have selected ten goblins from our school to face the dangers. Twitcher, Twipper, Flichtich, Jumpump, Tibley, Chibby, Semtom, Chemord, Eo, and last but not least, Jopremise. You will represent Goblentity, our city. Good luck to you all!”
Silence greeted this announcement. Since school was now over, Twipper blasted the front door open, and strolled home. The goblin shuddered. Vampires. Last time one came, a staggering 850 goblins were bitten, 143 were possessed, and 79 goblins had tragically lost their lives (in the city of Goblenta 10 years ago), until the vampire got bored rigid, and flew off. Wiping a leaf green tear, Twipper recollected that his parents were among the unfortunate 79, as they had visited Goblenta at that time. Twipper’s mind was clouded with a feeling he couldn’t recognize, and he couldn’t think straight. Should he fight? Was it a good idea? Who else would die this time? If too much damage was done, they would summon the Lemitex. Yes. That would solve everything. Thinking so, he fell into a deep slumber.
Twipper started the next day like any other normal day (even for humans) that would put you straight to sleep if I began to describe it. However, at noon, the squad was “respectfully invited” to report to the school’s main office (disobeying or forgetting could result in 10 year jail term).
“You-know-what hunters!” Principal Boltric (Principal Essentric, the students called him). “Our sources have reported. We have information that you-know-what is currently hiding in Chim Forest. You are to report there immediately, or else.”
By now, you should’ve guessed that you-know-what means vampire. Principal Boltric claims that a vampire cursed him, and he would instantly become stone if he said “vampire”. Students reckon that he has the vampire wisp, which means he can’t say “vampire” in a way goblins can understand.
Anyway, Twipper and the squad rushed into the dense, dark forest, fearing Principal Essentric. While the squad closed in on the vampire’s territory, Twipper heard a rustling noise behind him in the bushes. Instantly, he halted.
“What is it Twipper?” Twitcher nervously asked.
“Nothing. You keep going. I’ll catch up.”
“If this is another plot to attack me…”
“I have better things to worry about than attacking you,” Twipper grumbled back.
Twipper slowly crept further. As he started accelerating, he heard the same noise again.
“Cool! Cool! It’s nothing,” the goblin consoled himself. His heart thumping against his chest, he slowly crept forward. CRACK!
“Yikes! Oh phew!” He had bent over to just discern that he had treaded on a twig. As he moved on, the trees started to appear unusual. With the diminutive light that penetrated through the trees, he noticed that one looked like a vampire. Another gave the impression of being a ghost he had viewed in a movie three years ago. Once again, a rustling noise filled Twipper’s ears. This was the last straw. Immediately, he spun around and launched a fireball in every direction.
“Ow!” a yell pierced the otherwise serene air. “Twipper! You little…”
“Eo?” Twipper guessed. He laughed with relief. Eo looked hilarious! Her hair was sticking up, and she was covered in ashes from head to toe, except for the round, white eyes. Thinking so, once again, he failed to stifle a giggle.
“How dare you?!”
Twipper froze instantly. What was Eo going to do? Eo drew her breath and launched a massive, blue-green ball. Before he could conjure any balls…
“Take this, Twip!” Excruciating pain struck Twipper. It was worse than anything he had ever experienced.
“The Zenith Ball!” the goblin gasped with sudden realization and everything became dark…
Gradually, everything came back to focus. Yet… he was in a dissimilar location! It was… a wooden cabin! A large black stew pot, with blood red soup filled up to the brim, sat in the corner. He could barely stifle a scream when he turned around. With an enormous black cape, piercing fangs, sharper than the sharpest dagger, and dark, purple eyes that would haunt you for the rest of your life, the vampire ogled straight at Twipper’s wide eyes. Instinctively, Twipper blasted an ultra ball, which included all the balls combined. However, swirling its cape, the vampire absorbed the ultra ball, which had caused no ostensible damage. Twipper stood frozen like a statue, gaping.

Seizing advantage of Twipper’s pin-drop silence, the vampire muttered an incantation and made a few complicated wrist movements. Twipper began dashing away, but he was slowing down! As if his feet had a mind of its own, he jogged back towards the vampire! Slowly, he was starting to lose control of himself. His hands were washing the feet of the vampire, and Twipper felt a strange sense of satisfaction. How good it felt, being able to feel those holy feet! In the goblin world, this only meant one thing: Twipper was being possessed.

…………………………………………..



Meanwhile, back at Goblentity, a colossal parade humming a outlandish tune filled the air. The sacrifice to summon the Lemitex had been consummated. To beckon the Lemitex, the town had to sacrifice 50 lives by boiling them in a vessel adjacent to the Lemitex temple. Given that only 25 goblins fulfilled the requirements, half the Lemitex would arrive. Ultimately, half a massive bird, as large as 200 school buses, stretched across the sky, blocking the sun. Even though it was split in half, its glory was beyond anything we, humans, have ever viewed. A diamond crown, encrusted with emeralds and rubies, was laid on the bird god. Its talons were sharp enough to rip through diamond. Those blue, blue eyes would make you stand awestruck for a few minutes, and the skin was as white and pure as the luminosity of the Sun. Could this glorious half bird devastate the pathological fear of Goblentity?

The enormous half bird swooped away from the cheering and celebrating crowd towards the woodlands in which the ultimate trepidation of the town dwelled. Within seconds, it spotted the shack. WHOOSH! CRACK! With a swift movement of its tail, the Lemitex split the shack in half, leaving the vampire in extreme astonishment. Coming back to its senses, the vampire was about to conjure the very force his parents and grandparents had used to devastate the Lemitex previously. Just as it was about to finish the incantation, the Lemitex charged and knocked the vampire off its feet. Enraged, the vampire charged back up. Slowly, it spread its wings, and allowed the gentle breeze lift it off the ground. Dodging the next attack, the vampire unleashed its ultimate power. The power was so intense, even the Lemitex swaggered, as the spell scorched several parts of it. Once again, the vampire unleashed its power. The Lemitex stumbled. Slowly, it swayed, and started losing balance. With one last blow, the once glorious bird crashed to the ground with a THUMP that caused all the windows and glass in Goblentity to shatter.

At this point, even I have to do some guesswork. I believe that the fatal blows he sent to finish off the Lemitex greatly weakened him. He probably lost a decent chunk of his power.

Whatever the cause, the vampire lost the power to possess. 100s of previously possessed goblins rushed out the door.

“Wait! We can fight it together! We have a chance! It’s like… what? 250 against 1? Come on!” Twipper repeatedly yelled fruitlessly. However, one look into the vampire’s purple eye, and Twipper too fled for his life.
……………………..

What a relief it was to be back home after all that time. At home, he sank into a soft, green armchair. His brain ached from trying to recollect previous memories. Slowly, he fell into a deep sleep. The next morning, Twipper awoke, and found himself in the armchair instead of bed!

“Aah!” Memories of yesterday’s occurrences flooded his mind. After grabbing some milk and garlic bread, Twipper plopped down on the same green armchair. Suddenly, a strange shadow appeared next to him! By now, Twipper was experienced enough to immediately recognize it as his enemy, but was still taken by surprise. Unexpectedly, something surged through him. It overpowered his fear. Teeth gritted, eyebrows knitted, and fists clenched, even the vampire took a step back. This creature spoiled his life. It took away his tranquility. It took away his parents. The time to avenge had come! He could do it! Twipper alone was strong enough to take on this vampire. Trembling, he picked up his tea cup, and launched it at the vampire with force one could not describe in words! The tea cup, though, shattered against the vampire harmlessly.
Subsequently, Twipper chucked his garlic bread at the vampire, which turned green. What irony! This goblin had least expected that garlic bread, or something in garlic bread, would be sufficient to destroy vampires! Twipper dashed to the refrigerator like a tiger hunting a swift deer. Quickly, he rummaged through. The vampire was closing in on him! Almost! Yes! Twipper was a successful tiger! He grabbed the box of garlic bread, and dumped out its contents. The goblin scooped up the garlic bread, and flung it at the vampire. Garlic bread! The vampire’s only weakness! Trembling, the vampire transformed into nothing more than a heap of dust on the ground.

For the first time, Twipper felt truly jubilant. He had finished off his parents’ vanquisher. The thought put him in a totally different world. He didn’t hear the city charging into his house, and lifting Twipper over their shoulders, chanting his name repeatedly. Nor did he see the gold and silver that was being piled on his feet. But, one thing instantly snapped him back into reality. A trio of goblins wearing yellow stars, and carrying big, ball-proof sticks marched towards the hero. What were the police goblins there for?

“Twipper…” one of them read of a scroll. “Charged for murdering a vampire, attack on two poor, helpless goblins who didn’t even finish school, Eo and Twitcher, and unlicensed use of the ultra ball. Furthermore, accused of forcing public to repay him with gold and silver and slaying half the Lemitex.”
Twipper was more shocked than he was when he found out ultra balls had no effect on vampires.

“My my!” cried another officer. “Well, we are henceforth arresting you.” The young goblin found him being dragged into a car, which sped away after he was forced in.

“Wait!” someone in the crowd fruitlessly called. “He didn’t force us to do anything. “And you can use ultra balls if you really need it!

The crowd ran after the police car as far as they could, and fell down, panting. Twipper would have to save himself.


But did Twipper really go to jail? My research tells me that Twipper was brought to the police station, where he was brought in front of the chief. Instead of being punished, though, the chief looked at Twipper with kind eyes that made him think of his parents.

“Congratulations,” he barely whispered.

“Uh… Thanks!” Twipper replied uncertainly. “I… I’m not being… punished?”

“Heavens no! Well, maybe. It depends on how you look at it.” What on Goblentity was Chief Burnkins talking about?

“I can tell you are confused, child,” he murmured. “Let me get down to business. The vampire you have destroyed… is not really gone yet. You can’t finish off a vampire with just a box of garlic bread. The vampire had almost died. More garlic, and you could have finished it off. But, well, the vampire somehow returned to its homeland.” Silence followed.

“So, what do I have to do?”

“You and I will take these garlic guns…” he paused to display a closet filled with sleek, black guns that gave off a strong odor of… garlic. “And then we will travel to the vampire’s land, and, with the help of the Goblentity army, we will get rid of every last vampire.”

“Wow!” Twipper gasped. Of all things, he had least expected this.

“Oh! And you will be the general. Here’s your uniform. We will begin in one week. You deserve a rest from vampire hunting.”

“No! Let’s go now!” Twipper contradicted.

“Enough Twipper! You need a week. You deserve a week. It is probably the last peaceful weak you will have in maybe a year, or even a decade! Say good-bye to your friends. Enjoy this golden week.”

Clearly defeated, Twipper stepped back. He could hardly imagine how the last week before he could possibly die would be peaceful, but Twipper knew better than arguing with the chief of police. The chief waved over an officer.

“Take him home,” he requested.

“Yes, sir!” he yelled, saluting.
………………………


The next day, he was back in school. For a week. For a week. The chief’s words kept ringing through his cranium.

“Yeow!” he yelled. “Twitcher! What was that for?”

“I’m a better fireball thrower than you, and I have proved it!” Twitcher yelled, his long finger pointed at Twipper, eyes gleaming in the light, and a grin stretched from ear to ear.

“No!”

“Yes!”

“Why don’t we stop arguing for once? It’s the last week we have together!” Twipper suggested.

“Good idea. Truce?”

“Truce, pal, “ Twipper accepted.

“DON’T CALL ME PAL!”





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