Okay, alright, calm down. I am indeed the evil stepmother of Snow White. Yes, I did try to have her killed a few times. But you know what? I’m not all that evil and Snow White, well…She’s not all that great. She ain’t much of a looker, either. I mean, come on. Have you seen her? She’s a child. A girl! No woman. Men want a woman. Not a girl.

So I know what you’re thinking: “Ah! Evil stepmother! How green with jealous rage she is of Snow White!” Okay, well first off, my name is not “evil stepmother.” It’s Darlene. Secondly, sure, I was jealous of Snow White. All of the attention that girl got, but surely did not deserve. She got it all. I had to do something. How would you feel if some undeserving princess took the spotlight from you, the queen? Murderous, right? Exactly. So here we go…

The little brat was only a few years old when her witch of a mother died. That poor soul; may she rot in pieces. Now, I met the king as a humble, fun-loving woman who was not looking for love, specifically, but rather just to rule and be presented with riches. But all he knew was that we were in love. Blah, blah, blah…His queen at the time was still alive and well; pregnant with the tiny wrench. But what can I say? The king fell in love with me. I am beautiful and somewhat kind after all. I was so close to royalty; the only existing piece that was in my way was the queen and her unborn spawn. I spent years going out with the king, leading him on into thinking that I was in any way in love with him instead of his throne, and planning the queen’s death. Time soon ran out, and she had that baby. “I shall name her Snow White!” she declared in her royally pain-in-the-butt sing-song voice. Pah, Snow White. What an ungodly name for a girl. Despite the birth of this child of pure ugliness, the king fell deeper in love with me. Not even a potion or a spell of any kind was used! How grand! He adored me. I felt fit to be a queen, you know. Everyday, I envisioned the queen lying dead on the castle floor and little Snow White huddled above her; the crown being placed on my head and my body being cozy on the velvety throne. It was so gloriously close, I could’ve tasted it.

In little than a few years after the little runt was graced with the gift of life that she was not deserving of, I finally carried out my plan. Late one night, I snuck into the castle and slipped past sleeping guards into Snow White’s room, where her mother of everything terrible, rocked her back and forth to sleep, accompanied by a softly sung lullaby. In my right hand, I wielded a sharp knife of fantastic shine, and, with great stealth, I tip toed behind the queen, who was seated in a rocking chair, holding Snow White as if she were still a newborn baby, singing a lullaby in her soft, hushed, and notorious sing-song voice that was like needles piercing my ears…To me, anyway. For about four seconds, I paused and listened:

“My little Snow White,
May you be blessed with sweet dreams,
And protection as you float on
Into your sleep.
My dear angel sweet, I love you…”

It disgusted me. I just couldn’t bear to listen any longer. I raised my hand and in one swift motion, the queen took a breath to complete the verse and I took a breath, too, and sliced a perfect gash across her throat. The unfortunate lady gasped and took her wound into her hands and gripped. I stalked forward to see her face and what I saw…oh, of course it made me smile. It was all I had imagined, and more. Blood gushed out of her spaced fingers all over the sleeping girl on her lap. Fast asleep, the child did not even flinch as red poured onto her snow white flesh. The queen looked down at her daughter that she would soon be leaving behind, and single tears fell down her face, without a sound. My head shot up as I heard footsteps approach in the distance, and I quietly cursed to myself. I bid my farewell to the dying queen and wished aloud that I had killed the girl while I had the chance.

The very next day, the whole town had heard of the deceased queen and everything was silent and sorrowful; except for me, of course. I visited the king and, as I had expected, he informed me of the death of his wife. He did cry a bit as I pretended to be surprised, but still quite satisfied with myself for carrying out a plan that should have been executed years ago and getting off scotch-free. He quietly spoke, “Dearest Darlene, I cannot be a lonely man. And little Snow White…well, she will be in need of a mother figure to learn from. What am I without a queen? My lady please, oh please, do be mine.” Oh, how sweet. I had been waiting for the longest time to hear those words. This town would soon have a greater, more beautiful, and much more powerful queen as the king presented to me a diamond on a gold band and a crown made of the finest gold and rubies. I smiled, and humbly accepted. We were wed immediately, and the entire town, seemingly forgetful of the death that had occurred only the night before, was there; an extraordinary wedding, to welcome an extraordinary queen.

So, as you can plainly see, I am no evil-doer. I am simply a queen. Am I not allowed to have my dreams come true? Does it truly matter that I did have to commit a…ahem, an unfortunate and slightly deserved killing so I could be placed rightfully on a throne? If you think it does matter, than you are the evil one here. I do what I can to survive and live happily. I am entitled to that, after all. Well, anyway.

As for Snow White, oh, she made me angrier than anything. I would spend days watching her from the window of my bedroom. I’d look down in disgust as she would play in the garden; singing to birds and the other members of nature. It was truly sickening, I tell you. She was a dreadful girl. I did end up allowing her to live until the ripe age of 13, when I just could not take it anymore. Something needed to be done about her. Everyone loved her so dearly, like she was some sort of rare jewel (more like a rare, slimy creature, in my opinion). You know, even my own magic mirror would tell me over and over again how “Oh, dear queen, Snow White is the fairest of them all!” This would not do! Everyday, townspeople would cry, “Look! It’s Snow White! Lips of crimson! Hair like ebony wood! And skin as white as snow! Such a fine, lovely young lady! Her parents must be just so proud!” NO! NO! NO! Not even close! It was all I ever heard! The sound of her name made me want to kill. I will admit, I tried on a few occasions to commit…a…uhh…another act of death; similar to that of her mother’s fate. But you know, 11 years! I’ve had to deal with her. Snow White…Gah, what was so special about her, I ask you!

And so finally, I thought I had the greatest plan ever conceived. I had become friends with a huntsman, who lived deep in the woods in a tiny cottage. He specialized in acts of death; a gift from above! The one I had needed all along! To do it myself, oh, it would be much too risky. The huntsman practiced no mercy, like myself, and did not mind, or seem to mind anyway, that it was precious, innocent little Snow White that I wanted dead. I went into the forest where his little cottage existed, and told him what I wanted to be done. “Take her out into the woods, deeper than where we are now,” he nodded in response, “and cut out her heart and lung. Bring them to me, huntsman! For proof, you understand. I want her dead! Unbreathing! Cold and stiff, huntsman. I will certainly pay you generously.” And away I went, back to my castle.

You could be thinking about how evil this is. Okay, well it’s not. I have already explained that I am not in any way evil. I am simply a queen; THE queen. The princess does not get more attention than the queen, everyone knows that. Or at least, should. And so I had to send the huntsman to capture Snow White and commit an act of death against her, deep in the woods, where no one but I and the huntsman will know where she has gone. I am only doing this to…teach her a lesson about how the princess does not deserve more than the queen. I am the queen. She is the princess. But, of course, she does not seem to comply with this. Therefore, a lesson needs to be taught. Moving on…

And so on a bright, sunny Sunday afternoon while Snow White was playing out in the garden and I watched carefully from my window, the huntsman arrived. He entered into my bedroom and scared me a little bit (don’t tell anyone. As far as anyone is concerned, I am afraid of nothing). I opened my window and yelled, “SNOW WHITEEE! DEAREST SNOW WHITE, PLEASE COME INTO THE COURTYARD! I HAVE SOME IMPORTANT NEWS FOR YOU!” She looked up as I was yelling for her, and it made my blood boil. I couldn’t wait for her to be exterminated like the little insect she was. The huntsman and I made it down into the courtyard and Snow White was already there, playing like always. “Snow White, dearie,” I began, “this lovely man here is going to take you to a special place, love. His name is…” I looked at him, “is…” He boomed, “Wilhelm!” “Ah, yes! Wilhelm! Now, you behave for Wilhelm, okay? And do not stray from him, do you understand?” Snow White looked up at me with her irritating, beady little eyes and wore a face of worry, “But, stepmother where is he taking me?” I was losing my patience and I will admit it took everything I had to keep myself from strangling her. “I don’t know! Just go and listen to Wilhelm!” I snarled. And away they went. I watched until they disappeared into the woods…Hopefully, never to be heard from again. Later that night, Wilhelm came back, and to confirm the death of Snow White, handed to me her heart and lung. I took them greedily, and placed them inside of a glass case that I then hung on my wall. What wonderful trophies, I did have.

Until the next morning, I approached my magic mirror and recited my rhyme.

Mirror, Mirror, Snow White is now truly deceased.
Mirror, Mirror, tell me please,
Is there anyone else,
Anyone at all,
Who is nearly as fair as me?

That crazy mirror said in return,

Dear Queen, I must tell ye,
Snow White is still out there,
Alive, healthy, and free.
The Huntsman told her to run away,
And so with 7 little dwarves in their home,
She does stay.

I could hardly breathe! That damned huntsman! He betrayed me! And the trophies I thought belonged to Snow White at one point, they were a hoax! I was shaking with anger, and so yes, I did have the huntsman hunted down and killed. So there’s that. I had to think of something else, and quickly. She was still out there, alive and breathing! The more I imagined it, the angrier I became. I did know of the dwarves’ home, for they were the main source of coal and gold, so they had strong ties with the kingdom. I knew exactly what I would do. I needed a disguise, you know. Obviously the huntsman had told Snow White about how I wanted her dead. Although I do not understand why he would do that…Perhaps she had wooed him with her beauty and innocence. Gag me. I knew I had to do this myself, for there was no one else I could trust. Everyone was enamored with the girl, for reasons unknown to me. And so I thought…and I thought…Until finally, I discovered the perfect plan; even more perfect than the one I had before! Oh, it was just great! It would have to work!
I began planning that night, while the king was nowhere to be seen and I had no idea where the man was; so the timing was just perfect. He seemed to disappear often, but I did not complain. It gave me much more time to plan the death of his useless daughter. And so I created a costume and different designs to completely conceal my looks (which is a shame, having to paint over my beauty). But it seemed to be a small price to pay for the death of the girl. I sewed torn and tattered robes to create the image of an old homeless woman, in addition to a little bit of temporary witchcraft, to change my facial features and my stature, from tall and thin, to short and hunch-backed. I decided that I would act as a woman without a home, in need of some coins for food. I would sell to her a potion. I would tell her that it is used to protect her against evil creatures and spirits. Of course, it is actually a potion for a little thing called INSTANT DEATH! Hahahahaha! And with that, completely disguised and unrecognizable, I headed out to the dwarves’ home.
I reached their tiny cottage around noon, and when I did, I spotted Snow White, cleaning the kitchen and cooking some quite delightful foods. OH! WHAT AM I SAYING? IT WAS DISGUISTING TO MY NOSE! What a worthless human being! A foul creature! My bones shivered with madness and I watched her from behind the tree. After a few minutes of wallowing in my anger, I waddled towards the home. I called out, “Hello? Is anyone in there? I do have something you might be interested in! Please, offer your kindness to me, an old homeless and penniless woman!” I saw Snow White peek out from the window. “Ah, there you are, sweet! Oh, please do offer your eyes to what I have to sell!” Snow White looked at me with confusion, but soon she faded into her typical and gross kindness and became full view from the other side of the window. She flashed me one of her notorious smiles that everyone loved so much and said, “Well, I do not see the harm in it! What do you have to sell, old woman?” I pulled out the vile of poison and explained to her. “Well, you see, this vile holds some of the most powerful protection you can attain. Just one swig, and all evil doers and demons will be expelled and you will never be bothered with again. For a shiny piece of gold, you can have it. What do you say, dear?” I studied Snow White’s face as she considered it, and finally, in her mother’s sing-song voice, chimed, “I will take it, old woman. One piece of gold, you say?” We exchanged our items, and away I went. I stood behind a nearby tree and watched her. She was holding the vile, and quietly said, “If it’ll protect me…” and took a swallow. I felt my heart stop with anticipation, and quickly heard a loud thud. It was indeed Snow White’s dead little body collapsing. Dead. She was finally dead. Oh, I could hardly contain my joy! Finally! All the hard work was paid off, and I was surely the fairest of all!
I traveled back to my castle, resting assure that Snow White would remain dead. I treated myself to a large feast, and inviting many of the higher townspeople. My king sat at the other end of the feasting table, and man, did he feast! They all asked, “Where is Snow White on this fine day? Why is she not outside, singing to the birds and emitting rays of light?” The king looked worried. “Yes, where is that girl? I haven’t seen her in days!” I slammed my fork down on the table and screamed, “FORGET ABOUT THE GIRL! SHE IS DEAD!” Yeah. I hadn’t expected that I would scream that. But I did. Everyone stared at me in horror and silent fell over us all. One plump man piped up, “She’s dead? How did she die? She was only a child!” I thought about Snow White’s little corpse lying on the floor of the dwarves’ home, but did not breathe a word. The man spoke again, “Well…?” I stammered, “Well…um…She died of a heart attack. Such…such a terribly weak heart!” Everyone clamored together, accusing me of lying. How dare they? Me? Accuse me of lying? Well…“THE WOMAN LIES! SHE DESTROYED SNOW WHITE, HERSELF!” “WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING?” “TERRIBLE! TERRIBLE! SHE WAS BUT A CHILD!” Over all of the noise, the king raised his voice and stood up from the table. “SILENCE!” It followed. “My queen…is this true? Have you killed my one and only daughter?” I could not bear to answer. I felt like slithering under the table and curling up to my death. But there I stayed as my king looked at me with anger and sadness. “Queen…Oh, dear queen…Tell me. Where is Snow White?” My voice shook, “She…She is in the woods…In a house of 7 dwarves…I left her there to rot…I had to…” My eyes wide and teary, the king once again raised his voice. “Death to you, my queen! You have destroyed an innocent child, and I do ban you from this castle and this town and this country altogether! I cannot allow a murderous fiend to live anywhere near me! You have deleted my girl from this world, and I do hope death upon you! Now leave!” Everyone was silent as I slowly started to slip out of my seat. I took the crown off my head and onto the table. The king looked around, “As for all of you, I need you to go and find my daughter’s body and bring her back her. I will summon a witch to bring her back alive, if she can. This world is nothing without my pure Snow White.” And with that, I left.
I now reside in the woods in the outskirts of the kingdom in a makeshift home that I created myself. Do I deserve this punishment? I do not think so. The girl was selfish and worthless. Last I heard, an old witch did revive little Snow White and she got married to some desperate prince. How disgusting. How is it that she gets to become a queen and I, a homeless woman? I am twice the queen she could ever be. I do still hold hate for her, and I do wish more than anything that they wouldn’t have found me out. She deserves to be alone and homeless; not me. She’s so spoiled and rotten…Everything gets handed to her on a silver platter, while I am here, eating things I scavenger from these woods. I am simply misunderstood. I do not do things because I am evil; I only do what I can to get ahead. I’m a “cut your throat to get what I want” kind of gal. Not evil. Do not assume you people know all about me and who I am. Snow White is the evil one, I am simply the victim.
I am simply a queen.