Outer Space: The Remedy for Troubles With Work, Love, and Health

February 26, 2011
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“Hey Bill pour me some coffee will ya”?

Bill looked over at John with an exhausted look on his face. “Sorry John”, Bill said “I’m really tired, the wife kind of yelled at me last night and I couldn’t sleep all night”. Bill has had some wife problems recently and it has been affecting his work.

“Bill, I’m afraid I will have to fire you if you can’t get your personal problems under control”, John said.

“Sorry boss, it won’t happen again” Bill said.

“That is what they all say. Remember when Josh had girl problems? We had to kick him out and hire you!”

“Josh McLain”, Bill said not paying attention to what his boss was saying.

“Yep that’s the one, great kid, just couldn’t handle his love life, hopefully you can”, John said.

“Let’s switch topics, how’s work boss”? Bill asked.

“It’s fine. Now, boy, you need to get started on that digital swimming pool before the Adrons start calling”, John exclaimed.

“Boss,” Bill responded. “They’re called the Adronians”.

A Digital swimming pool is a pool that is stored underground and if you press a button it appears, and if you press it again the swimming pool disappears. The Adronians are a small group of aliens that settled on Earth to learn our customs.

“Oh yes” said John. “Do they seem strange to you?”

“Well, they are the only aliens on the planet” exclaimed Bill.

“I would have never guessed they were aliens”, said John. “Well, I am half blind so I can barely see them to guess at what they are“.

“Boss, can I go”? asked Bill.

Bill you seem different” said John.

“Yeah, I turned into a Zombie” said Bill.

“That would explain why you’re having girl problems” exclaimed John.

The Adronians are not use to our air. On their planet, called Switch, their air is much denser and has a lot more flavor. If you go outside on their planet it smells like strawberries. But inside Switch’s caves where the Adronians live, it smells like skunk. The Adronians have very strange rituals where they kiss a tree and then sing before they can eat. Often their food contains an ingredient from an alien plant called mush. Mush is very tasty and if you put a little pepper on it, it tastes great!
The Adronians like Alpacas. Humans trade Alpakas for some of the Adronians’ food because its so good and keeps people healthy and reverses aging. Alpacas are like currency. They are like money we trade with the Adronians.
You might not think that the Adronians are smarter than us but you are wrong. They have created time portals and space portals. They have also created healing cream which heals anyone and makes them live longer. The healing cream smells like dirty socks, it is grass green, and it is also very warm when you rub it on your skin. One tube of healing cream is equal to two Alpakas. The difference between the healing cream and the Alpacas is Alpacas are like a religious symbol, and the cream is for our health.
We trade Adronians for Alpakas for almost everything, because that’s all Adronians want from us. There is only one small family or group of Adronians on Earth. Humans have a small group on the Adronians world, Switch, which means “the helpful one” in their language. The Adronians also like to sing and chant songs they call arugas. Arugas sound like cats purring. The Adronians are a very strange race.

The Adronians have a terrible, dark secret. Their secret is they use Alpacas to lure humans to their planet. There, the Adronians transform themselves into the humans.
The way the Adronians transform into the humans is through the chanting of strange Arugas incantations. The copied humans never realize what is happening but are treated like tourists and given a long vacation on Switch. While the copied humans vacation on Switch, the transformed Adronians travel back to Earth.
Bill and John were teleported to Switch. They had a great time but Bill missed his wife. He realized that while on Switch he loved his wife more than anything and was determined not to make her upset or find reason to yell at him anymore. He even took a tube of the healing cream back home as he thought this would help heal the wounds of their troubled marriage. When he returned to earth, John said Bill was such a better worker and Bill’s wife said he was a better husband. Except for a certain strangeness that Bill’s wife could not quite identify. However, Bill’s wife thought he should have gone to Switch sooner.

There is nothing like an outer space voyage to heal a marriage, and make someone a better worker or even something more!





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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

LovelyMiss This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 13, 2011 at 5:16 pm
Ha wow I liked this very amusing.... Kiss a tree and sing before they eat? Ha WTF but kinda funny!:) u have one open mind:) 5 stars!:D
 
Paul replied...
Mar. 19, 2011 at 4:22 pm
great story! very funny sci-fy story
 
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