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"Shoot."

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I looked at the item I had just stole for the first time in my life. It was a small black device that had a huge silver circle, a lens the new museum people called it. It’s metallic black coating glistened in the hot sun as I stood outside, frightened and not knowing what to do . I was only seven at the time, and had taken the so called camera object out of the glass box just to examine it. I was used to examining things in the museum when my father was the owner of the place. Now he was the ruler of the civilization and I couldn’t do that. Not anymore.

My father was James Ryans and was way different as a museum owner. He was nice and never liked the government teachings. He was interested in the tall tales entitled “American history” ,which included so many stories about a country so similar to our civilization. But because of that people treated my family harshly and looked down at us, especially the government. Even though things were tough, that was the way my father always liked it; rebellion against the government along with action at every corner. Mom and I like this as well.

I remembered the day everything changed. He was originally going to show me the camera, but was one day taken by the people in the jumpsuits, who interview and take people to the mental institution for the government. Everyone knows by the news that the mental institution was a horrible place and therefore Mom was scared. They took her soon after father was gone and put me in a foster home with two horrible people. It was miserable in there and when they took me out on my sixth birthday, almost a year later, it only got worse.

When I saw my father I cried out of joy but he only nodded his head to me and ignored me for the first time. But of course it the first for many things. First time I learned the words ’legal’ and ’illegal’. First time I had to memorize rules and never talk about history. The first time I was yelled at and smacked for mentioning history. It was also the first and ongoing time that I disliked my new ‘better’ parents. Everyone suddenly liked them except for me. I never changed my ways or the beliefs my old father use to believe.

I guess that’s why I stole the camera. It was ours in the first place and was supposed to be mine. I knew I shouldn’t be doing it, for my 'new daddy’ would smack me again for the umpteenth time. But I was used to that and did not care.

I started to run as fast as my little feet could go towards the direction in front of me. I used a new word I read from a book which my parents restricted me from saying, claming it was a bad word; my feet hurt like crazy and the camera burned in my small stubby hands.

I heard the sounds of sirens and I said the bad word again, this time in a high-pitched squeal- I wanted everyone to know that the ruler’s daughter was rebelling against her own parents. I sprinted across the parking lot and into the playground, kicking my new but muddy flat shoes off. I climbed up the slide and jumped off, grunting as I hit the sandy floor but moving on into the shopping center.

I ran inside and to the center of the shopping area, circling around and around the pole that had the video camera. It was live so I was hoping the security guards would just get dizzy watching me. Of coursed my seven year old brain had not thought out the plan entirely and I ended up the only dizzy person.


I soon saw people in jumpsuits and police officer coming in through the shopping center’s doors, along with the security guards running downstairs towards my direction. I gently put the camera down and used my last act of defiance before the police harshly grabbed my tiny arms and cuffed me.

“Shoot.”



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This article has 12 comments. Post your own now!

MrScience21 said...
Jun. 1, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Hey!

You know, I think your writing just keeps getting better and better! The plot here is short, sweet, and genius! Keep on writing!

 
smockingbird1997 said...
Mar. 27, 2011 at 2:43 pm
OMG! I had no idea you were such an amazing writer! That whole concept is amazing. I'm definatly going to use this or one of your other pieces for my recitation in public speaking class.
 
Alia_TanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 27, 2011 at 11:23 pm
Yay! Im so glad this story is succesful! I think im going to post the next peice of this story!!! :D :D :D
 
Braves1011 said...
Mar. 21, 2011 at 11:17 am
I really like the whole idea pf the story. It can easily be turned into a novel and i can't wait to read it. Great job!
 
EmilyGram said...
Mar. 19, 2011 at 8:28 pm

Interesting!  I like the whole situation that you've set up here.  I think the new dynamic between the father and daughter is really fascinating - almost haunting!  One criticism I have is that the story reads almost like a summary instead of events that the reader can watch unfolding.  I think if you expand this piece with more detail, you could have a really amazing beginning to a novel!  Keep writing!

PS.  Is there any play on words with the word "shoot... (more »)

 
EmilyGram replied...
Mar. 19, 2011 at 8:29 pm
Please check out my Sci-fi novel White Ribbon!
 
BrielleM said...
Mar. 9, 2011 at 7:13 pm

I, for one, loved this! (: I love the idea that the father has changed, but the daughter still remembers everything and keeps his "dream" alive in that way. Did that make any sense?

I suppose a seven year old wouldn't know about some of things mentioned...but, then again, I didn't take her to be a normal seven year old even when I had just begun reading.

Anyway, I really loved this and hope you do a continuation.

 
Alia_TanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 9, 2011 at 11:55 pm
thank you so much for your comment :) She isnt really a normal seven year old, probably smarter than most because of her father when he was a meusum owner :)
 
Midnight_Hum This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 8, 2011 at 4:32 pm

As far as I could tell, the story takes place in a dystopian future.

The hardest part for me, though I really liked the ending (and I'm not just saying that, trust me) is that the story is from the perspective of a seven year old. A seven year old does not know what 'mental institutions are' (not a normal seven year old, which is what the protagonist is, as far as I could tell), the girl would just realize that her dad was gone. You didn't really sell me on that part.

I also tho... (more »)

 
Alia_TanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 8, 2011 at 8:03 pm
Hi :) its not really a future where people are scared, dehumanized yes though. They do not know about the history b4 them and htink that the earth just started. The only people tht know about the american history is her family, which is y she probably knows more than most seven year olds. She is the daughter of what used 2 be a historian by the way :) I guess, i probaly sohuld not have started the story in the middle of a plot. I was pretty sure i explained how and why she took the camera, but i... (more »)
 
charmiypiggy said...
Mar. 3, 2011 at 1:46 am
The concept for this piece was interesting, but a little confusing as well. Her father was a museum owner who got taken away and then became a leader? Your writing was mostly good, with several grammar mistakes, and the style was good. You keep leaving out commas in some areas. Good job!
 
Alia_TanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 3, 2011 at 2:01 am
Thank you for your comment :) i do realize that the fact a museum owner becoming a leader is pretty illogical, but thats kind of part of the mystery behind the story, which will probably be explained in a countinuation of this story i hope to be doing soon :) Thank you for pointing that out :D Also, i do realize there are some mistakes; i had just realized that after i submitted it :P silly me lol Thank you again! Im eager to read more of your articles soon!
 
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