One Late Night...

February 11, 2011
By chelliex65 BRONZE, Farmingville, New York
chelliex65 BRONZE, Farmingville, New York
3 articles 0 photos 29 comments

One late night I was sitting on a bench waiting for the bus to come pick me up. It was a freezing February night, which only made the bench I was perched on that much of an ice box. The stop was isolated. The solitude of my person only broken when a straggler walked by to race home to their toasty apartment. If only my life were that easy. Instead I have to take the late night bus to get back to my rundown apartment all the way downtown. Unfortunately this is my only form of transportation apart from hitching a ride from some friendly stranger looking to do a good deed for that night.

Blowing hot air into my hands to warm them I notice an older man cross the street heading towards my bench. He’s wearing a snow cap and a heavy black jacket. The darkness of his clothing making his gray whiskers stand out. He sits down on the opposite side, hands in his lap, focusing like an eager school boy on the street light across the way. He turns in my direction, noticing me for the first time.

“Freezing night” he says, stating the obvious.

“It is. I feel like I’m spouting icicles over here.” I say.

“Waiting for the bus?” he asks me.

“Yeah, if it ever comes on time. I might just end up not going home. I have to be here again tomorrow anyway.” I answer.

“Work?” he asks as if interrogating me.

“Yeah. It helps me make the money I need to pay the rent on my apartment.”

“You’re young.” he says examining me. “You young people today always worry about everything. Where I’m from we don’t have to worry about much.”

“Wait. Don’t you mean ‘when I was young’ or ‘in my day’?” I ask but he was already getting up and crossing the street. I look down to where he was sitting. He left a ring. I pick it up and study it. It’s a silver thick band with a large ruby center. Probably worth a fortune. I could keep it and sell it. My rent might be caught up then. My conscience tells me not to. I decide to chase after him and hope I don’t miss my bus.

“Wait! Sir, you forgot something.” I yell, he turns down the alley and I begin to feel like I’m that stupid character in a horror movie. The audience screaming for me to run the other way. I finally reach the alley only he’s no where to be found. Instead, it’s almost as if I’ve stepped into an alternate universe. This is no regular alley, but a field. The temperature is no longer below freezing but it’s warm. The man is no where to be found but I’m not alone. There are circus performers all around me, from fire breathers to acrobats. There is only one question that remains: Where am I?



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This article has 5 comments.


on Mar. 14 2011 at 7:34 pm
JustAnotherOwl SILVER, Unknown, New York
6 articles 0 photos 379 comments

Favorite Quote:
"See, we don't really care who you are;
Everyone is capable of looking up and wishing on a star.
So catch it, so contagious, this day-dreamer's disease,
And hope can be your sword, slaying darkness with belief."

"Sanctuary"- Paradise Fears

I agree with this. Though I liked it...It was predictable. I would like to see this continued, or even a completely different piece of writing, because your writing is very good and enjoyable.

Megan.J.B said...
on Feb. 23 2011 at 9:56 pm
Megan.J.B, Sault Ste Marie, Other
0 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Here's the real truth. There are eight million people in this city. And those teeming masses exist for the sole purpose of lifting the few exceptional people onto their shoulders. You, me? We're exceptional."
- Green Goblin. :)

I would love to see this progress but from where this is now, there really isn't any story here and the twist at the end really isn't a twist just yet. For some reason, as odd as this sounds, I found this story predictable. Go figure. It was weird done in an over-done manner. I would like to you delve deeper into the man, the ring and the main character before exposing that "twist".

on Feb. 18 2011 at 3:21 pm
mudpuppy BRONZE, Orangeburg, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 475 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is like a box of cheese and flower petal sometimes it's soft and sweet, sometimes it just plain stinks. - M.J.

This has an odd ending (which for me is great, because I like odd). ;) It sort of reminds me of an espidode of the Twilight Zone. Is there more? I would like to see what happens to the main character next.

on Feb. 18 2011 at 10:53 am
Itami4Now SILVER, St. Louis, Missouri
9 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
Tomorrow will always be better than today, even if in just the smallest way.

I'm not exactly sure where you were going with this. The writing was good, and the set up was amazing, but the resolution was just strange. Were you aiming for it to be strange? If so, you did a great job.

charmiypiggy said...
on Feb. 18 2011 at 3:41 am
charmiypiggy, Melbourne, Other
0 articles 0 photos 116 comments

Favorite Quote:
You eat food for the enjoyment of it; the fact that it helps you stay alive is just a bonus.

I'm not quite sure what to make of this. Your writing is good, with the exceptions of a couple punctuation mistakes. You didn't stray from the tense you were using, which is what people often do. The storyline is a little slow, and the part about the ring seemed a little cliche for some reason. Maybe it's just me. The last part was interesting, because that's where the twist was. But probably because it wasn't quite so otherworldly (circus performers in an alley just seems a little too believable), I didn't enjoy it quite as much. It's probably my being bias. I love fantasy stories, and I suppose that compared to the ones I've already read, it's a little dull. But if you could add more to it, I would be interested in seeing how it progresses. Keep writing!


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