Magazine, website & books written by teens since 1989

Mission Near Impossible

Custom User Avatar
More by this author
What can I say? Maybe this was all a misunderstanding, but it wasn't. This all happened by accident, but it didn't. Everything happened for a reason.

My bright green highlights stood out in my flowing black hair. My clothes were stained and comfortable. I was hunched over a platter with dissecting utensils, trying to decipher which tool was used for what procedure. My lab partner was just staring at me, waiting for the right time to bolt to the bathroom; that way he wouldn't have to do any work. He was doing that kind of twitchy dance like I used to do when I was a little kid, but I only danced like that because I was young and needed the assistance. Garret was sixteen and very capable. "If you really have to go to the little boys room, Garret, I won't hold it against you," I finally said. He looked more relieved than anything; gave me a thankful look and went off. It was in his nature to leave his backpack in class and ditch, so naturally this didn’t occur to me until after I let him leave. I wasn't going to see him again.

Alright- so I took the blame for his absence. Don’t ask me why because I don’t know why. Mr. Gunnar docked my participation grade by ten points because I “forgot” to tell him that my partner went home sick. Luckily he didn’t find where I hid Garret’s backpack. I didn’t complain and I didn’t care. There was something odd about how Garret’s gray eyes could look into mine and seem so robotic. It was like he was an alien from Mars and didn’t know how to show emotion. I was curious as to how he was able to be the master of disguise. I was intrigued. I wanted to know what made his clock tick and why did it make his clock tick in that certain way?

That was my first mistake.

The day was over, or at least for the school it was, for me it was just beginning; but I didn’t know it yet. The clouds were shielding the sun from us, as if we were not worthy to be in its presence. These clouds were angry though, not little fluffy or puffy ones, they were thunder clouds. It was about to hail and I knew it. Was that a problem? Yes. I may have been sixteen, but I only had my permit, so no car for me. Even if I did have a car, hail was still a big problem. I did the only thing that I could do, which was sprint as fast as I could to my house; which also happened to be a mile and a half away. Great.

Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! I thought to myself as I made my way down the slippery and wet sidewalk. I was being buried by golf ball sized hail, and it did not feel good. I finally gave up on getting home and ran for shelter in the nearest 7-Eleven that I could find. Here in Johnson Town, 7-Elevens substituted for our grocery stores, so naturally I would be safe there right?

Wrong.

This 7-Eleven happened to be closed, so I was stuck huddled as close to the building as I could get so I wouldn’t be hit by anymore hail. If that weren’t enough of a problem, my cell phone had died, or should say it was killed, because when I brought it out to call my mom it got knocked out of my hand by the hail and shattered when it hit the pavement. I was shivering by then so I wouldn’t have been able to hold the cell phone anyway, or at least that was what I kept telling myself. I decided that I would have to wait the storm out, or freeze to death, whichever came first. I sat my backpack down and made a pillow out of it. I tried to keep warm by huddling into a ball and laying my head onto the backpack. Before I knew it, I fell asleep.

“Will it be alright?” “I don’t know it looked like an ice cube when I found it.” “Pity. I wanted a snack before sunrise.” “Nice Try! I found it! It’s mine!” “Oh yeah? Who had the idea to go out for an early snack? Huh? That would be me. And who decided we better take it just in case it thaws? Me, again! That makes it mine!” “You pig! You got the last one anyway! So its my turn to feast!” “How come you always pull rank on me? Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you are the boss!” “We can’t eat it anyways. We have a mission to complete. And you’re not going to mess this one up like the last one! I am tired for covering for you! It makes me look like the fool, when you are the one who is the fool!” “Oh shut up!” “No, you shut up!” “I told you first!” “I told you…“ “Shh! Shh! It’s waking!” “There you go again being bossy!” “I said shut up!” Whack! “Alright!”

I couldn’t open my eyes. They felt like they were sealed shut; and whenever I tried to move, I could feel my body moaning and groaning. Also, did I mention that I was so cold that it felt like there was an earthquake, but I was the only one shaking? I thought that I was going crazy. While I was lying down, I could have sworn that I heard voices. There was no one so foolish to go out into a winter storm just to get some groceries at a 7-Eleven, unless they wanted a new paint job for their car, and they needed a reason to get one. Though I couldn’t make out what they were saying, I could have sworn I heard the voices again right as I tried to sit up, but I crumbled back down to the pavement with an umph! Ok, stay calm, I thought. Stay calm. You are not going crazy. You are just imagining things. Imagining voices. Even in my own mind that sounded like I was going insane. I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to break the silence. “Who’s there?” I called. “See I told you to shut up!” “So I’m not going crazy,” I mumbled to myself. I then called, “I can’t see, can you help me? I seemed to have taken a spill because I can’t move my legs either.” “You idiot! Now it knows we’re here! You could have kept quiet like I told you to, but no you had to have the last word!” “No I didn’t!” “Now what do we do, Oh Bossy One?” “Shh quiet! Maybe it hasn’t seen us yet!” “What do you mean it hasn’t seen us yet? It heard us! Besides, you are the one who sealed its eyes shut with the serum!” “Oh yeah… But still if we keep quiet, maybe it will forget about us.” “You always underestimate humans and it inevitably gets us into trouble!” “That’s not fair.” “Missions aren’t meant to be fair, now be quiet!” “Um, whoever is there, you know I can still hear you right?” I asked. Silence met my question, and with that silence came the realization that I was in trouble- big trouble.

Suddenly, there was huge explosion of broken glass raining down from above, and mixed in was the golf ball sized hail. That was when I realized that the ground was dry and warm. Where was I? There were footsteps, now, followed by shouting. “Blast! How did they find us?” “You idiot, they probably tracked the earthling that you stole!” “I stole? It was your idea to go out for an early snack, and it was also your idea to bring it along with us!” “Never mind that! Just grab it and scatter!” “Stop them! Don’t let them take the girl!” Shouted a guy’s voice.

Garret?

“A girl!” “So that’s what it is!” Said my captors with realization.



Join the Discussion


This article has 24 comments. Post your own!

Alon_Freevoice said...
Jun. 17, 2011 at 3:16 am:
i think it's interesting.. but i couldnt understand some parts like the paragraphs with many quotation marks... 
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Bliss_of_Darkness said...
Jun. 8, 2011 at 9:01 pm:

Wow. I love this story so far. It is very well done. The only problem I have is the same that AddictedToWriting has. Start a new paragraph every time a new character comes in or when the other character repiles to the speaker. It cuts down on the confusion the reader has. ^^

Overall, you did an amazing job and I hope to see more of your work soon. ^^

 
alex_gold replied...
Jun. 14, 2011 at 10:05 pm :
Thanks for all of your comments everyone! I just wanted to tell you that I have posted a new version of this exact story! Hopefully you guys like it better than this one. It is a little less confusing. :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
AddictedToWriting said...
Jun. 7, 2011 at 4:08 pm:

Nice.  I hope you decide to continue this and make it into a novel or something.

Just one thing; when there's two or more people talking, you have to begin a new paragraph each time a new person talks, otherwise it's entirely too confusing.

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
CarrieAnn13 said...
Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:09 pm:
That was amazing!  I love the dialogue between the aliens, it was hilarious.  I really enjoyed your short story.  Good job!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
NavishJ. said...
Jun. 4, 2011 at 6:36 pm:

This was really interesting to read. LOL, I couldn't have imagined that "they" were aliens! :) Nice twist. At first, I was confused as to why "they" were calling the girl, "it." But, then, it makes sense.

However, I think you could make the dialogue more clearer. Try indenting, instead of muddling up the dialogue in one hunk of a paragraph.

Also, this story needs more to it. Like the others said, you should have added more events. Everything went by in an oddly fast manner. Basi... (more »)

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Garnet77 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 4, 2011 at 6:50 am:
I love the way you did the dialogue, and the voice in the story was really intriguing. You did a good job with this. :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
WritingSpasms said...
Jun. 3, 2011 at 10:17 pm:
I'm into a lot of sci-fi, alieny, out-of-this-world, stuff, and reading this made me squeal with joy in a weird nerdy way. xD I actually love the dialogue, compared to others around here. It was very well written.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
TatielThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 17, 2011 at 9:45 pm:
Wowww, I like this a lot! Very very intriguing. I actually like how the dialogue between the...aliens =P was just back-and-forth bickering without anything really diferentiating between different speakers. It makes it seem more confusing and reeling, like the girl would be hearing it from her sightless position. Very nice!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Hazel-daisy This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 6, 2011 at 3:21 pm:
i really like it, i really like the style its writtin in and it really drew my attention, tis is kind of how i write short stories, i mean how the charactor narrates and tings like that. i like where the story is going aswel!!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Elizabeth_DayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 6, 2011 at 12:54 am:
Good job, Alex_Gold!  I really like your main character.  She seems like a pretty cool girl - what with her green highlights and all - and I like the voice you've given her.  I was a bit confused about why her lab partner never came back after he left to use the bathroom and why her teacher would blame her for Garret's absence.  Also, I know others have mentioned this, but your alien creatures' dialouge should have more than just back-and-forth bantering. ... (more »)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
tallgirl1222 said...
Feb. 5, 2011 at 10:53 pm:
First of all, good job.  Nice writing style.  However, like others are commenting, I think your characters and story could be little bit more developed, and you need to start a new paragraph when you're introducing a speaker.  The paragraph in which the main character's captors are arguing gets a little long in some places.  Maybe develop the captor's characters a little more, or add more detail in the dialogue, or just cut a few lines?  Hope this helps.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Timekeeper This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 5, 2011 at 11:49 am:
I agree with the other users, your writing needs to be clearer, and you definitely need new paragraphs everytime you introduce a new speaker.
 
alex_gold replied...
Feb. 5, 2011 at 9:03 pm :
I am waiting for approval, but I have submitted a revised copy. The characters are a lot easier to understand. Now I submitted this before a lot of you gave me certain advice, so be aware of that  please! Thanks a bunch everyone!!! :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
charmiypiggy said...
Feb. 5, 2011 at 5:52 am:
I'm afraid I have to agree with AshTree. Though the idea you have for the story is somewhat intriguing, your writing was underdeveloped. I would have edited your story and reposted it, but it seems that AshTree has beat me to it. I would recommend that you take AshTree's advice on your article.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
AshTree said...
Feb. 4, 2011 at 6:58 pm:
URG. the TeenInk.comment is messing up. Ignore the underlines.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
AshTree said...
Feb. 4, 2011 at 6:56 pm:

Alright, so I liked the idea of this story. I just don't think it was developed enough. The paragraphing was off. Sentences were choppy, repetition scattered it, dialouge could be cleaned up quite a bit to seem more realistic, some things just seemed awkward the way you worded it, description was skimpy, comma usage, punctuation in generall (especially around dialouge) and... her thoughts should be italics with a comma then she thought.

 

I think this could be a l... (more »)

 
AshTree replied...
Feb. 4, 2011 at 6:56 pm :

And of course with my luck, This 7-Eleven happened to be closed. I was stuck. Huddled as close to the building as I could get, I wanted to scream. If that weren’t enough of a problem, my cell phone had died, or should say it was killed, because when I brought it out to call my mom it got knocked out of my hand by the hail and shattered when it hit the pavement. I was shivering by then so I wouldn’t have been able to hold the cell phone anyway, or at least that was... (more »)

 
AshTree replied...
Feb. 4, 2011 at 6:57 pm :

“Ok, stay calm.” My breathing became more regulated. “Stay calm. You are not going crazy. You are just imagining things.” I laughed inside. “Imagining voices.” That sounded like I was going insane. “Who’s there?”

“See I told you to shut up!”

 “So I’m not going crazy,” I mumbled to myself. “I can’t see, can you help me? I seemed to have taken a spill because I can&rs... (more »)

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
AgnotTheOdd said...
Feb. 4, 2011 at 5:28 pm:
Contrary to the other comments, your "hook" didnt quite grab me.  However, the second half of this article was really good and engaging with the dialogue.  The first half felt like you were rushing through all the "rising action" so that you could get to the climax with the alienish things.  The second time was better in its slower pace and more wonder and all that job.  This was very well written
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Site Feedback