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What My Best Friend Eats

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I have been best friends with Lizzie Stanfield since we were in grade 2. She was the new girl who came in right in the middle of the 1st semester. I was the first person to greet her and also her first friend. From since then, we’ve been stuck together like rubber cement. But being best friends, there was one thing I’ve never done. I’ve never been to Lizzie’s house. For over eight years, I should have been or at least seen her house, but I haven’t…I’m ashamed to be even be called her best friend…but whenever I mentioned ever coming over to her house, she just shot me down while always providing an excuse and not believable excuses at that. I could tell she didn’t want me coming over for some reason but she never forked out the details…But this time, I was determined to get her to say yes. No matter what, I was going to go to her house.

Eventually, after countless efforts of begging on my knees, pleading with fake tears in my eyes, whining like a baby while clinging onto her leg, and throwing tantrums like a toddler who didn’t get what he/she wanted, I was able to get Lizzie to invite me to her house for today, after school, much to her dismay.

So, instead of getting off my bus stop, I got off at Lizzie’s which was right after mine. We walked about a good two minutes and stopped right in front of a not-so white two-story house with a red rooftop that needed repainting and a lawn that needed a good trimming. All in all, the house was kind of plain…Nothing special at that except it was a little rundown. Even the inside of the house was normal looking but it had expensive-looking furniture. Even with all that, I couldn’t find a fridge anywhere in this house. I wonder where they kept their food…

Speaking of food, after doing so many activities, it was already dinner time.
I sat at the mahogany table while waiting for Lizzie to bring out the food. I watch as she went searching in almost every kitchen cabinet which none of them contained food at all but cobwebs and empty jars. I was starting to get worried for some reason…

“Oh! Here it is,” Lizzie announced as she whipped out what looked like a Tic-Tac box filled with colorful pills. “One of these is sufficient enough.”

I couldn’t believe it…I was going to eat a single freaking Tic-Tac for dinner.

“Are you serious?” I asked, thinking this was a joke.

“Of course,” she answered with no hint of lying. “Why would you think—ah, no, Lucia, this isn’t candy.”

“Then what the heck is it?” I asked while staring at the suspicious Tic-Tac imposter…

“They’re prepared meals put into capsules which were shrunk in order to fit. All you have to do is add water,” she stated. It sounds like something astronauts would use.

“Oh, now I see why you don’t have a refrigerator…” I mentioned.

“Well, my dad uses the fridge for his experiments. Remember? My dad’s a food scientist,” she said, flipping the lid of the box. “Okay now, which color do you want?”

Five minutes later, I sat frozen in my seat. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing…On my plate had this upside down ant the size of a regular chicken…Correction. A freaking rainbow ant the size of a chicken and Lizzie says this is a VEGETABLE!?

“What on earth do you call this thing…?” I questioned, thinking this was some bad dream or something…Lizzie stopped eating and looked up from her plate. At least she seems to be enjoying her ant…

“A pea,” she solemnly replied as my mouth gaped. Regular, normal, average peas were not even close to the size of a marble. This “pea” was bigger than a watermelon!

“A…pea…? You call this freaking huge thing a pea!? Just how big are your ants!?” I screamed, accusingly pointing at my so called “pea”.

“You mean vegetable,” Lizzie corrected me.

“Whatever!” I yelled, irritated.

“Well, that depends on the vegetable,” Lizzie told me as she cut off the “pea’s” yellow leg and put it in her mouth. I could hear her crushing it with her teeth. Just hearing it, gives me goose bumps. Thank goodness though my ant didn’t show a signs of life or I would have puked that Lizzie was eating an actual life-breathing insect…

“Vegetables vary as the regular vegetables you see in grocery stores. It all depends on how they’re grown and raised but there’s a difference on how it’s cultivated. The vegetable we’re eating now is grown and raised like livestock than just planted into the ground like how regular vegetables are grown and raised,” she stated. I just stared at Lizzie with an expression that said “Are you for real!?”

“You should start eating yours too. Its parts taste awful if you don’t touch if for a number of minutes,” she warned me as she cut off another yellow leg and placed it in her mouth. How is this considered food? Better yet, how this is even considered legal!?

“What does the leg taste like?” I asked curiously as I experimentally poked my vegetable’s leg with my fork. I saw Lizzie pause and tap her chin which signaled she was thinking.

“Milk,” she replied. And again, my mouth gaped…

“You’re kidding me?” I muttered to myself but Lizzie heard it and shook her head. I sighed as I cut off one of the six legs. I eyed it fearfully, scared to even put this thing in my mouth, but I shakily put the tip of it inside and bit it off. Few nanoseconds later of tasting it, I had a taste. My eyes went wide as I dropped my fork onto the table and froze…But I wasn’t in shock nor was I in the moment of puking from disgust, but I was amazed and surprised by what I just tasted.

“Oh wow~! It does taste like milk!” I announced in awe.

“See? I told you,” Lizzie said as she was already half way done with her ant—I mean “pea”…

“What do the other parts tastes like?” I asked without the fear of eating my pea anymore.

“Why don’t you find out yourself?” Lizzie said cutting the head of her ant. I did just that. I soon found out that the red parts taste like apples, orange parts tasting like fries, green parts tasting like pork chop, blue parts tasting like bread, and purple parts tasting like potato salad…

“This is absurd…” I said, after tasting all the parts. I wasn’t able to finish my meal because I was full. You can’t blame me though…That thing was the size of a chicken.

“But you enjoyed it, right?” Lizzie asked, seeing as she finished her meal. Strange as it was, I did like the meal even if it looked very unearthly…

“Yeah,” I responded with a smile as she smiled back.

“Good, next time, you better prepare yourself for the next dish,” she started as she picked up our plates. “The desserts are insanely weird looking than what we just had.”

“How can something get weirder than this?” I mused as I relaxed into my chair. I felt I was ready for anything now.

“Oh, you’ll see what I mean,” Lizzie said with a smirk. I didn’t care. We’ll see once I give it a try.

Five minutes later, I had a call back. I felt like it was déjà vu. I found myself frozen and fearfully staring and yet another odd looking dish. This one really takes the cake…literally. The dessert was like a mutant. A mutant that resembles somewhat like a pig with a black colored baboon butt, green polka-dot rabbit ears, long whiskers, fish gills, and an orange cow’s tail, all in the size of a giant rat.

“I’ve spoken to soon…” I muttered to myself as Lizzie was practically drooling in front of her portion. The ant was one thing but this “thing” was just unbelievable! I thought I knew everything I could have about my best friend but I guess I was wrong…

“Hey, Lucia, I recommend you try the butt first. It’s the most delicious part of the whole dessert,” Lizzie said excitedly as she sharpened her utensils. Oh man, this was going to be a long dinner…





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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

Jsullivan said...
Feb. 7, 2011 at 7:33 am
WOW! I thought this was going to be about different cultures and what not, but it sure wasn't. I liked it though, especially how you described the dessert.
 
AoiJ671 replied...
Feb. 7, 2011 at 11:21 pm
Haha, thanks so much for commenting one of my works. Actually, you're one of the first people to do so which makes me quite joyful. The story may have come off that way to you but as the story tells, never assume anything. ^^
 
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