Desertion, Existence, Beginnings, and Redemption

January 18, 2011

I run through the depraved darkness that the b****** night cast upon the world. I try to escape the treason… the lies that I told in the disheartened truth I so naively conceived as they whispered their lies into my head. ‘My soul for my love, my love for my death.’ If I had known I would have traded my soul that so shallowly guilt’s me, destroying me ever so slowly.

I plunge through the unforgiving dark trying to escape the hateful betrayals that surround me. Wishing for sweet redemption but the world just laughs at my ignorance as the unruly wind growls and pushes me back towards the out reaching arms of the carnivorous underworld. I fall onto my hands and knees, my chest heaves in glorious pain as my body aches for air. I soundlessly listen to the surrounding shadows that treacherously spy onto my vulnerable body.

I rapidly stumble to my feet, letting the thought cross my mind… that they have given up on my life. I pray in ignorant bliss that they have left me to die on my own. I wait in the cold dark, and finally it comes.

I feel the unyielding hand wrap around my throat pulling me back. Streams of warm tears start to run down my face as I weep in silence. I feel hot breath flowing out and colliding onto the side of my face. I look out into the darkness and pray for it to be over soon, hopefully I’ll die before they kill me. He leans down and whispers into my ear.

“I could have been so different.” I can hear the sadness in his sorrow filled voice. “But you betrayed us!” He snarls and digs his claws into me. “You betrayed me.” He loosens his grip, I feel blood trickling down from the wound he has inflicted. “I can’t help you now” he sighs in desperation, “they want blood.” I can feel everything starting to sink in, him, all things I have done…the ravenous beast behind us. I can hear them snarling.

I close my eyes and whisper, “I’m sorry.” I can feel him hesitate as he leans in and kisses me on the cheek. He rates his claws across my throat. Giving me one last gift so that I may die before they can torture my body and soul. He throws me towards them. I lay on the ground, hoping I’ll die soon but I can’t help but struggle for air. I turn my head towards him, I can’t see him but I can’t feel him slowly walk away... is this what desertion is? Is this what it feels like? How could I have inflicted this pain that it brings? They start to surround me in rage they know it’s to late and that I’m good as dead. I close my eyes and breathe my last words. “I love you.”


I wake to the beating of my own heart. I look to the right of me and make out the brick walls surrounding me. The wall bleeds out the blood of this place, it leaks out onto the dirt and blood covered ground. I turn my head to the left and see a glass of water my mouth becomes so dry. I try to reach towards it only to realize my hands are chained down to the table I lay on. What kind of loathsome place is this? I throw my head back into the table frustrated, but cry out in pain from the impact it has created. I close my eyes, I start to remember what has happened. I should be dead right now lying out on the cold ground, how the hell did I get to this appalling place. How could I have survived what has happened, why can’t I just die and float down into my own abhorrent abyss. I open my eyes and look back over at the water that sits there and so happily taunts me. I curse at it and look the other way. I hear the door creak open and footsteps fall upon the ground coming closer towards me. I try to lift my head but it aches too much to do so. My body starts to shake in fear as I catch site of a man picking up a knife.

“You know I’m truly surprised that you're still alive.” He says in utter confidence.

“Where am I?” I mange to choke out as my voice deceives me and shakes uncontrollably.

“Does that matter?” he answers me calmly, “You’re alive aren’t you?”

“I don’t wish to be.” He turns towards me and lifts the knife and slides it slowly across my cheek. I grit me teeth as the blood flows smoothly. The man smiles and pauses with the blade still upon my face, and leans in.

“I can make that wish come true if you want.” I glare up at him. He pulls the blade away from me and turns around to the table beside me and picks up a cloth and wipes the blade clean of my blood. I can tell that knife has taken more than one life before. I’m so thirsty that all I can think of is that glass of water. He looks over at me then at the water. “Are you thirsty?” he asks, I turn my head away from him. “Here.” He grabs the water and helps me lift my head. My throat screams out in pain as the water slowly flows down my throat. I can’t help but cough it back up. He lays my head back down onto the table. “You shouldn’t have tried to drink it that fast with your wounds.” I had forgotten about the slashes across my neck.

“Your not one of them are you?” He stops and looks down at me.

“You mean one of those things that were surrounding you last night? No I am not one of them.”

“Then who are you? And how did I manage to live?”

“My name does not matter, what does is that I’m a friend. And as for you surviving what happened last night, well when I came across you, you were surrounded by those things. I have had a past with them myself, with things like that you always have to make the first move and then… well then you just pray you live.” He smiles at me, “I managed to get you away from them and well now we are here.”

“How did I survive with these slashes across my throat?”

“They weren’t that deep but you did bleed out quite a lot, and luckily your wind wipe was unharmed.”

“How can I allow my existence to live in fear or in these damned chains?! I should have bled to death.” I scream at him.

“Yes you should have.”

“Then why didn’t I?”

“Those things where trying to keep you alive, that’s the only thing I can think of.”

“I bet they were.”

“Tell me how did you get mixed up with such terrible creatures?” I close my eyes and sigh.

“I was in love…”


“We met by a river near where I lived. He was hurt there was blood pint after pint flowing from his side. The grass beneath him was dark red. He was holding a piece of ragged clothing to his side. I thought he was human, I walked slowly towards him. When I got close he realized I was there, he looked up into my eyes a vengeance that burned with in him shown so much anger and hatred. I could tell then he wasn’t human, as he snarled and screamed at me to leave. I almost did… I almost wish I had, but in that anger and hatred I could see so much pain. I couldn’t leave him there to die by himself even if he may have deserved it… no one deserves to die like that. I told him he needed help that I could help him. He just kept yelling at me to get away from him. Growling and snarling like a trapped animal. I sat and watched him, he would not let me get close he looked in so much pain but he just sat leaning against a tree glaring at me no more strength to yell. He became so weak, that he was coming back and forth between the border of consciousness and unconscious. I could tell he was helpless. I made my way towards him. He looked as though he was trying to make an attempt to crawl away from me, finally he just dropped to the ground exhausted. I kneeled down beside him and told him ‘I’m not going to hurt you and hopefully you won’t hurt me.’ I rolled him over so he wasn’t leaning on his wound anymore. My hands were shaking as I removed the cloth from around his side. When it was off the blood gushed out for a second. I went to the river and dipped the cloth down into the fast flowing current until it was soaking. I squeezed the water out onto his side, I paused as his skin flinched under the cold waters sting. I wiped the blood from his side. I took the shawl from around my shoulders and tied it tightly around his waist trying to stop the cut from bleeding. That was all I could do I couldn’t take him to a doctor, they would have just killed him. When he finally woke up he was furious to see me there but he couldn’t do anything about it. He could barely move. I brought him bandages and food and water. I guess he started to trust me. When he got better he left but, he had somehow found me again. It was a new beginning for both of us. We would sit and talk. I guess he was sneaking away to come see me. When the others like him found out they were furious and wanted me dead. I was a fool I didn’t want him to leave forever, he said he was a fool for coming here, he told me not to but I didn’t listen, we made a sort of truce my soul for my love, but I broke it, and it became my love for my death. To tell you the truth I guess new beginnings are only really a way to a new end. ”


I wake to the screaming of the damned. They must have found me, I pull at the chains that bind me to the horrid fate that rushes towards me unseen. My death to come runs through my mind, as I see the door flung open in front of me. In runs the man that has saved me before. He slams the door shut and throws down the lock. His face is filled with dread as he rushes towards me and starts to free me from my confinement. I jump off the table as the door bursts open, they turn and watch me as I back away. I grab the blade from the table, I think to myself as they start to close in on us, how can I find redemption if I’m dead. I feel my back hit the cold wall and there is no where else for me to run, I close my eyes.

“What are you doing?!” The man whispers to me. I open my eyes and look at him.

“I’m praying.” I smile and rush towards them…

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