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Crows: Chapter One

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Where am I? I look around frantically, but all I can see is pure white. I feel as though I’m lost in the middle of a blank sheet of paper awaiting a creator to give it life. I continue to search, hoping to find some form of life. There! I see a flock of crows. They’re just standing there, frozen in time. Some have their beaks open in the midst of squawking but it is impossible for it to be heard. Others are scratching their wing. All are a stationary, in a state of paralysis. I attempt freeing them of this freeze by flailing my arms but they won’t move either. I open my mouth to shout but I can’t make a noise. I try to move my legs but they won’t budge. I too am frozen in time. I listen for anything audible, straining my ears. There is a constant, soft rumbling type of noise. It sounds as though my head is immersed in water.

Total whiteness. Absolute nothingness. Out of nowhere, hundreds of clocks spawn up and swarm around me. Not one is the same as another. They begin orbiting around me, slowly at first. All of them have the same time. 15 seconds to midnight…five, the clocks gain speed…four…three, the clocks speed up again…two, faster…one, just a blur…DONG!

The clocks shatter like glass and I see the crows fly away. I can just barely make out a white crow leading the flock. I didn’t even see it before because it is just as white as this dimension I’m in. I try to move with no success. Then I notice a grandfather clock floating a few feet away from me. The hour hand and minute hands are still, but the second hand continues to move. I don’t think anything of it until a minute passes and the two hands didn’t move. I think the clock is broken but realize the second hand would’ve stopped as well. Despite my knowing it’s impossible, I accept this as a thirteenth hour.

I sense something behind me. It’s like when you’re in a haunted house and you think somebody or something is following you. I try to turn but again I am bound by the chains of time. Whatever is behind me is walking closer. I can feel my back grow colder as it nears me. Something black flashes past me. It’s just a blur. Now it stands before me. It’s a silhouette. I can’t tell who it is. He has a human form, that’s good…but who is he?

“I’m afraid you’ll never find out, actually, no, I fear nothing. If you ever discover my identity, you won’t be able to cope with the despair. My apologies, Abel Crowe, but I will kill you,” he says with false sorrow. His voice is frightening and it echoes in my mind. What does he mean?

“Abel, wake up! Wake up, Abel!”



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This article has 10 comments. Post your own!

mystyksuniverseThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 21, 2012 at 2:43 am:
I like it and it shows great promise but it is no where near ready for publishing; after all, isn't that why it was posted here. You made a mistake I've been making a lot - you attempt to sound sophisticated with fancy sentence structure, yet really your writing is riddled with weak verbs and grammar mistakes. A few here and there for creative purposes is fine, however too many bogs down the flow of the idea and causes the reader to have to reread over and over. I enjoy that you mix... (more »)
 
milforce replied...
Sept. 21, 2012 at 9:45 pm :
Thanks a bunch
 
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LaceeJade This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 2, 2011 at 8:29 pm:

Very good, it has me interested.

I hope you add more to it!

 
milforce replied...
Nov. 2, 2011 at 9:31 pm :
Thank you and I will add more when I get the time!
 
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RyanTyler said...
Oct. 27, 2011 at 9:56 am:
I like it. It has a really good begining. You plan on finishing it right. :)
 
milforce replied...
Oct. 27, 2011 at 6:12 pm :
Thanks, I appreciate it. And yes, I will post more soon. I just need to finish editing it.
 
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JillianNoraThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 27, 2011 at 7:43 am:
Ooh, I like it! I have really strange dreams all the time so this was very easy for me to picture. I like the crow idea, very unusual. Good job:)
 
milforce replied...
Oct. 27, 2011 at 6:11 pm :
Thank you so much. I'll be sure to submit more of this soon!
 
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silver47 said...
Oct. 26, 2011 at 9:12 pm:
"I feel as if im lost in the middle of a blank sheet of paper awaiting a creator to give it life"<--------love this phrase, the story is great so far:) i found like one mistake but other than that great! I love the descrptions -ANG
 
milforce replied...
Oct. 26, 2011 at 9:38 pm :
Thanks a lot, I really appreciate the feedback. For some reason, all I've gotten on this piece are 1 star ratings (besides this latest rating)...I don't think it deserves that, but there's nothing I can do about it.
 
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