Crows: Chapter One

January 17, 2011
By milforce SILVER, Bloomington, Illinois
milforce SILVER, Bloomington, Illinois
9 articles 0 photos 135 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Those who have the ability to act, have the responsibility to act."


Where am I? I look around frantically, but all I can see is pure white. I feel as though I’m lost in the middle of a blank sheet of paper awaiting a creator to give it life. I continue to search, hoping to find some form of life. There! I see a flock of crows. They’re just standing there, frozen in time. Some have their beaks open in the midst of squawking but it is impossible for it to be heard. Others are scratching their wing. All are a stationary, in a state of paralysis. I attempt freeing them of this freeze by flailing my arms but they won’t move either. I open my mouth to shout but I can’t make a noise. I try to move my legs but they won’t budge. I too am frozen in time. I listen for anything audible, straining my ears. There is a constant, soft rumbling type of noise. It sounds as though my head is immersed in water.

Total whiteness. Absolute nothingness. Out of nowhere, hundreds of clocks spawn up and swarm around me. Not one is the same as another. They begin orbiting around me, slowly at first. All of them have the same time. 15 seconds to midnight…five, the clocks gain speed…four…three, the clocks speed up again…two, faster…one, just a blur…DONG!

The clocks shatter like glass and I see the crows fly away. I can just barely make out a white crow leading the flock. I didn’t even see it before because it is just as white as this dimension I’m in. I try to move with no success. Then I notice a grandfather clock floating a few feet away from me. The hour hand and minute hands are still, but the second hand continues to move. I don’t think anything of it until a minute passes and the two hands didn’t move. I think the clock is broken but realize the second hand would’ve stopped as well. Despite my knowing it’s impossible, I accept this as a thirteenth hour.

I sense something behind me. It’s like when you’re in a haunted house and you think somebody or something is following you. I try to turn but again I am bound by the chains of time. Whatever is behind me is walking closer. I can feel my back grow colder as it nears me. Something black flashes past me. It’s just a blur. Now it stands before me. It’s a silhouette. I can’t tell who it is. He has a human form, that’s good…but who is he?

“I’m afraid you’ll never find out, actually, no, I fear nothing. If you ever discover my identity, you won’t be able to cope with the despair. My apologies, Abel Crowe, but I will kill you,” he says with false sorrow. His voice is frightening and it echoes in my mind. What does he mean?

“Abel, wake up! Wake up, Abel!”


The author's comments:
I've been writing this story for tow years and I still haven't finished it. I've gone and revised the early chapters and now I'm publishing them.

Similar Articles

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 10 comments.


on Sep. 21 2012 at 9:45 pm
milforce SILVER, Bloomington, Illinois
9 articles 0 photos 135 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Those who have the ability to act, have the responsibility to act."

Thanks a bunch

on Sep. 21 2012 at 2:43 am
mystyksuniverse GOLD, Tuolumne, California
10 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
When I, the People, learn to remember, when I, the People, use the lessons of yesterday and no longer forget who robbed me last year, who played me for a fool--then there will be no speaker in all the world say the name: "The People," with any fleck of a sneer in his voice or any far-off smile of derision. The mob--the crowd--the mass--will arrive then. – Carl Sandburg

I like it and it shows great promise but it is no where near ready for publishing; after all, isn't that why it was posted here. You made a mistake I've been making a lot - you attempt to sound sophisticated with fancy sentence structure, yet really your writing is riddled with weak verbs and grammar mistakes. A few here and there for creative purposes is fine, however too many bogs down the flow of the idea and causes the reader to have to reread over and over. I enjoy that you mix the character's actual thoughts into the story, however itallicizing the font is the way to go with that in order to distinguish between thoughts and narration. "Total whiteness. Absolute nothingness." This particular line urkes me. I don't know if you meant it to be intentional or if it happened on accident, but this is either an oxymoron (white cannot be nothing because it is indeed something) or redundant (if you meant for white to be nothing you stated it twice). This is bothersome and I suggest avoiding such happenings in the future. To elaborate on a previously mentioned topic, if you are going for a more official, serious tone in your story, contractions are unacceptable. Your secondary character seems rather serious, so his dialogue should match his character; just be aware that words tell a lot about a person and what they say can tell the reader everything.

on Nov. 2 2011 at 9:31 pm
milforce SILVER, Bloomington, Illinois
9 articles 0 photos 135 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Those who have the ability to act, have the responsibility to act."

Thank you and I will add more when I get the time!

LaceeJade GOLD said...
on Nov. 2 2011 at 8:29 pm
LaceeJade GOLD, Bucyrus, Ohio
17 articles 4 photos 136 comments

Favorite Quote:
♥ I've made mistakes in my life. i've let people take advantage of me, and i accepted way less than i deserve. But, i've learned from my bad choices, and even though there are some things i can never get back and people who will never be sorry. i'll know better next time and i wont settle for anything less than i deserve. ♥

Very good, it has me interested.

I hope you add more to it!


on Oct. 27 2011 at 6:12 pm
milforce SILVER, Bloomington, Illinois
9 articles 0 photos 135 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Those who have the ability to act, have the responsibility to act."

Thanks, I appreciate it. And yes, I will post more soon. I just need to finish editing it.

on Oct. 27 2011 at 6:11 pm
milforce SILVER, Bloomington, Illinois
9 articles 0 photos 135 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Those who have the ability to act, have the responsibility to act."

Thank you so much. I'll be sure to submit more of this soon!

on Oct. 27 2011 at 9:56 am
RyanTyler PLATINUM, Windsor, Connecticut
21 articles 0 photos 94 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A myth is a religion in which no one no longer believes." James Feibleman

I like it. It has a really good begining. You plan on finishing it right. :)

on Oct. 27 2011 at 7:43 am
JillianNora SILVER, Forest Park, Illinois
8 articles 2 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." -1 Timothy 4:12

Ooh, I like it! I have really strange dreams all the time so this was very easy for me to picture. I like the crow idea, very unusual. Good job:)

on Oct. 26 2011 at 9:38 pm
milforce SILVER, Bloomington, Illinois
9 articles 0 photos 135 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Those who have the ability to act, have the responsibility to act."

Thanks a lot, I really appreciate the feedback. For some reason, all I've gotten on this piece are 1 star ratings (besides this latest rating)...I don't think it deserves that, but there's nothing I can do about it.

on Oct. 26 2011 at 9:12 pm
BeautysBeast GOLD, Okinawa, Other
11 articles 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
BETTER TO BE YOURSELF AND BE NOBODY THAN BE SOMEONE ELSE AND SOMEBODY ;)

"I feel as if im lost in the middle of a blank sheet of paper awaiting a creator to give it life"<--------love this phrase, the story is great so far:) i found like one mistake but other than that great! I love the descrptions -ANG


SciArc

MacMillan Books

Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Course!