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Zeus the Lover of Malclai

He was god of all the land. He was the god of the mortals and immortals. He was the god of gods; god of all. And his name was Zeus. Zeus lived high up in the clouds among the immortals. He was king over them. He was the most powerful ruler. He got whatever he wanted when he wanted it. It was his thrown; his power. Zeus often grew tired of the immortal paradise and enjoyed disguising himself as a mortal and walking among them. He loved using his powers on them. It was hilarious to him and it amused himself for quite a long time. One day as Zeus was out mingling with the Light Fairies a beautiful young mortal caught his eye. Her name was Malclaia. He loved the way her soft, golden hair flowed in the wind and how her crystal blue eyes put him into a luminous trance. She was perfect. There were no flaws about her. Her smile made his day. And her cute button nose made him smile. She fascinated him. He grew obsessed of her. He had to have her as his wife. For days he followed her around wherever she went so that he could find out what she liked. He followed her to the beauty store; where she loved to try on the newest, fresh aromas and fragrances of perfume. He followed her to the pet store; where she enjoyed caring for the baby dragons, puppies and kittens. And he followed her to the laboratory; where she spent hours gazing through there big telescope; up above into the night sky. Zeus knew that Malclaia was in love with someone else. For her to fall in love with him, he would have to impress her. So one day while she was in the flower pastures picking flowers Zeus arose from the tall bundles behind her. He had startled her. “Don’t be alarmed”, he calmly said to her. “My dear Malclaia you have stolen my heart so I wish to impress you.” Then Zeus used his powers to make all the flowers of the world smell. Each and everyone had a different, sweet succulent aroma to them, so that she would always have a new fragrance to smell. She was impressed by this and excited to be able to sniff these new delightful smells, but she did not love him. So she turned her back on him and left. He was heart broken but still determined to win her over. Zeus was sadly walking past the flower shop that now smelt pleasant and fruity when he saw Malclaia. She looked prettier than ever in her long, slender, blue dress draped with yellow daisies. She was sitting in the Ramani Park petting her new puppy, Ezcla. She was speaking to it and it was listening to every heart felt word she was saying. If only in her wildest dreams would Ezcla be able to respond to her. “Perhaps giving animals speech would impress her enough”, thought Zeus. He began to approach her, but as she saw him do so, she quickly got up and began to run from him. She was not fast enough. He caught up to her and grabbed her arm. She struggled to release his clutch. “ Please don’t run”, he begged. “I love you and desire to grant your wish.” She knew he was too strong for her so she gave up and let him grant her wish. All of the sudden Ezclas bark disappeared and was replaced with a voice. And so were the barks of all the animals of the world. Malclaia was again impressed. She couldn’t believe that she could finally talk to animals. She couldn’t wait to speak to all the animals of the world, so she took Ezcla and ran off to the pet store. She had forgotten all about Zeus. Zeus was now alone and angrier then ever. What more could he do to impress her? It had been days since Zeus had seen his dear Malclaia. He was among the alleys, taking a shortcut to the sky clouds; when he heard a scream. “HELP!” The voice called out. It was malclaia. She was in trouble. The fearless Zeus sprang into action wounding the death dragon that was harming his love. Zeus was angry at the thought that something was trying to hurt Malclaia so he created death and killed the death dragon. He named death after the death dragon. He looked for Malclaia and found her on her knees crying and covered in blood. He swept her off her feet and carried her back to her cottage where he whipped up a healing potion for her, made of cloud dust, lightning bolts and snake venom. Now she was really impressed and began to fall in love with her hero. He took her up among the clouds to his palace and married her. Malclaia came to be the favorite out of his 21 wives. They lived happily together in his paradise. Then one day while Zeus was among the mortals, Malclaia met Adonis, the handsome god of desire and manly looks. She fell in love and began to have an affair with him. When Zeus found out what his Malclaia had done he took the sun and had it burn Malclaias’ skin until it was bright red and pealing. He called this pain, Sunburn. But even after he had done that to her she went back to cheating on him. She couldn’t resist Adonis. So to punish her for cheating again, he took away animals speech, except for parrots which he charmed to copy whatever it hears. He cursed Malclaia with it and made it so that the bird had to follow her wherever she went. Even as harsh as that was malclaia could not break free of Adonis’ charm. So again she cheated. And this time Zeus killed her. If he could not have her then no one could.



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This article has 31 comments. Post your own now!

Ashluv said...
Jan. 16, 2011 at 1:30 pm
This story is really creative! I love greek mythology and the idea behind an obsessive love!...and thanks sooo much for  commenting on my work! :)
 
Mgymnast This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 22, 2011 at 1:11 am
your welcome :)
 
whispersofthenight said...
Jan. 8, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Greek mythology with a twist. I like the idea, I love Greek mythology.

I think it would be better if it was formatted into paragraphs, as some other people were saying. Also, the part with the death dragon kind of confused me. I guess I just missed something. Grammar/spelling errors too, but that's fixed pretty easily.

And call me weird, but I kinda like the fact that it didn't end with a happy ending. I guess I like bittersweet endings.

I guess it still needs some cleani... (more »)

 
Mgymnast This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 22, 2011 at 1:12 am
Thanks so much this will really help me to know where i need to improve on so i can clean up this piece!! :)
 
AshTree said...
Jan. 7, 2011 at 1:00 pm

I like the idea of this story because I like Greek mythology (my favorite god being Athena). I think it was a little choppy especially at the end, which was slightly rushed. I think paragraphs would have made it easier to read and as others have stated, varying sentences. I think the telescope thing was irrelevant as you did nothing with it. And I had to reread the part about the dragon because at first it made absolutely no sense. I think I missed a sentence. But I think saying he named deat... (more »)

 
Mgymnast This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 22, 2011 at 1:09 am
thanks so much i appreciate the criticism!!! This is only my first draft and i can see i still have a lot of improvements to do before my final draft!!
 
Killer_PianoForteist said...
Jan. 4, 2011 at 2:16 pm
Wow! Lots of comments for such little time! I love this alot andits a myth that should go in the permanent myth book. Its very good, so keep up the good work! (^.^)-b      (the b is a thumbs up)
 
Mgymnast This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 6, 2011 at 11:33 pm
haha! Thanks! :)
 
BrittieVee said...
Jan. 3, 2011 at 12:46 pm
This was amazing, i love mythology as well. every well writtin, although the begining was a little draggy because you always used "he" or "zeus". maybe if you changed up the first paragragh it would make it grab the attenchion of readers a bit more. It was very interesting, i gave it 5 stars :) every nice. ( and btw i loved the ending were it all came together )
 
Mgymnast This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 6, 2011 at 11:34 pm
Do you have any ideas in what i can do to change the begining?? And thanks!! :)
 
OriginalCarbonation said...
Jan. 2, 2011 at 11:44 pm

Overall I found this entertaining (although a little more so near the end) and I respect the background information this was based on. Although I didn’t check it or anything that drastic, it seemed to be accurate information. In fact if you enjoyed that writing assignment you should really try doing historical fiction with a really in-depth look into a time period for the class of a certain person, especially a diary – but that’s really intense on research, so don’t ta... (more »)

 
DreamsAreBroken replied...
Jan. 3, 2011 at 7:20 am
This was interesting, of course I like the myth alone, but with your imagination she twisted it beautifully.
 
Mgymnast This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 6, 2011 at 11:32 pm
Thank you so much! this will help me so much and not just with this piece,but with others as well! I appreciate it! :):)
 
stubborn411 said...
Jan. 2, 2011 at 10:54 pm
I really like it. Its not often I can see myths that are made and still sound like myths and have tragic ends without overkill. Bravo. It was very nice.
 
Mgymnast This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 6, 2011 at 11:27 pm
Thanks! :)
 
AndWormm said...
Jan. 2, 2011 at 9:47 pm

I love this story! (: In some spots it would flow more smoothly if you tried to vary sentence beginings, for example the first part a lot of sentences start with "He" or "Zeus"
maybe try switching them around a bit?

That's the only critisism I could come up with! Your story shows that you can't buy love, and that people are selfish and silly. It's funderful (:(:

 
Mgymnast This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 6, 2011 at 11:28 pm
That's a great idea thank you! I'll make sure to go back and edit this!!
 
his_silly_girlThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 2, 2011 at 8:47 pm
I love myths.. this one was full of twist and turns and you showed even gods had trouble getting what they wanted... your an amazing writer and i cant wiat to read more of your work.  keep writing storys for i believe that is were your future leads and if not do as a passion never let anyone put you down!
 
Mgymnast This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 6, 2011 at 11:26 pm
Thank you i hope to follow my dream of becoming a journalist and getting a book published! :)
 
Coffee said...
Jan. 2, 2011 at 6:00 pm

i like greek mythology and I found this story very interesting to read! It never bored me, and I enjoyed reading it. I like how certain things Zues did fit together with things that are now natural in real life. "he called this pain sunburn" I liked that too. and the end interested me. It was sad, but hey I love that stuff.

:)

 
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