Innocence

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I had a dream the other night. Not a dream where I turn into a superhero and fly. Not a dream where I’m on a beach fighting an evil killer whale. A dream that could capture my mind and have me question my future…It was dark; in the dream, blackness blinded my whole being, consumed in nothingness. I was walking. Sprinting. Trying to reach for a light, a light that was never found, no, instead I found my childhood home. It was penetrated with mist and haze, a frozen building stopped in time after it was abandoned. My lungs ached from the run, and a sharp painful coldness set over my body, releasing itself inside of me, grasping all the warmth and destroying it. The house looked down at me with no pity, unwelcomed and unsafe. Staring at the unfamiliar home I sighed for mercy allowing a white cloud to escape my mouth and circle in the air. Danced through the sky and surrounded the home, engulfing it. A soft lift of haze escaped from the house and ran safely back to the darkness that surrounded all. Something inside my chest twisted and pushed toward the home, the coldness numbed me, I could not move or think. The tugging was endless and unprepared my body became limp. A small fragment of myself escaped from my physical being and stepped out towards the house, a glimpse behind me I noticed a frozen body pathetically coiled as the darkness consumed her. I watched with much closure as if it was all natural. I was translucent, yet my entire self felt intense and strong. The front door opened. An invitation.
Gliding up a wretched lawn, I walked in to the home…the brightness blinded me. Childhood. A familiar table awkwardly positioned in the center of a sitting room, emerald sofas reached fair against linked walls, and a wooden set that contained all electronics. A warmth spread over the area, welcoming and presenting itself in the most casual manner, however; my mind was not set on the living area. My eyes adverted to the hallway, dully gleaming for attention. I glided towards it. It receives me passionately, accepting my presence by wrapping the dreary atmosphere around me. I continue to travel towards the end where I see a vacant white door. I stopped and curiously turning the golden knob, opening and walking inside, revealing my childhood bedroom, and yet; it was not. Vibrant, white walls match a single bed positioned to the corner of the room. A feeling of knowing ached for my mind to lie down on the bed and accept the comfort. I did. I situated myself on the cold mattress by laying on my back and my legs slightly apart from the other. My arms joined together on top of my chest and my eyes focused on the pasty ceiling. Silence.
My soul was full and relaxed. Until something stirred underneath the bed. I paid no attention towards the noise believing there was not much to worry about. Then it happened again; an extreme pierce from underneath the mattress ached my back. I dramatically sat up before feeling a jolt of the same pain go to my legs. Whatever was underneath the bed was pushing towards the bottom so that it could disturb my comfort. I tried to avoid the interruptions but with no use, whatever was underneath was relentless and continued to push up on the sofa. My once calm and comforted body turned to stress and confusion. That’s when I heard the groans…soft…painful…intense groans extracting from underneath. I shot off the mattress and landed beside the bed. I observed the bed with puzzlement, trying to understand the cause of the interruption. A sudden thud gave me a jump back. A thud that landed underneath, as if a huge weight was dropped and left behind. My eyes adverted to the edge of the bed, afraid to look underneath. I shook as I gently descended towards the ground. My eyes eager to recognize the disturbance.
A sheet. A blood red sheet was resting on top of an object. Whatever was underneath was not moving. My hand reached out towards it and recognized the material as silk. Edging closer I slowly pulled the sheet away, revealing a set of charcoal black hair. I pulled more; revealing fair skin…I pulled more; revealing hushed blue eyes. I forcefully tugged the silk away revealing a young girl. She was lying on her side, dressed in a stained white nightgown. She was dead. Her lips were parted slightly and her eyes looking at me. Dull and intense. A girl I could not recognize, a girl I have never seen before, a girl who lied there; abandoned. I stared in fascination.
The dream ended there. I woke up to a violent alarm shouting for me to begin the day. The dream did not have such an impact on me at first. Nothing really gave me much notice until over time where I began to realize all the struggles in my life that I had to face during the days. Each getting more complicated and less understandable. Social events confused me, stress didn’t ease, and pain from traumatic events stayed with me. The simple way of life has gone, or it’s as if it was abandoned. Time dramatically changed that I never noticed the transition into young adult hood, it happened rapidly. My childhood is gone…dead, yet; my life continues on. The truth of the past stings my awareness but it is necessary, now I can move on and enjoy the obstacles that are put ahead of me and learn. A final goodbye was approached that night; a harsh yet glorifying farewell.





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