Deadly Whispers Prologue

November 12, 2010
By Miss.Chase BRONZE, Anaheim, California
Miss.Chase BRONZE, Anaheim, California
4 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Greatness Isn't Given Its Earned"

Book 1 pt 1: Transformation

"On the Eve of the blue moon,
one not of our blood will become blood.
A deadly scream will make the earth tremble
and the rivers run red..."


White paw steps emerged cautiously onto the meadow. The paw steps soon revealed a white pelted wolf as she stepped out of the safety of the forest. Her muzzle lifted proudly as the strands of grey fur started to line her snout. The female slowly walked out onto the snowy fields of the once lush green grass that stretched out over the meadow. Her eyes shining a dark brown as the wolf stopped to scent the air. Her body was tense and uneasy as she noticed the half moon above her. The pale light against the black skies made the moon look like a crooked smile. 'Crooked indeed it is tonight' she thought and it sent an involuntary shiver along her spine.

The alpha female picked up her pace; bringing her smooth walking into a brisk trot, the only comfort she got was the sound of crunching snow beneath her paws. She knew it was against the code to hunt alone, she knew of the consequences the dangers, especially on this particular night. But she knew it needed to be done. With the frost well into its worse, prey was scarce, and sickness appears more frequently within the pack. Already it was taking its toll on the elderly and even a few hunters were living on the border line of life. Starvation was the main killer these past months. "Gaia, guide my paws tonight." the female breathed, her eyes weary with her coming age, but deep within her chocolate brown iris held a deep wisdom. A wisdom far beyond her years and even that of some of the elders.

Her lips were dry and cracked from the cold and she swiped her tongue over them quickly. A crackle of dead twigs caused her ears to perk with interest. There just bounds away was a buck, making his way over the frozen river. Her eyes dilated and instinct kicked in as she lowered her body into a crouch. The fur on her back stood on end as she pawed her paw closer and closer. Her white fur camouflaged well into the snow, keeping her hidden, as long as she kept low enough to the ground. The buck froze and lifted his head, he seemed to not be staring at her but through her. The she-wolfs brows fell in confusion but she kept her posture stiff, so she did not give away her position.

A crunch of snow caused to female to flinch, and momentarily take her focus off of the buck before her. Those were not her paws and the brown pelted deer was to far away to make that big of a noise. She slowly lifted her head, a small growl emitted from the figure behind her. She swung her body around and stared up at the creature that loomed over her. A body made of dark brown fur; it stood on two legs instead of four. It took on the upper body of a hell hound, its fur shaggy and sharp angled teeth. Its red tinted eyes stared down upon the wolf. The dark color under the eyes indicated fatigue and starvation, and with the broadness of its chest you could tell it was male."Beast!" she gasped and her ears instantly flattened. Her eyes darted to the trees but she knew that even in a hasted run she could not reach it in time.

"Prey...." the beast growled his voice hoarse with obvious thirst. It seemed all tribes were suffering this frost. The alpha female growled in warning, showing off her teeth. Her hackles raised and her form tightened, ready to spring at any moment. The beast’s eyes were suddenly dilated and the red tint had faded into black. A slow menacing growl escaped his throat and both sides were circling slowly. The beasts claws flicked out and hung at his sides, broad shoulders rolling with his movement. The female slide her claws out, letting them drag snow towards her paws. The beast lunged and the white wolf stepped back, nearly escaping its jaws on her muzzle. She snarled and swiped her claws in a diagonal line, it grazed his upper arm.

A howl of pain emitted from his jaws as he took a step back, dazed. The white wolf took this to her advantage and jumped. She dug her claws into his chest, while she snapped at it with her jaws at his throat. The beast swung around, bringing his claws around to hit the wolf off of his chest. She flew off from the impact and fell into the snow, sending up slush. Scarlet streams trickled from the bests muzzle and he lowered himself onto fours. Looking more gorillas like than dog. In a quick leap he landed beside her, his paws skidded against the snow. The white wolf still dizzy tried to scramble to her paws. But with her lack of speed at the moment his paws was brought to the side of her face, the female let out a loud whine of pain. She whimpered slightly as she regained her footing, eyes lifted to the creature.

The female growled lowly and took this time to jump to her right, missing his third strike, and dashed for his side. Biting into his side, blood streamed down from the wounds, and she backed up. Blood stained her teeth as she watched the beast hold its side with pain. His teeth clenched, she turned and ran. Her legs carried her across the meadow, sending up puffs of snow behind her. She had to get to the forest, it would be safer there, the truce kept it that way. A loud roar came from behind as claws latched onto her shoulders and smashed her into the snow. With a loud yelp she tried to struggle free from her captor, but they dug into her fur. She whined and felt her heart beat quicken. Fear took over her and she thrashed wildly until teeth meet with her throat. The fastened as she was no longer able to make a sound.

Her eyes glazed as the beast shook her in his jaws like a doll. Blood poured from her neck and the she-wolf felt her life slowly draining from her. The sound of howls caused the shaking to stop, and her body to be thrown helplessly to the snow. Blood splattered against the white blanket staining it a dark crimson. The beasts paw steps retreated as the barks grew louder. Her vision failed her as frantic paw steps were crunching through the snow.

"Alita!" Her human name was called, she recognized the voice though her grasp on life was slowly failing. A nose pressed into her scruff. Soft whimpers came from him as he turned to look at her. She just barley had enough strength to look him in the eyes.

"Regis?" she barked softly, but with each word more blood pulsed from her neck. She coughed and blood leaked from her mouth.

"Alita, Crystal. Don't speak darling, I’m here."

"I believe Crystal is the name I've been given in this form." she replied, so given for her white pelt. Her body cringed with the spasm of life that flowed from her.

“Crystal, don’t leave me. I need you, our son needs you." his voice was pleading as he covered her ears with licks. The alpha males grey pelt mingled with hers. She shook her head slowly, but stopped as her body shook.

“I can not, Gaia is calling me Aspen. She is calling me to hunt with her. I must obey her will. I must..." she coughed more blood. ”My cycle is done, though I do wish I could stay longer. Teach our son Aspen, teach him to be strong. Let him know that I am sorry I could not see him grow up, and that I love him." Her body trembled and her breathing became sharper. A tear fell onto her cheek; she knew he would respect her wishes. " Your packs needs you, and if you should find love take it for I have failed."

"No!" his eyes were burning as he stared onto his mates form. "Don't ever say that. You have not failed me, nor will you now. I...." he gulped, lowering his head in pain. ”I wish you safe journey to the lands of twilight. Please know that you will be avenged, and never forgotten by your pack." Crystal’s lips tugged into a small smile.

"By taking a life..... it won't bring me back. So why have unnecessary blood being shed?" her voice faltered a bit during words and with one spasm her body stopped. Her body shook with two breaths before no more followed. Her brown eyes glazed over and all emotion was cleared out, vacant. Her body glowed pale silver as the body of the white wolf disappeared, and in its place the body of a women laid. Wounds in exactly the same places, her white-tinted hair fell over her chest. Eyes shut. Howls of remorse echoed into the air from the two other wolves that accompanied Aspen to the meadow. Aspens head was low and his ears fell back in respect for the fallen she-wolf. His green eyes stared at the limp form of his mate. He did not notice that the russet male wolf had come up, sniffing at the female.

"Aspen..... Beast. Its scent is all over her." Aspen lifted his head; he didn't even notice the scent before. Rage filled his veins and he lifted his head. He stepped back from the corpse of the female. He closed his eyes for support.

"Bury her body in the woods...."


"Now!" he snapped and both wolves flinched. The russet wolf nodded and signaled with his head for the brown female to come forward. A flash of white light and the russet wolf turned, he stood up straight. His skin was that of a tan color and the female stepped next to him. Both stood looking down upon the once mighty she-wolf. He turned as the two lifted the limp body and carried it off towards the woods. As the footsteps faded he slowly made his way back. This night would not be soon forgotten.

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This article has 6 comments.

on Nov. 22 2010 at 6:05 pm
BleedingTearsCryingBlood BRONZE, Pendleton, Indiana
4 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Read on to discover a soul deeper than your own. Read on to find the innermost feelings, and thoughts of a creative mind. Read on to find something you may or may not understand."

Ok so here is what I thought

1. Do a really quick grammar check

2. I am not sure how if real life accuracy is something your going for but I don't think that wolves claws slide out you may want to research that

3. Re-read this allowed to yourself to make sure that all of your sentences fit together and flow

4. This story line is similar to the book Shiver if you have not already read that before continuing to be sure that you do not make this book to similar. I don't know about others but I like to read books that are completely different from anything I have ever read.

on Nov. 22 2010 at 5:02 pm
Miss.Chase BRONZE, Anaheim, California
4 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Greatness Isn't Given Its Earned"

Thankyou for your feedback :) And the wolves have two names, one for wolf form and another for human. Its a protection type of thing for them. Gaia is the name of their "god" in a sense.

Mickey_D GOLD said...
on Nov. 22 2010 at 4:57 pm
Mickey_D GOLD, Santa Cruz, California
11 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you don't believe in that subconscious self as a writer, then you shouldn't be doing it. ~Ray Bradbury

While, the animal/fantasy type stories do not particularly fall under my experience, I decided to read anyway :)


The story was great, but sometimes you sort of stumbled through sentences with some awkward grammar choices, which really was consistent throughout the story. During the fight scene, it was a little hard to follow because of the grammar.

In the end, all of the names... Regis, Alita, Crystal, Gaia, Aspen, so many names for a couple of wolves! It was a little confusing, and that threw me off.


Despite all of that, it was a great introduction to a veangeful, action-filled fantasy.

on Nov. 22 2010 at 4:50 pm
writer-in-pearls GOLD, San Diego, California
10 articles 0 photos 42 comments
Love the descriptions, very beautifully written :)

on Nov. 20 2010 at 4:48 pm
Firebringer17 GOLD, Mayfield HTS, Ohio
10 articles 0 photos 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To get respect, you must earn respect, to earn respect you must give respect."

"Twilight" ugh, I will never look at that word the same way again, but I like how you used it. Besides grammar, very well written, good fight scene, and an intersting prolouge for the apparent pup/baby destined for greatness. I'm going to read chapter 1 as well.

on Nov. 20 2010 at 2:12 pm
JenMikalaEngel SILVER, FOster City, California
5 articles 0 photos 21 comments
Nice details! Only a few things with verb tense, but other than that, really well done!


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