for what the future holds s nothing, that normal eyes can see

October 31, 2010
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“Sidewalks hold diamonds like a jewelry store case”


The city sidewalks were a mirror into a completely different world, one that just couldn’t even compare. They were the only element left to be misused. Oddly as it sounded he preferred it this way. The sky was bright enough to warm him but not enough to burn, a woman of average height, possibly around his age passed him silently, something that was taken for granted in this city. Her dress was as bright as the clear blue sky above them, so pure and clean. Pure enough to make even the edge of the city sparkle with much needed delight.

“When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend, get a coffee and the paper have my own conversations, with the sidewalks and the pigeons and my window reflection”
As he continued on, he adjusted his ear buds; jostling the lyrics in his head. He passed a vividly colored billboard; he looked up out of habit and watched as it mirrored his image. He smiled and waved laughing to himself thinking of how incredulous and well odd he must seem to passersby’s. Like the rest he had found a strange comfort in the billboards, knowing so that they were made for the purpose of finding criminals and for keeping the public aware of such crimes and those who should be punished. He sipped his coffee with a smug look on his still child like face.
“The worlds got me dizzy again, you think after 22 years I’d get used to the spin”


In every passing window he watched his tattered reflection slowly pass, barely recognizing himself these days if one were to ask what happened he would merely shrug and mumble incoherently something along the lines of “Oh, I just got sick of living, when tomorrow seems more and more further away” Shane would have killed him if he could read his thoughts but Shane couldn’t…. at least he really hoped not. He looked up to the blue sky and watched as the clouds moved slowly, freely, something he wished he was. He turned onto the familiar street every step already known from habit, one he never wished to forget. He laughed softly to himself, now fully aware of the other around him, sure not to be too loud with his inner dialogue, truth be told he wasn’t always this introverted and closed off. He still couldn’t believe everything had become so drawn out and routine like an old picture he had forgotten he had drawn. Now there was no need for rebellion, something older generations had made known when everyone’s voice had been finally heard, yes he meant everyone. Everyone was at peace with this world, well everyone but him it seemed. He honestly needed the chaos in his life; without it he felt as if he were drowning.
“But I sing glory from my lowest and I will say peace to the people I meet. While the world waits for an explosion, that instant of life. That wipes the slate clean”
He sat down on the bench and closed his eyes, he really did miss everything this city used to stand for, discovery, freedom, stardom and an escape. The bright lights acted as the background of every doe eyed beauties dreams. Every story had an ending and his was just starting. The change in the city had been step by step, never fast but slow enough to fool even the most observant. It had started like most do with laws, changes that were needed but soon over the top. Recycling became a must, littering became illegal, which lead to trashcans being placed on every street corner, laws on marriage changed from just men and women and men with men and women with women; it didn’t matter because everything was accepted. Sure some still found it disgraceful, but in the end the change was needed. The amount of paper produced decreased rapidly, while most school became completely electronic, using solar power of course. It seemed that everyone was at least content with the much needed changes, well at least for the moment.

“Newspaper, newspaper can't take no more, you're here every morning, Waitin' at my door. And I'm just tryin' to kiss you, and you stab my eyes, make me blue forever, like an Allen sky. And I'm not pretending, that it's all okay, just let me have my coffee, before you take away the day.”

He sighed contently with the warm sun on his pale face, he subconsciously moved his hair from his eyes, as he opened his eyes he locked eyes with a man. The man just stared at him with piercing eyes that he swore went right through him, he looked away startled and glued his eyes down to his tattered shoes. He couldn’t help but smile and think of past memories, him and the shoes had been through a lot. Through past relationships, breakups, their first tour, his move here from Washington, and their last tour. “The spotlight, the focus on the friends, and the feelings. That made those stupid songs all worth singing” He shook his head, but that’s all in the past he told himself. Sometimes he wondered what they were doing now_ were they happy? The last he heard was that Bill started a new band with Jon and Spencer, and well that was two years ago. “So we drove for what seemed like days over roads, and four lane highways. We said all we had to say and I realized in time that it didn't mean anything. Never, Not ever again. Not like that” and that was the truth it could never be the same, and there really wasn’t a point in him wasting his time being nostalgic about, this “what could have been” type of situation. He looked up and the odd man was gone, he picked himself up off of the bench, threw his coffee cup away and placed his paper in his back pocket.
“Did you forget that yellow bird? How could you forget your yellow bird?”
He started walking again, he groaned when he heard a beeping noise in his ear, he tapped his ear twice and a voice was heard through his head “Brendon do you realize that it’s eight in the morning now, I woke up and you weren’t there- where are you? Actually better yet when did you leave? Why B?” Brendon pretended that his heart didn’t soften hearing that Shane was worried about him so much, he loved that man, he really did. “Brendon!”
Brendon jumped and stuttered “ s-sorry Shane, I couldn’t sleep at all last night, so at five I left and started walking, look I’m sorry hun I didn’t mean to worry you.”
He heard Shane sigh “Brendon how could I not worry about you, I love you, you idiot, just come home soon, ok?”
Brendon smiled “Sure I’m only a block away from home now” “yeah ok,… um B? Is it about the album? If it is, trust me love its great.”
Brendon shook his head trying to hide his embarrassment “Yeah it was, I just couldn’t help but worry, you know?”
Shane sighed softly “I know, just hurry home.”
Brendon started to walk a little faster “I will, bye.” “Bye B.”
Brendon tapped his ear once, turning the phone off.

He loved Shane he really did, he had been his best friend for the longest time, and he was the one he could always count on when things went wrong. Truth be told he missed his old phone; he missed actually holding it in his hand, with its scratches, and cracks. It didn’t matter because it was solid and real, and his. He missed a lot of things, the feel of paper in his hand, God even paper cuts. The static of the radio when he would loose the signal; fighting with Jon over the right directions, using a map.

“But I realize that I need you, and I wondered if I could come home”
He looked up and saw Shane’s silhouette through the window and, he couldn’t help but smile. He loved the fact that Shane paced when he got nervous or worried. The poor dogs get so shaken up when he paces back and forth through their apartment. He opened the front entrance door and walked up the three floors to their apartment. Forty steps he counted and then five more to their door. Safety in numbers, that’s what Shane, referred to it as.
“ Some people never change, they just stay the same way”
He laughed at the irony; he grabbed his key from his pocket and opened the door. Shane looked up from the couch, making it seem that he hadn’t just been pacing through the apartment waiting for him, the dogs looked up at him and ran towards him Brendon smiled “Bo! Indie!” He hugged them to him and petted their fur he couldn’t help but laugh when they licked his face. Brendon looked up and smiled at Shane, he closed the door behind him and walked over to him, his smile becoming bigger when he began to get closer to Shane, “ Hey” Shane smiled
“ Hey yourself” Shane wrapped his arms around Brendon tightly Brendon breathed in Shane’s smell which always consisted of oranges, and old spice body wash. Brendon placed his face in Shane’s neck, Shane kissed his forehead.

“So if you want to be with me, w- with these things there's no telling. We just have to wait and see, but I’d rather be working for that paycheck. Then waiting to win the lottery, besides maybe this time is different see I really think you like me”
It was in times like these that no words had to be said, because they were content just being with each other not worrying about anything at all. Because all that matter in this moment, was just them. Brendon could feel Shane’s breath on his ear when he whispered “Let’s leave” Brendon let go of him and looked into his eyes, but all he could see beneath the depths of brown was love, and seriousness.
Brendon frowned “ where would we go?”
Shane smiled softly “ how about California? Maybe San Diego or San Francisco?” Brendon took a moment to think about it, we both need a break anyway he mussed, maybe start over somewhere new, somewhere we can just be. Yeah he liked that idea. Brendon smiled “ yeah lets go, lets do it”
Shane smiled brightly and kissed his cheek “ thank you, thank you, go pack I’ll get the dogs” And it was settled they would leave Chicago for good, to find what they had been missing happiness, and peace.

“And I went to San Diego, the birthplace of the summer, and watched the ocean dance under the moon”

They lay silent with both dogs by their side, because no words were needed in this moment, watching the sun setting down across the ocean, blending blues with pinks and oranges and reds of every kind that made a picture that could last forever. No words were spoken everything he needed was right here, just like he had wished, he was happy, and oh so peaceful. He looked over at Shane, and smiled, Shane met his gaze and smiled back. He was certain, he really was. “ You're the yellow bird that I've been waiting for”

The end.





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