Go Ahead & Explode part. 3

October 4, 2010
On the day the universe explodes, J.D missed the fourth beep on his alarm clock, only waking up on the twelfth. He didn’t hear the bird and instead rolled off his bed in a purely tired daze, groaning and moaning from the not so surprising hardness of the floor. On that floor he finally opened his eyes, maybe for the first time and said, “I’m running late.”
Not in hurry by his last statement, he grunted as he stood and carelessly pulled his uniform from his closet and didn’t even bother to look in the mirror that morning. He knows very well how puffy his are and how deep the circles around his eyes are, nothing needs to tell him that. He feels it all.
Attempting to awake himself, he yawned and pushed himself down the stairs to the kitchen. He didn’t have pop tarts but chugged on the orange juice, straight from the jug.
Nothing from this morning felt strange until he noticed the standard note from the refrigerator door, “Don’t lose yourself.” It says, “Stay on course” it says…
Becoming one with reality, panic struck J.D like lighting and with that new electrified adrenaline, he grabbed his bag and dashed out the door. The sidewalks are the same as are the people, except this time, he isn’t one with the crowd but rushing beside it, one small leaf down a flowing stream, out of place but he still keeps on going.
J.D keeps going until his feet won’t allow him to. It’s like a weight was pushed down his throat, into his stomach and dropped to his feet. To put it simply, he’s paralyzed.
Like every day of every morning by the same stoop and under the same tree are Randy, Austin, and Brad smirking the same smirk as yesterday. He doesn’t want to go that way. That’s the way that will only end up in pain and he’ll only feel sad in the end, and he knows that very well by experience...
“So why go that way?” J.D whispers in his exhale.
The world switched to slow motion, J.D could clearly, more clearly than ever before, his movement, the way his foot was moving backwards. He felt the tension it took to lift it, the light presence of air as he brushed past it and the firmness the sidewalk has to keep his whole body up. And finally, a single breathe slivered out of his mouth.
Without thinking, for the first time in his life, he chose to run.
Against the flowing stream, he ran past people, maneuvering away from others and apologizing loudly and to no one in particular. He just had the need to keep going. He felt like if he stopped the whole world would reside back to the unchanging spiraling dismal place he called his life.
Maybe he did learn one final thing from Marie, even if she’s gone. That he can break free. He just wishes that he could’ve taught her being free was worth living for.
“Ow!” A little voice quaked, putting a halt to J.D’s epiphany jog. He sees a little girl in her school uniform, cornered by two other little girls in the same uniform, just bigger than she is.
One told the small girl with no remorse, “You really are a weirdo, no wonder nobody wants to be friends with you.”
On the brink on tears, the small child clutched her little hands onto her dress, probably squeezing as tight as she can. This child stands there, taking all of those girl’s insults and comments… its then J.D feels the déjà sink in. Marie held her dress the same way when the girls on the play ground confronted her.
“Stop,” J.D said. The girls did nothing, they didn’t hear him. He spoke louder, “Stop I said!”
All three of the little girls flinched and could only watch him come over barking, “What do think you’re doing to that girl?”
They could only stare at him in shock—being they’re not normally confronted in their daily routine, but J.D can care less. He asked those girls, “Do you think what you’re doing is good? Well it’s not. You two little girls are awful little things and I hope one day you’ll get what’s coming to you.” It’s easy to see when little girls are about to cry and the second J.D could see tears form at the corner of those two girl’s eyes, he assured them, “Or you can stop now… be a friend, not an enemy. I promise you will be happier in the end that way.” He had to stay firm, though. Pointing his finger at them, he sincerely told them “I don’t want to see anything like this again… Understand?”
The only thing those girls could do was run away, most likely crying. He sighed prior to noticing the small child by his knees. She gazed up at him on the brink of tears, which makes him feel awful because he didn’t want her to cry.
He bent down beside her, rubbing her tiny shoulder and asked “Are you alright?”
Before he could even finish, tears stream down her eyes and in a flash she wails and latches onto J.D. She cries and cries while J.D caressing her hair and whispered calming shushing noise to ease her.
He felt the need to say this, something he wishes he could’ve told Marie, “I know it’s hard and this won’t be the last hard thing to come your way, but know there are people here on this world who would love to be leaned on…” The two break away and he smiles, “People care about you, though it may not seem like that now, but you’ll meet people who would gladly stick up for you.”
As the little girl whipped her tears, J.D takes his cufflinks off and attaches them to her uniform. “Hold onto these and remember there’s love in the world. Okay?”
She smiles, a little smile raised on her face. “I will… thank you.”
In awe of a beautiful smile, J.D watches her run off.
“That was different,” J.D eventually speaks, “a good different.”
Glancing up in the sky, he notices it’s blue. A creamy, lovely blue he’s never taken the time to look at. He decides to take a seat on a neighboring bench just so he can look at the sky. He doesn’t think of anything, all he does is listens to people walking, chattering and the buzzing of the world.





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