Exiting the hospital, I held my head in pain. Did I have a migraine? It felt like all my blood was rushing straight up my body. Suddenly, I realized I didn’t know where I was. Why had I been in a hospital? Who was I? Looking in the reflection of the doors, I glimpsed what I looked like. A giant rat nest had taken over the right side of my head; it looked like I hadn’t taken a shower in days. I was in desperate need of a hair brush. My t-shirt was decorated with rancid chocolate ice cream, covering the picture of a present under a Christmas tree. Picking a booger out of my nose, I tried to figure out where I was. To my right was undead George Washington spray painting a pick-up truck. With a gasp I turned to my right only to see a physco goldfish beating up a shark. Was I hallucinating? Looking back and forth, I realized yes they were still there. What was going on?? Shoving my hands in my pockets I took a step forward to try to go between them. My finger tips suddenly burning I pulled them out of my pockets. Magma flowed out of them, creating burns up my arms. Screaming, I looked for a source of water. Suddenly it started raining and the searing pain was gone. Feeling someone pat me on the back, I turned thankful to have someone to bring me back to reality. Instead I was greeted by a dinosaur wearing a Simon Cowl shirt. Handing me a banana, he said to me, “Its ok, we are here to help.” Flinging it onto the sidewalk I spat at him, “Trying to help? What the frick is going on?” Just then the clouds parted and a double rainbow shined down. In the distance, I saw a figure. It looked as if… as if… it was sliding down the rainbow!!! My eyes bulged out of my skull as a jello leprechaun landed in front of me. But he wasn’t wearing green. Maybe he was just a midget? Oh well, this is all too weird for me anyways. Raising his hands in the air he said some kind of spell. Sunflowers shot up suddenly all around me, each one with a celebrity’s face. Michael Jackson did a leafy moonwalk and Johnny Depp flung a rum bottle at me, and Whoopi Goldberg laughed like a hyena. This was all too much for me. Just as the air started to smell like apple pie, I turned my back on the sunbears offering me strange colored crackers, and walked right back into the hospital.
Outta the Hospital
October 4, 2010