Bloody Tan

August 23, 2010
By DaddyzUnwantedDolly PLATINUM, Raliegh, North Carolina
DaddyzUnwantedDolly PLATINUM, Raliegh, North Carolina
31 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."~ Dr. Seuss


I am in love with the sun. I told my mom the other day. She called me crazy, laughing at first until she saw the serious look in my eyes.
She asked how I could love the sun and I replied with my first thought, "I love the way it reaches out to caress the paleness away..It burns me often but soon apologizes with a swift breath of minty wind or turtle like clouds..."
I remember trailing off when my mom told me to stop for about the sixth time since my fourth word finally making her scream and shake me. She told me to not be a hermit and that to much sun was bad. She made me stay inside for a month after that and I silently mourned as my bronze skin faded away. I noticed in the mirror as my hair grew thinner and cried some more to my mom. She told me that's the after effects of my going out to much...
Every time I looked into my reflection I saw a stranger.. 'She couldn't be me. I was so beautiful.. My shiny hair all full and glorious hung to my waist...many times I complained about its thickness. I'd give anything, even my soul, for it nowadays... I look bald just about.
That night I made a plan to get more sun to heal my hair and skin back to normal...
First step- Dump out the milk and claim to have drank it.
Second step- Offer to buy more.
Third step- Go to tanning salon before getting milk.

When I arrived to the tanning booth the lady looked at me and asked if I was sick, I said no and she shook her head looking at me like I had a disease. I remember I hadn't looked in the mirror for quite a while now since I couldn't even recognize me as me...So, I must look a mess to her and others considering all the stares I received.
I stepped into the booth to begin my tanning and quickly fell asleep... I heard a scream after feeling someone open the booth I was in and attempted to open my eyes but couldn't. I lifted my arms but found a numbness radiating through my body as well as a slight burn that grew more painful each second.
The lady lifted me and my mind screamed out in pain, yet I-myself- did not.
I guess I dozed off again because when I heard noises they where all fuzzy and as I opened my eyes I could still see nothing but black and it burnt to feel air fill them up... They seemed really dry. Unlike the rest of my body which felt oddly wet... I slowly yet steadily felt my hand and arm mover towards my somewhat pain constricted body to touch my body.. It felt like a marshmallows insides after you cook it, gooey and droopy..
The buzz was still in my ears somehow controlling me. It or rather, she told me to stand up. I did, after falling a few dozen times. She told me to walk to my left and I asked why. No answer so I just did it. Not to seconds passed and I ran into a seemingly much larger body.
I felt my eyes clear up just enough as it adjusted to my surrounding and looked up in horror to see a bloody corpse.. Its eyes all sunken in.. No nose at all. I started to swallow, but quickly paused as I felt the intense sting of pain from lack of water.
The seemingly dead corpse lifted its hand and grabbed me by my puny neck... My last thought was, '...I hope to be tan in heaven.'
I then felt him bite into my neck, instantly breaking it with its lusting thirst.
My dead eyes where directed to the ground as my guts spilled out.



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This article has 9 comments.


on Sep. 19 2010 at 10:15 am
Alex_Durham GOLD, Vineland, New Jersey
14 articles 1 photo 234 comments

Favorite Quote:
Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

THANKS!!! :-D

on Sep. 19 2010 at 10:09 am
DaddyzUnwantedDolly PLATINUM, Raliegh, North Carolina
31 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."~ Dr. Seuss

Hahaha, good luck XD

on Sep. 18 2010 at 10:21 pm
Alex_Durham GOLD, Vineland, New Jersey
14 articles 1 photo 234 comments

Favorite Quote:
Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

IM GETTING IT UPDATES SO IT WILL WORK AFTER THAT. YAAAA! NO MORE CAPS

on Sep. 18 2010 at 3:12 pm
DaddyzUnwantedDolly PLATINUM, Raliegh, North Carolina
31 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."~ Dr. Seuss

Really? X_X Try.. Ummm.. Pressing shift when you type, on my OLD computer that's what I did to fix the problem.

on Sep. 17 2010 at 3:55 pm
Alex_Durham GOLD, Vineland, New Jersey
14 articles 1 photo 234 comments

Favorite Quote:
Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

BECAUSE MY COMPUTER WON'T LET ME TYPE IN LOWER CASE!!!! ):

on Sep. 17 2010 at 1:15 pm
DaddyzUnwantedDolly PLATINUM, Raliegh, North Carolina
31 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."~ Dr. Seuss

Thank you, why the 'CAPS'?

(I'm only writining in parentheses since for some unlogical reason you must type a certain amount of words.) XD


on Sep. 1 2010 at 10:44 am
Alex_Durham GOLD, Vineland, New Jersey
14 articles 1 photo 234 comments

Favorite Quote:
Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

I LIKED THE IDEA ANYWAY  

on Aug. 31 2010 at 2:57 pm
DaddyzUnwantedDolly PLATINUM, Raliegh, North Carolina
31 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."~ Dr. Seuss

I accidently sent this in... I meant to delete it so I could improve it. I don't like this story of mine much either.

on Aug. 31 2010 at 2:41 pm
Alex_Durham GOLD, Vineland, New Jersey
14 articles 1 photo 234 comments

Favorite Quote:
Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

I like the idea of this showing people that tans can be very bad. But as far as criticism goes, I think that this was very confusing. A lot of your sentences were hard to understand, seeming like you didn't re-read or edit this. Also, when you tried to write in detail, it came up short. You left me wanting more detail. How did she feel? "Felt him bite into my neck" isn't that great of a description. How did it feel? You told more than showed. 


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