Mr. Bloogan Gets Licked by a Dinosaur

July 12, 2010
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“So remember class…” Mr. Bloogan droned. “It’s important to—”
“Listen to the teacher…” Michelle groaned.
“…measure precisely…” Taylor giggled.
“…and try your best,” Jenny mumbled into her jacket, which she had conveniently squashed into a pillow.
“And be quiet!” Mr. Bloogan interrupted, glaring at the three girls. “We are now going to make salt!”
“Yay!” the class groaned. (All except Eggbert Pundelbus, who really meant it.)
“Chemistry is so boring,” Taylor complained.
“All we do is memorize the periodic table,” Michelle harrumphed.
“And come out smelly,” Jenny sniffed, wiping her hands on her jacket as she flipped the page in her textbook. Sometimes she was so bored she read ahead.
“I FORGOT!” Mr. Bloogan roared, banging his fist on his desk so all his pencils exploded.
Everyone jumped.
“Exchange papers,” Mr. Bloogan said serenely.
The fourth graders obediently whipped out their homework and exchanged papers with their neighbors.
“Number one…calcium,” Mr. Bloogan began.
The class sighed.
“…so one day I went to the grocery store and bought some milk. I brought it home and saw that the expiration date was four days ago. Can you believe this? I wanted to return it but the store didn’t let me. So I decided to experiment with the milk, mixing it with some soda, and it turned out lumpy. It looked so interesting I decided to drink it. Two hours later, I…now where was I?”
Everyone looked at Mr. Bloogan with a blank expression.
“So. Number three…”
“We’re on number two, Mr. Bloogan!” Jenny blurted.
“Oh! Number two is…helium,” Mr. Bloogan said.
“Which reminds me…I once bought a helium balloon and decided to inhale its air. You know, so I would sound like Donald Duck? Oops! Don’t try this at home kids,” Mr. Bloogan chuckled.
Fifteen minutes later, the class moved to number three.
Mr. Bloogan jumped out of his chair and started pacing around the classroom, peering at his students’ papers with laser beam focus.
“Oh my gosh, you forgot a comma!” Mr. Bloogan squeaked, stabbing Michelle’s paper with his finger.
Michelle jumped.
“Which reminds me…”
The class groaned.
“…commas are very important. They let you pause when you read to take in some breath. Without commas, you could faint, and possibly even—”
“Mr. Bloogan, can we start the chemistry experiment?” Taylor asked.
“Oh, I FORGOT!”
*

*

*
Twenty minutes later, Michelle and Taylor giggled as they stirred the green and blue bubbling mixture in the pot.
“Does this look like salt?” Michelle asked worriedly, peering into the pot.
The pot was bubbling.
It was not supposed to.
“Uhh…Mr. Bloogan?” Taylor asked.
Mr. Bloogan was humming to himself, coloring at his desk.
The whole class gasped when a green spiky bump emerged from Michelle and Taylor’s pot.
“MR. BLOOGAN!” the class shouted.
A tiny dinosaur hopped out of the pot. It grew bigger and BIGGER AND BIGGER until…
“MR. BLOOGAN!” the class roared.
Mr. Bloogan lifted his head from his coloring book. His faced turned purple at the sight of a giant purple dinosaur standing over his desk. The dinosaur smiled and licked Mr. Bloogan’s shiny bald head. It made his head even shinier!
Mr. Bloogan uttered a choked yell. “M-mich-chelle and T-t-tay-l-lor! G-g-get o-over h-ere n-n-n-n-now!”
“Heeeeere…dino, dino, dino!” Michelle called.
The dinosaur came running to its master.
“Go chase Mr. Bloogan…to Africa!” Taylor cried.
The dinosaur started chasing Shiny Head. The whole class cheered as Mr. Bloogan ran out the door, flapping his arms like a bird wishing he could fly.
The class jumped to its feet to applaud Michelle and Taylor’s amazing chemistry creation.
“Don’t worry Mr. Bloogan!” Michelle’s friend Jenny cried. “Your new friend is vegetarian!”
Taylor put her arm around Michelle. “Maybe chemistry isn’t so bad after all,” she grinned.
“Wait ‘till you see what I have planned for math!” Michelle giggled.





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mudpuppy said...
Aug. 6, 2010 at 3:36 pm
Silly and random. Brilliant
 
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