New Life

June 8, 2010
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Lisa's Trip to Mars



“Oh look, the newspaper,” Lisa said to her self. She sat down and started to read. She came across an article that said “WIN A TRIP TO MARS!” Oh my goodness! I have to enter right now! She ran and grabbed stamps, markers, paper, and an envelope. She was jumping with joy, running to the mailbox with excitement and hoping she would win. (Magic 3)

Days went by with no answer. She just knew she had lost. She felt as sad as a child who had lost their toy. (figurative language) However, it was the last day for the letter to come so Lisa ran to the mailbox and there was a letter with her name on it. She ripped it open. Jumping up and down, she screamed, “I won! I won! I won!” (Participle) She darted in to the house, grabbed her things and ran to the bus stop.

She rode the new speedy bus all the way there because there was no time to waste. (Action verbs) When she arrived, she could see the brand new spaceship. She could hear the people going on with their daily lives like it was no special day. For then at lest. She could touch the hard, cold outside of the brand new spacecraft. She could smell the exhaust from the spaceship starting up. She was so excited! (Specific details for effect) When it came time for the spaceship to take off, Lisa was basically bouncing out of her seat. She had an I-am-on top-the-world feeling that would not go away. (Hyphenated modifier) The countdown man started to count down 10 9 8 7 6 5 “This is it” Lisa was saying to her self. 4 3 2 1 and blast off! Riding the spaceship felt like a child riding a roller coaster for the first time. (Simile)

Thinking hard, Lisa had a pretty good idea that it was going to take a long time to get there (absolute) so she had planned out what to do. Eat and sleep, eat and sleep, eat and sleep and so on. After the light years it took her to get there, she was so excited when she finally got off to step on Mars. The first thing she saw when she got off was a green alien old and lonesome. (Apposive) Lisa could not belive that the small, alien green and wrinkled was a monster that lived there! (Adj. out of order) A real live one! Not like the ones you read about in books. She just knew she had to talk to it. “Hello my name is Lisa. I come in peace. What’s your name? Do you speak English?” (speech) She started to wonder if he thought she was silly with her blond pigtails and pink space suit. (Looks)

“Alvin and you have to leave right now or all the worlds will come to an end.” (Hyperbole) He said with a voice like a robot.

Lisa could not help but laugh, it seemed like he was laying down the law (Idiom) but she was not going to leave. She was to excited to be the first women on Mars, she was so excited to see a new form of life, she was so excited to be in space. (Repletion for effect) She told him, “If you want me to leave, you will have to find me first.” Then she ran off.(actions) Mars life was amazing! The most beautiful place was the lake. At least that was what she thought it was. The lime green water was glistening as the waves rolled back and forth. The dark green trees swayed and rustled in the wind. The light green sand had little ripples from where the wind had blown it. (Snap shot) But what she had seen after, scared her more. She heard the alien people discussing what they should do with her (effects on others) when all of a sudden Alvin popped out. All that was going through her head was, “Is he going to kill me? Is he going to help me? Am I ever going to get home? What will I ever do? “(thoughts) But he told her this, “Now you see why I told you that you must leave? There is still time. Come, your ship is this way.”

She said thanks to Alvin and got in her ship to leave. All she knew at the moment was that she sure would miss Mars. But it was time to leave. The ship had a loud boom bang as it took off. Hopefully she would make it. (Onomatopoeia) The last thing that she said to him was, “a friend in need is a friend indeed.”

It almost seemed that it took her longer to get back then it took to get there. But she was fine. With all the light years of traveling, she needed the time to think. When she reached home she was still glad. It was a long time after all. It felt good to be in her cozy home with more colors than green. (Environment)

Only two weeks later, Lisa went to the mailbox. “Oh look, the newspaper,” She said to herself as she sat down and started to read she came across an article that said, “Win a trip to the bottom of the ocean!” And I bet we have an idea who would want to go.


The End





Join the Discussion

This article has 3 comments. Post your own now!

i_am_nobody said...
Jul. 7, 2010 at 3:14 pm
wats with the (parenthses)?
 
Imaginedangerous This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 7, 2010 at 4:53 pm

I would assume it was a school assignment and the author was pointing out where she used a required device (simile, idiom, repetition for effect, etc.).

 

But since I'm not the author, don't take my word for it.

 
Apollo26 replied...
Jul. 7, 2010 at 7:27 pm
Yes, but she could have deleted that....
 
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