The escape of elphie: intro

June 12, 2010
By Inherinerd GOLD, Ashland, Ohio
Inherinerd GOLD, Ashland, Ohio
16 articles 9 photos 302 comments

Favorite Quote:
A word to the wise ain't nessecary it's the stupid ones that need the advise


I am a Nympha from the Naias troupe. Or as you would probably say, I am an Elvin Fay from the water tribe. Ah what the heck I'm an elf okay? Well sort of a mix of faerie and elf. My name is Elfrea meaning "Elvin power" but I'm mostly just called Elfie. I was born from the ruling elf troupe, the only heir to the throne. Something you should probably know , all look pretty much the same: really tall, super thin with very little muscle that you can see, sharp and angular, but beautiful faces, graceful beyond belief, blue eyes and straight blonde hair that reaches the lower back at its shortest. The "perfect image of beauty". But somehow I am not like them.

I am well muscled (you know, as far as women go.) , only five feet and nine inches tall as opposed to the normal six foot six, curvy figured with a little meat on my bones, and green eyed. And unlike my blonde haired people, I have blood-red, extremely curly hair that reaches my mid back. I also have special gifts, my people can manipulate the mist, the magical source of life, according to their "tribe" or troupe, water can bend water and so on with earth, air, fire, and being. Being manipulators can heal and are from the night troupe.

I can manipulate all of them: water, fire, earth, air, and being. I am not the first to master all of the components of the mist, there has been at least one every generation. The strange thing about me is that I can manipulate soul. Thoughts, emotions, fears, lusts, wants, and movements are all part of soul.

You'd think that all of this power is an awesome gift right? Wrong, my parents were ashamed and frightened of me because of my appearance and powers, they mined all of the larthian crystal they could and built a chamber, or rather a cell, for me. The crystal is the only thing that can block the mist. So I have been locked in this room my whole life.

But tomorrow I'm getting out.


The author's comments:
This is just and intro. not the whole story.

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This article has 14 comments.


on Sep. 21 2010 at 6:06 am
NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 531 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't believe in hell but I believe in my parent's couch-- Watsky

For most of your story I was intrigued, there are far too little people who get the difference betweed elvin people. faeries, nadaids, nymphs ect ect

When you started laying out the character of elphie, though, I got a little dissapointed.  She had all the possible benefits of her race, and no drawbacks.  She can manipulate all of the common elements, and a special one of her own.  She's just too perfect to be able to relate to or to like.  I'd recommend introdicing a flaw earleir in the story, 'cause right now she's giving me a perfection vibe which I;ve never been able to like in a main character.

You ending was pretty interesting, but with all of the virtual super-powers you've given her, I don't think escape will be too hard even when she had a cryptonite.

4 out of 5, I liked your base for this, but I think You'd do better with a more ralistic main character :)  Good Job!


on Jul. 17 2010 at 12:51 pm
mudpuppy BRONZE, Orangeburg, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 475 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is like a box of cheese and flower petal sometimes it's soft and sweet, sometimes it just plain stinks. - M.J.

I like the fact that she been imprison and is going to escape herself instead of someone else releasing her. And the ending can really hook you.

on Jul. 6 2010 at 8:44 am
Inherinerd GOLD, Ashland, Ohio
16 articles 9 photos 302 comments

Favorite Quote:
A word to the wise ain't nessecary it's the stupid ones that need the advise

Thank you!!

aub13zzz said...
on Jul. 4 2010 at 12:01 pm
i really loved it! it was very well thought out and creative! please, continue to write the story! i loved it and i want to read more!!!

on Jun. 25 2010 at 9:32 am
Inherinerd GOLD, Ashland, Ohio
16 articles 9 photos 302 comments

Favorite Quote:
A word to the wise ain't nessecary it's the stupid ones that need the advise

that wasn't the actual story yet i was just trying to see what people thought of the idea but thank you for the feedback!:)

on Jun. 25 2010 at 9:23 am
Bassoonkelley GOLD, Tampa, Florida
15 articles 0 photos 49 comments
Your writing style and your story line are immensely creative! However, I would like to see more artistry put into your work - more metaphors, adjectives that add detail to the surroundings. I felt like, while reading this, a lot of it was just factual information while what I was craving was some big, juicy fiction. Nice start, you've got a lot of potential!

on Jun. 24 2010 at 9:24 pm
Inherinerd GOLD, Ashland, Ohio
16 articles 9 photos 302 comments

Favorite Quote:
A word to the wise ain't nessecary it's the stupid ones that need the advise

This isn't a story it's an idea that I wanted to ask people about but thanks for the advise!!

on Jun. 23 2010 at 11:28 am
LegacyPen BRONZE, Hudson, Massachusetts
4 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
(my continued bio) Infinity, or Destiny of Infinity on here, is a total of 82,860 word count. I am in the editing process.

First off, I LOVE the last line. It adds the perfect cliffhanger, yet ends this intro. nicely. Great work there! Interesting idea you have here. Watch out for the stereotypical start to a first person story though. Almost all first-person stories start off with "I." Just a heads up in the future. If you follow this, you will have yet another edge to your stories that everyone will love!

on Jun. 19 2010 at 2:58 pm
Inherinerd GOLD, Ashland, Ohio
16 articles 9 photos 302 comments

Favorite Quote:
A word to the wise ain't nessecary it's the stupid ones that need the advise

no i haven't heard that one yet, i'll be sure to look it up!

We-R-3 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 19 2010 at 12:22 am
We-R-3 BRONZE, Orlando, Florida
1 article 0 photos 344 comments

Favorite Quote:
A picture is worth a thousand words, however it takes a real artist to turn words into pictures.

Have you heard about the new Lebron Iphone, you have to set it on vibrate because it doesn't have any rings

Oh yeah you like Skillet sweet have you heard the album awake yet, i love monster and hero.

We-R-3 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 19 2010 at 12:15 am
We-R-3 BRONZE, Orlando, Florida
1 article 0 photos 344 comments

Favorite Quote:
A picture is worth a thousand words, however it takes a real artist to turn words into pictures.

Have you heard about the new Lebron Iphone, you have to set it on vibrate because it doesn't have any rings

The only thing that struck me as Avatar last airbender is one every generation and you put water fire earth air together, that kinda reminds me of the title sequence for avatar Long ago blah blah blah only the Avatar master of all elements blah blah blah hunred yars past new avatar next gen starts. wOOOOHOOOO. It seems very interesting and I see a distinction between the two. look forward to reading more.

on Jun. 17 2010 at 9:51 am
Inherinerd GOLD, Ashland, Ohio
16 articles 9 photos 302 comments

Favorite Quote:
A word to the wise ain't nessecary it's the stupid ones that need the advise

Okay i've changed it to she can only manipulate soul and that nobody has mastered all of the other ones before. And the only reason i called them tribes was because that was one of the names for a group of elves, along with troupe so i used both.

on Jun. 17 2010 at 7:34 am
Cooling_Fever BRONZE, Roy, Utah
4 articles 1 photo 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We Partake In The Blood And Soul Of This Glorious Sacrifice."

It sounds a lot like 'The Last Airbender' to me. Almost exactly. First you got the tribes about water, air, earth, and fire, the only new one is night. Then elphie mastered them all and their is one of her kind each generation. Thats avatar stuff. Try changing it so it does not sound like avatar.

on Jun. 16 2010 at 5:04 am
Inherinerd GOLD, Ashland, Ohio
16 articles 9 photos 302 comments

Favorite Quote:
A word to the wise ain't nessecary it's the stupid ones that need the advise

Just in case you didn't read the description this is just an idea!!! not the real story i was hoping that sombody could give me suggestions before i begin to write!!


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