The escape of elphie: intro

June 12, 2010
I am a Nympha from the Naias troupe. Or as you would probably say, I am an Elvin Fay from the water tribe. Ah what the heck I'm an elf okay? Well sort of a mix of faerie and elf. My name is Elfrea meaning "Elvin power" but I'm mostly just called Elfie. I was born from the ruling elf troupe, the only heir to the throne. Something you should probably know , all look pretty much the same: really tall, super thin with very little muscle that you can see, sharp and angular, but beautiful faces, graceful beyond belief, blue eyes and straight blonde hair that reaches the lower back at its shortest. The "perfect image of beauty". But somehow I am not like them.

I am well muscled (you know, as far as women go.) , only five feet and nine inches tall as opposed to the normal six foot six, curvy figured with a little meat on my bones, and green eyed. And unlike my blonde haired people, I have blood-red, extremely curly hair that reaches my mid back. I also have special gifts, my people can manipulate the mist, the magical source of life, according to their "tribe" or troupe, water can bend water and so on with earth, air, fire, and being. Being manipulators can heal and are from the night troupe.

I can manipulate all of them: water, fire, earth, air, and being. I am not the first to master all of the components of the mist, there has been at least one every generation. The strange thing about me is that I can manipulate soul. Thoughts, emotions, fears, lusts, wants, and movements are all part of soul.

You'd think that all of this power is an awesome gift right? Wrong, my parents were ashamed and frightened of me because of my appearance and powers, they mined all of the larthian crystal they could and built a chamber, or rather a cell, for me. The crystal is the only thing that can block the mist. So I have been locked in this room my whole life.

But tomorrow I'm getting out.

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This article has 14 comments. Post your own now!

thepreechyteenager said...
Sept. 21, 2010 at 6:06 am

For most of your story I was intrigued, there are far too little people who get the difference betweed elvin people. faeries, nadaids, nymphs ect ect

When you started laying out the character of elphie, though, I got a little dissapointed.  She had all the possible benefits of her race, and no drawbacks.  She can manipulate all of the common elements, and a special one of her own.  She's just too perfect to be able to relate to or to like.  I'd recommend intr... (more »)

mudpuppy said...
Jul. 17, 2010 at 12:51 pm
I like the fact that she been imprison and is going to escape herself instead of someone else releasing her. And the ending can really hook you.
aub13zzz said...
Jul. 4, 2010 at 12:01 pm
i really loved it! it was very well thought out and creative! please, continue to write the story! i loved it and i want to read more!!!
Inherinerd replied...
Jul. 6, 2010 at 8:44 am
Thank you!!
Bassoonkelley This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 25, 2010 at 9:23 am
Your writing style and your story line are immensely creative! However, I would like to see more artistry put into your work - more metaphors, adjectives that add detail to the surroundings. I felt like, while reading this, a lot of it was just factual information while what I was craving was some big, juicy fiction. Nice start, you've got a lot of potential!
Inherinerd replied...
Jun. 25, 2010 at 9:32 am
that wasn't the actual story yet i was just trying to see what people thought of the idea but thank you for the feedback!:)
Michaela S. said...
Jun. 23, 2010 at 11:28 am
First off, I LOVE the last line. It adds the perfect cliffhanger, yet ends this intro. nicely. Great work there! Interesting idea you have here. Watch out for the stereotypical start to a first person story though. Almost all first-person stories start off with "I." Just a heads up in the future. If you follow this, you will have yet another edge to your stories that everyone will love!
Inherinerd replied...
Jun. 24, 2010 at 9:24 pm
This isn't a story it's an idea that I wanted to ask people about but thanks for the advise!!
Inherinerd said...
Jun. 17, 2010 at 9:51 am
Okay i've changed it to she can only manipulate soul and that nobody has mastered all of the other ones before. And the only reason i called them tribes was because that was one of the names for a group of elves, along with troupe so i used both.
JohnWallOfTheWizards replied...
Jun. 19, 2010 at 12:15 am
The only thing that struck me as Avatar last airbender is one every generation and you put water fire earth air together, that kinda reminds me of the title sequence for avatar Long ago blah blah blah only the Avatar master of all elements blah blah blah hunred yars past new avatar next gen starts. wOOOOHOOOO. It seems very interesting and I see a distinction between the two. look forward to reading more.
JohnWallOfTheWizards replied...
Jun. 19, 2010 at 12:22 am
Oh yeah you like Skillet sweet have you heard the album awake yet, i love monster and hero.
Inherinerd replied...
Jun. 19, 2010 at 2:58 pm
no i haven't heard that one yet, i'll be sure to look it up!
Cooling_Fever said...
Jun. 17, 2010 at 7:34 am
It sounds a lot like 'The Last Airbender' to me. Almost exactly. First you got the tribes about water, air, earth, and fire, the only new one is night. Then elphie mastered them all and their is one of her kind each generation. Thats avatar stuff. Try changing it so it does not sound like avatar.
Inherinerd said...
Jun. 16, 2010 at 5:04 am
Just in case you didn't read the description this is just an idea!!! not the real story i was hoping that sombody could give me suggestions before i begin to write!!
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