Magazine, website & books written by teens since 1989

Dragons of Anbiru (Preface and Chapter 1)

Preface

A battle was fought between many: dragons, the old Anbiru, assassins, and even the emperor himself. This very battle went on for days. It was almost a month before the fights and killing stopped. It seemed to late thought. Most people couldn't do anything for their homes, and villages were destroyed. Even the castle had little left to stand for. The end of the world was probably better than that very war.

Years of rebuilding took place and many emperors tried to bring Anbiru back to its full power. Many failed but some got them a little farther to where they use to be. It was almost four ears before Anbiru found a new emperor who was greater than all before him. He was thought to change the world. As was his future daughter. There would be no more war for those to dread upon. That was when the place known as Anbiru changed into a glorious place.
±‡±±‡±
A new ruler has taken over Anbiru. Nikku and Arissa, emperor and emperor's wife, are the rulers of what could become one of the world's greatest places.

A year after Nikku and Arissa took power; Arissa gave birth to a lovely daughter. They named their baby girl Hamako. They thought she was the best thing in the world, even better then the land they ruled. That was saying a lot considering by this time their kingdom was great. The castle was towering over the cities it surrounded and people gave them much respect. Like they always dreamed. Hamako was going to rule after them and make the land even better than what it would be at the end of Nikku's rein.

They always saw her as the heir to the throne, but as Hamako grew older she resented the idea. She didn't want to be forced to take control and be followed by knights all day. She just wanted freedom. She just didn't realize it would be so hard to get.

Chapter 1

Hamako, only 16, was in the court yard wearing her nice emerald dress. It was one that most in the town could be seen wearing, but it was causal to her. Her chestnut brown hair was wavy and her chocolate brown eyes were looking up at the sky. She was dreaming of flying. To her parents it seemed to be all she dreamt or thought about, and that worried them. Day in and day out they reminded her that in two years she would be sitting on the throne ruling all of Anbiru.

Most would be ecstatic but not Hamako. The thought of ruling a small village let alone a whole country made her feel ill. She was really shy and most knew this. The fact that she was shy didn't help the idea of growing up to rule.

Hamako stopped thinking about it because it was never fun to think about bad things. Instead she went back to the thought of flying. Her day dreaming took her to the sky. She could feel the wetness of the clouds on her skin.

Quickly, her thoughts were interrupted by someone calling her. Coming back to reality she realized it was her father's head knight, Johnathon.

"Lady Hamako, your father wishes your presence." He said extending his hand to her.

Like she was taught, she took his hand. She wasn't much a lady, so unlike most that would stay silent or ask everyday questions she asked, "Do you know what it is this time?' Her father called for her almost every day about her behavior or to get her ready to take the throne.

"Sorry milady, he never said." He said as they made it to the double doors to the Great Hall. The doors quickly opened when the guard noticed that Hamako and Johnathon had returned.

When the doors were fully open Hamako saw her father and mother sitting on their thrones. She grimaced as the thoughts came back of her sitting on the very same thrones soon enough. Of course that thought led to another. The thought that she needed to find a lover to fill the other throne. She spent months in the market with her mother looking for any ideas of men to be her lover, and she saws none mature enough but yet fun loving to fill the spot. Stories made finding love one of the easiest things in the world, but she realized the truth behind that. It was probably one of the hardest things, next to ruling a country of course.

As the thoughts continued in her head she heard her father, Nikku, speak first. "Hamako, I was hoping to talk to you about your taking the throne." He said in his normal calm tone.

"Not again..." She muttered under her breath hoping no one heard her and luckily no one said anything about the remark. She then decided to add, "What concerns you today, father?" She asked kindly.

Her father smiled think she was so happy to be there talking, not knowing what she really thought about it all. "Well, your mother is concerned about you not bothering to chose someone you want to love." He said almost turning worried himself.

Hamako knew where this was heading. It was going to become a giant lecture on why it is important for her to find somebody to love and take the throne alongside her. She would then ignore them and the next day she would hear about it once again. If she was lucky her mother wouldn't insist on going to the market again for another useless look at men.

Instead of her father talking her mother spoke. "Hamako, dear, you are running out of time to chose. Today you must go to the market, alone, and have a look." Her mother said then waved her off.

She pretended to smile and her mother and father then said, "As you wish." Before she turned around.

"Milady," Johnathon said as he stuck his hand out once again to escort her out of the Great Hall. Like she always did, especially when her parents were around, she took his hand. She could see that Johnathon knew how much she hated this and wished he could have protested if he didnt love his job so much.

They walked out slowly and once they were towards the double doors once again she asked, "Do you think they will ever figure out how much I hate this?" She asked more like someone from the market, rather than a young lady about to take the throne.

Johnathon surged not so sure himself. He then added quietly, so the king wouldn't hear, "If they knew I would know. They would let you do as you wished if they realized, or they would still force you either way." He said with a grin. She hated when he did that to her. Giving her the good and the bad when he didn't really know and he never did just say he didn't know.

Once out of the Great Hall Johnathon said good-bye and went back to Nikku to see what else needed done. Hamako groaned and started out of the castle. Her luck had done her wrong like always.

Today was going to be like every other day. She was going to be stuck doing what her father and mother wished. Like always she was going to have no fun, or was she.



Join the Discussion


This article has 22 comments. Post your own!

KK2013This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 6, 2010 at 9:50 pm:

Hm, very interesting. Kind of a classic beginning, young royalty that isnt happy with ___ (fill in the blank)

You tell the story a lot more than you show it, starting a lot of your senses with a name and then what they did... dont worry, i do it too! its easy to fix, just stop every now and then and look back on what you wrote and switch some of the words around.

Interesting concept though so far!

 
Shoka_no_sanraizu replied...
Jul. 7, 2010 at 10:47 am :
Yeah I know I use the word she a lot and I am trying to stop which I havent dont it as much as I woked farther into the story. I will go back through and fix that, thanks.
 
mudpuppy replied...
Jul. 11, 2010 at 5:47 pm :
I agree the story does seems interesting! I would like to know what happens once she goes to the market by herself. ;)
 
Shoka_no_sanraizu replied...
Jul. 13, 2010 at 2:30 am :
Well I am trying to get my microsoft word to work on my computer so I can post it on here so you will have to wait a while. Sorry
 
mudpuppy replied...
Jul. 13, 2010 at 8:17 am :
Do you have word processor? I use that instead of microsoft because my warranty on it expire.
 
Shoka_no_sanraizu replied...
Jul. 14, 2010 at 10:39 am :
No I dont have processor, Maybe I should think about it. Yeah my free trial expired so now we have to get money to buy it.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
gymbabe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 6, 2010 at 5:59 pm:
This was a very good piece, very intriguing.  There are a few things that could be fixed up, but they've already been said.  I'm sure once you edit it, they'll already be fixed.  I really enjoyed your plot, it was nice and interesting--hope you bring the dragons back, which I'm guessing you do, judging by the title.  LOVE dragons:)Excellent job.
 
Shoka_no_sanraizu replied...
Jul. 7, 2010 at 10:46 am :
Yes I bring the dragons back, they are a big part in the story and thanks for the comment
 
gymbabe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 7, 2010 at 3:22 pm :
No problem:)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
EllieK. said...
Jul. 2, 2010 at 7:13 pm:
Only one thing that I think I would change. Take out the "or was she" at the ending. That phrase is just way to0 overused. Other than that I really liked it and thought it was AMAZING!
 
Shoka_no_sanraizu replied...
Jul. 4, 2010 at 12:13 pm :
Thanks, I have been working on the preface so by the end of the book I will have changed the preface completly but thanks for the tip.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
AvengedJasonFold said...
Jun. 15, 2010 at 4:11 pm:

Honest feedback:

After glancing at everyone else's comments, it seems that they've said everything for me. The "overdone" theme is well... I mean who cares if it's overdone? You made it your own and you like it so it's fine. Everything about this story reminds me of Manga stuff, particularly the Fire Emblem video games (which always feature in some way or another, a war with dragons) which are a HUGE inspiration for me as a writer. The good intentions of the rulers in the FE ser... (more »)

 
Shoka_no_sanraizu replied...
Jun. 28, 2010 at 10:14 am :
Thanks I can see what you mean about how it makes you feel. I was working on the story over vacation and I kind of edited the preface so it doesnt seemed rushed so maybe I can try to put it on here some how so you can read it. Thanks for reading it though.
 
AvengedJasonFold replied...
Jun. 29, 2010 at 9:11 am :
No problem. take your time with it. maybe take a week off from it and then come back to edit it. your only job is to enjoy everything about writing it :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
SUPERMANDwightHowardThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 14, 2010 at 10:03 pm:

There were a couple of grammatical mistakes however frankly I care nothing about that, i loved it. I read a little of the middle to see if it was worth reading and I was thinking to my self, this is so cliche, but when i read it, it seemed to click, banangela29 is right about the topic being overused but I honestly plan to read more anyway.

 

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Shoka_no_sanraizu said...
Jun. 14, 2010 at 12:12 pm:
Thanks everybody. When I go and edit my work at the end I will make sure to keep what you all said in mind.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Inherinerd said...
Jun. 12, 2010 at 5:37 pm:
I like the time era and the setting. Your writing is good but could use a bit more description! Keep writing!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
banangela29 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 12, 2010 at 12:02 pm:

I agree with roxymutt, the story would be ten times better with more careful word choice. At times the sentence phrasing was awkward, i.e. "She asked more like someone from the market rather than a young lady about to take the throne", should be something more along the lines of "She asked, sounding like a commoner rather than a young lady about to take the throne".

I think your story line girl-to-be-ruler-but-hates-it-and-doesnt-want-to-find-a-husband is a touch overused but with a li... (more »)

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
roxymutt said...
Jun. 12, 2010 at 11:24 am:
ok so i liked the idea but i think your word choice needed some maturing :) at some points the details would be great but then the next sentence might be "she got this" instead of "she recieved the object"...otherwise it was good :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
burnt-toast said...
Jun. 12, 2010 at 5:59 am:
this was really great... I don't normally go in for the fantasy genre, but the way you described things and the story made me want to read more, excellent :)!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Site Feedback