The Others (Chapter One)

May 29, 2010
By _Mags_ SILVER, Somewhere, North Carolina
_Mags_ SILVER, Somewhere, North Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 436 comments

Favorite Quote:
- I stare danger in the face and giggle
- Never argue with an idiot, people might not know the difference
-R.A.P (Retards Attempting Poetry)
-Tip Cologne ryhmes with alone


I couldn’t see anything. Not the trees that scraped my arms as I managed to run through the forest. Not the strange men awaiting my death. And just now, my two brothers.

“You freakin jerks have nothing else better to do huh?” I screamed, a sharp edge sounded in my usually calm voice.

I gulped lungfuls of air. Run Lana run. Come on can’t I run any faster?

My legs were being scratched to ribbons by the low branches of trees. My feet hit every bump on the ground as I pounced through the woods. My lungs cried out for air. I can deal with all of that as long as I get out of this mess.

“You’re not going to get away this time Other,” His deep voice almost boiled, but yet he sounded like he was pleased by my torture.

C**p. C**p. C**p, C**p. I have to get out of this. The heavy footsteps of gangsters grew louder. I was completely lost, but still my arms pumped. My feet pounded the ground faster with every step. I have to outrun them. I just have to.

These jerks are constantly after me and my two older brothers, Nate and Daniel. In short we can’t escape from them, as simple as that. You’d think being different would be cool. Well being special isn’t always going to cut it in this world.

The crack of a gun shot left me dead in my tracks. Who let them have a gun?

My eyes widened. I badly wanted to close them so I could convince
myself that nothing is happening, but they wouldn‘t. I knew death was about to wash over me. Nothing other then fear showed on my face. I was not shocked. I was not upset. Some things you have to accept.

That only made me run faster.

I may be an Other but I’m not superman I can’t run out a speeding bullet.

Another bang from the shot gun sent my ears screaming for mercy. Without thought, the wind was stolen out of my body and a sudden sheering pain appeared. I looked around my shoulder, my feet never even once stopped running for their life. Bright red blood trickled down my once yellow shirt.

I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until I was gasping for air. The cool damp grass sat below my blooded head. “There you are you maggot.” Three gangsters stood in front of me. Bloodlust showed in their eyes. One of them watched me. A crooked smile slowly formed on his face when he saw the blood pour onto on the now red grass. An icy, hard muzzle pressed against my forehead. Trickles sweat trailing behind it.

“You think you can escape us? If you keep acting like that, I’ll just go ahead and kill you.” The feeling of terror ran down my spine set flames along my nervous thoughts. I pressed my hand to my chest to see if anything was broken. Only some cracked rips nothing serious, I thought to myself. But if they actually think they can leave me here like this, they got another thing coming. But is too late the darkness was already closing in.

No noise could be heard but my beating heart

NO,” a strikingly familiar voice roared. Nate. Daniel. I would have cried out to them but all I could do was stare into the deepening black…


The author's comments:
-tell me what you think, and thank you for reading this as well-
I know the chapter is short, o'm sorry bout that. Now i just hope i can find a better title other then: "The Others"

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This article has 37 comments.


_Mags_ SILVER said...
on Oct. 1 2010 at 3:13 pm
_Mags_ SILVER, Somewhere, North Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 436 comments

Favorite Quote:
- I stare danger in the face and giggle
- Never argue with an idiot, people might not know the difference
-R.A.P (Retards Attempting Poetry)
-Tip Cologne ryhmes with alone

haha i know, all of the escrepts are spread throughout the story (so far i'm past page 320 or so)

on Sep. 30 2010 at 11:13 pm
Plush_Baneling BRONZE, Denver, Colorado
2 articles 0 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I will devour the world, after that the universe, and when there is nothing but me, I will devour myself"
ME!

Thanks a bunch!

_Mags_ SILVER said...
on Sep. 30 2010 at 3:24 pm
_Mags_ SILVER, Somewhere, North Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 436 comments

Favorite Quote:
- I stare danger in the face and giggle
- Never argue with an idiot, people might not know the difference
-R.A.P (Retards Attempting Poetry)
-Tip Cologne ryhmes with alone

this is the order on teenink, if you are talking about the order of the excrepts i hae posted: The Others chapter 1, The others part 2, An it, and me against the world part 1& part 2 (all of them skip around the book) and thank you

on Sep. 29 2010 at 10:08 pm
Plush_Baneling BRONZE, Denver, Colorado
2 articles 0 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I will devour the world, after that the universe, and when there is nothing but me, I will devour myself"
ME!

What order do these go in? Also, keep up the good work, you may be a famous writer some day

_Mags_ SILVER said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 10:23 pm
_Mags_ SILVER, Somewhere, North Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 436 comments

Favorite Quote:
- I stare danger in the face and giggle
- Never argue with an idiot, people might not know the difference
-R.A.P (Retards Attempting Poetry)
-Tip Cologne ryhmes with alone

thank you, and i know what you mean about that sentance - and sure i'll read some of the reaper series.

We-R-3 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 10:03 pm
We-R-3 BRONZE, Orlando, Florida
1 article 0 photos 344 comments

Favorite Quote:
A picture is worth a thousand words, however it takes a real artist to turn words into pictures.

Have you heard about the new Lebron Iphone, you have to set it on vibrate because it doesn't have any rings

I like this peice. The dioalouge is interesting, and the description is superb. one thing i notice is that you said. "Trickles sweat trailing behind it."

Shouldn't that be Trickling sweat trailes behind it." Just wondering.

I was planning on reading more of this piece I was wondering if you could read some of my reapers series. especially part 5 just got posted.


_Mags_ SILVER said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 6:29 pm
_Mags_ SILVER, Somewhere, North Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 436 comments

Favorite Quote:
- I stare danger in the face and giggle
- Never argue with an idiot, people might not know the difference
-R.A.P (Retards Attempting Poetry)
-Tip Cologne ryhmes with alone

thank you, i posted 2 more chapters from the story if you want to read them

on Jul. 19 2010 at 4:39 pm
xcrayolaxstormx SILVER, Coventry, Rhode Island
5 articles 0 photos 88 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't worry about it." -V.Z.

Real cliffhanger! Well done. I liked it. Keep it up :)

_Mags_ SILVER said...
on Jul. 15 2010 at 9:31 pm
_Mags_ SILVER, Somewhere, North Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 436 comments

Favorite Quote:
- I stare danger in the face and giggle
- Never argue with an idiot, people might not know the difference
-R.A.P (Retards Attempting Poetry)
-Tip Cologne ryhmes with alone

thank you =)

on Jul. 15 2010 at 9:27 pm
taylorf463 GOLD, Marion, Kentucky
13 articles 0 photos 152 comments

Favorite Quote:
If he'll lie for you, he'll lie to you.

An ending was an ending. No matter how many pages of sentences and paragraphs of great stories let up to it, it would always had the last word.

This is nice. You are able to put excellent character voice into the characters and I love this. Excellent. :)

_Mags_ SILVER said...
on Jul. 14 2010 at 12:11 pm
_Mags_ SILVER, Somewhere, North Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 436 comments

Favorite Quote:
- I stare danger in the face and giggle
- Never argue with an idiot, people might not know the difference
-R.A.P (Retards Attempting Poetry)
-Tip Cologne ryhmes with alone

haha thanks, and i'm still working on the showing thing

on Jul. 9 2010 at 1:26 pm
MyConstRuctd_IdentiTy SILVER, Chardon, Ohio
7 articles 56 photos 367 comments

Favorite Quote:
"One heartbeat."

"Our scars remind us of where we've been; they don't dictate where we're going."
-SSA David Rossi, Criminal Minds

I totally agree with you on that! Half of my story is in italics, because one of my main characters is in a dream. The way you could tell, was because it was in italics. Now it just sort of seems out of place.

_Mags_ SILVER said...
on Jul. 8 2010 at 3:13 pm
_Mags_ SILVER, Somewhere, North Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 436 comments

Favorite Quote:
- I stare danger in the face and giggle
- Never argue with an idiot, people might not know the difference
-R.A.P (Retards Attempting Poetry)
-Tip Cologne ryhmes with alone

thanks, and yeah that would make a lot more since if they let you use italics

on Jul. 8 2010 at 2:59 pm
Arluanna PLATINUM, Broken Arrow, Oklahoma
31 articles 2 photos 99 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Mwahahahahaha! Now you are mine, Lesley-Bird, finally, at last, in my... oh, drat, forgot it had wings...”

-Phil, the youngest Kalins Uzin

Awesome! Pretty well written besides a few run-ons and other similar things that've already been mentioned, and probably a bit of that is b/c of italicizing. I had  a problem with that in my Minder's Liberation story because Teenink doesn't put in italics. Silly editors. But I'm headed to check out the second part!

on Jul. 4 2010 at 10:11 pm
Music4Life GOLD, Duluth, Minnesota
15 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is a complicated journey. It's like you're on a roller coaster and you have a blind fold on so that you can't see the twists and turns that are up ahead."

This is super catchy!! I totally want to know more. =) But yeah, do more "showing" what's happening. But a very awesome start. =)

_Mags_ SILVER said...
on Jul. 4 2010 at 9:56 pm
_Mags_ SILVER, Somewhere, North Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 436 comments

Favorite Quote:
- I stare danger in the face and giggle
- Never argue with an idiot, people might not know the difference
-R.A.P (Retards Attempting Poetry)
-Tip Cologne ryhmes with alone

thanks, and i started editing it like that after i posted this haha

on Jul. 4 2010 at 5:43 pm
IsobelFree DIAMOND, Hamilton, Other
71 articles 20 photos 298 comments

Favorite Quote:
"As long as there is open road, the familiar has the most formidable competitor." - Anonymous

This is really cool - I want to know what the Others are! One suggestion would be to not "tell" the reader what's happening - "show" him what's happening by describing more! Good job though! :)

P.S. Have you read Maximum Ride? Cuz this reminds me a bit of that :)


on Jun. 28 2010 at 12:15 am
StandardToaster PLATINUM, Pasadena, California
20 articles 0 photos 210 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy ever minute of it."

this is very captivating!  I am really intruiged to find out who these "Others" are!  My only suggestion would be to use more juicy adjectives to really set the scene in the reader's mind, but other than that, I LOVED IT!!!

on Jun. 27 2010 at 9:54 pm
cyanidesun BRONZE, Atascadero, California
1 article 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
It is the eye of ignorance that assigns a fixed and unchangeable color to every object; beware of this stumbling block. -Paul Gauguin

Very good job grabbing the reader's attention strait away. I love the tone. You only have a few issue's with the use of commas and things, but that just requires a little proofreading. I also agree with Bassoonkelley, the story needs a bit more concrete description; it helps the reader become more deeply involved with what's going on. Lastly, clean up the wording just a little bit more, just to make it sound a little more professional is all. Other than that, great job! I'm excited to see what you will do with this story. :)

_Mags_ SILVER said...
on Jun. 25 2010 at 9:57 am
_Mags_ SILVER, Somewhere, North Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 436 comments

Favorite Quote:
- I stare danger in the face and giggle
- Never argue with an idiot, people might not know the difference
-R.A.P (Retards Attempting Poetry)
-Tip Cologne ryhmes with alone

thank you, for the advice as well


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