The Others (Chapter One)

May 29, 2010
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I couldn’t see anything. Not the trees that scraped my arms as I managed to run through the forest. Not the strange men awaiting my death. And just now, my two brothers.

“You freakin jerks have nothing else better to do huh?” I screamed, a sharp edge sounded in my usually calm voice.

I gulped lungfuls of air. Run Lana run. Come on can’t I run any faster?

My legs were being scratched to ribbons by the low branches of trees. My feet hit every bump on the ground as I pounced through the woods. My lungs cried out for air. I can deal with all of that as long as I get out of this mess.

“You’re not going to get away this time Other,” His deep voice almost boiled, but yet he sounded like he was pleased by my torture.

C**p. C**p. C**p, C**p. I have to get out of this. The heavy footsteps of gangsters grew louder. I was completely lost, but still my arms pumped. My feet pounded the ground faster with every step. I have to outrun them. I just have to.

These jerks are constantly after me and my two older brothers, Nate and Daniel. In short we can’t escape from them, as simple as that. You’d think being different would be cool. Well being special isn’t always going to cut it in this world.

The crack of a gun shot left me dead in my tracks. Who let them have a gun?

My eyes widened. I badly wanted to close them so I could convince
myself that nothing is happening, but they wouldn‘t. I knew death was about to wash over me. Nothing other then fear showed on my face. I was not shocked. I was not upset. Some things you have to accept.

That only made me run faster.

I may be an Other but I’m not superman I can’t run out a speeding bullet.

Another bang from the shot gun sent my ears screaming for mercy. Without thought, the wind was stolen out of my body and a sudden sheering pain appeared. I looked around my shoulder, my feet never even once stopped running for their life. Bright red blood trickled down my once yellow shirt.

I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until I was gasping for air. The cool damp grass sat below my blooded head. “There you are you maggot.” Three gangsters stood in front of me. Bloodlust showed in their eyes. One of them watched me. A crooked smile slowly formed on his face when he saw the blood pour onto on the now red grass. An icy, hard muzzle pressed against my forehead. Trickles sweat trailing behind it.

“You think you can escape us? If you keep acting like that, I’ll just go ahead and kill you.” The feeling of terror ran down my spine set flames along my nervous thoughts. I pressed my hand to my chest to see if anything was broken. Only some cracked rips nothing serious, I thought to myself. But if they actually think they can leave me here like this, they got another thing coming. But is too late the darkness was already closing in.

No noise could be heard but my beating heart

NO,” a strikingly familiar voice roared. Nate. Daniel. I would have cried out to them but all I could do was stare into the deepening black…

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This article has 37 comments. Post your own now!

Halfing_Scribe said...
Sept. 29, 2010 at 10:08 pm
What order do these go in? Also, keep up the good work, you may be a famous writer some day
_Elsy_ replied...
Sept. 30, 2010 at 3:24 pm
this is the order on teenink, if you are talking about the order of the excrepts i hae posted: The Others chapter 1, The others part 2, An it, and me against the world part 1& part 2 (all of them skip around the book) and thank you
Halfing_Scribe replied...
Sept. 30, 2010 at 11:13 pm
Thanks a bunch!
_Elsy_ replied...
Oct. 1, 2010 at 3:13 pm
haha i know, all of the escrepts are spread throughout the story (so far i'm past page 320 or so)
JohnWallOfTheWizards said...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 10:03 pm

I like this peice. The dioalouge is interesting, and the description is superb. one thing i notice is that you said. "Trickles sweat trailing behind it."

Shouldn't that be Trickling sweat trailes behind it." Just wondering.

I was planning on reading more of this piece I was wondering if you could read some of my reapers series. especially part 5 just got posted.

_Elsy_ replied...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 10:23 pm
thank you, and i know what you mean about that sentance - and sure i'll read some of the reaper series.
xcrayolaxstormx said...
Jul. 19, 2010 at 4:39 pm
Real cliffhanger! Well done. I liked it. Keep it up :)
_Elsy_ replied...
Jul. 26, 2010 at 6:29 pm
thank you, i posted 2 more chapters from the story if you want to read them
taylorf463 said...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 9:27 pm
This is nice. You are able to put excellent character voice into the characters and I love this. Excellent. :)
_Elsy_ replied...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 9:31 pm
thank you =)
Music4Life This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 4, 2010 at 10:11 pm
This is super catchy!! I totally want to know more. =) But yeah, do more "showing" what's happening. But a very awesome start. =)
_Elsy_ replied...
Jul. 14, 2010 at 12:11 pm
haha thanks, and i'm still working on the showing thing
ThisLitIsBananas This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 4, 2010 at 5:43 pm

This is really cool - I want to know what the Others are! One suggestion would be to not "tell" the reader what's happening - "show" him what's happening by describing more! Good job though! :)

P.S. Have you read Maximum Ride? Cuz this reminds me a bit of that :)

_Elsy_ replied...
Jul. 4, 2010 at 9:56 pm
thanks, and i started editing it like that after i posted this haha
StandardToaster said...
Jun. 28, 2010 at 12:15 am
this is very captivating!  I am really intruiged to find out who these "Others" are!  My only suggestion would be to use more juicy adjectives to really set the scene in the reader's mind, but other than that, I LOVED IT!!!
cyanidesun said...
Jun. 27, 2010 at 9:54 pm
Very good job grabbing the reader's attention strait away. I love the tone. You only have a few issue's with the use of commas and things, but that just requires a little proofreading. I also agree with Bassoonkelley, the story needs a bit more concrete description; it helps the reader become more deeply involved with what's going on. Lastly, clean up the wording just a little bit more, just to make it sound a little more professional is all. Other than that, great job! I'm excited to ... (more »)
Bassoonkelley This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 25, 2010 at 9:47 am
The action and movement in your story create a lot of intrigue! The only thing I would critique is that you should add more concrete ideas - more exactness and description. What does it feel like to get shot? Muscles being torn apart, burning, does your heart beat abnormally, do you think about something in particular? A little more color and unique, awkward depiction of a situation gives it a life, gives it a heartbeat and a soul. Wonderful start, you've got a lot of talent!

Thanks, ... (more »)
_Elsy_ replied...
Jun. 25, 2010 at 9:57 am
thank you, for the advice as well
jaredwriter19 said...
Jun. 24, 2010 at 2:18 pm

This was really good, keep writing!

P.S. Thanks for reading my story :)

shywriter said...
Jun. 24, 2010 at 1:57 am
This was really good. You may want to make a little addition to the part where she gets shot, I suggest taking help from 'The Bourne Identity', the main character in that gets shot A LOT! It's your choice though. Otherwise I really liked it. 
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