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“So can we talk now?” Jay asks me, his puppy dog eyes looking extremely sad. I sigh internally. I only agreed to talk to him for longer than thirty seconds-for him that’s a miracle-because I need to lay him straight. He needs to understand our situation completely. Before I avoided him, but I always knew this moment would come.
“Uh…sure,” I say. I don’t necessarily want to, but we need to get this over with. Its lunch, and I didn’t feel like eating now anyway, but I do want my free time. I have a lot on my mind, too. I close my locker and he walks me outside into the sunshine, near the beautiful fountain.
Being around Jay just brings back the horrifying memory of me seeing him cheating on me with his ex girlfriend. They were going far, too, until I stopped with cursing and yelling.
We hadn’t even been going out for that long, but I broke up with him, of course. Ever since then, he won’t leave me alone. I thought he was gonna go back to his ex, but apparently not. He keeps apologizing and begging me to come back to him, but I’m not going to budge. He broke my heart and I’m still picking up the pieces. I really liked him, but then he ruined it. Because of him, I’m reluctant to trusting any boy again with my emotions or my heart. And as for Jay, I don’t see him in my future…literally.
Not many people know this…actually, only my sister, Tia, does, but…I can see the future. Well, actually it’s premonition, but really strong premonition. I’m also telekinetic, extremely agile, and I have senses like a vampire. So when I say I don’t see Jay in my future, I really mean it.
I’ve been getting really vivid dreams lately. Not all of them have me in it, though. Sometimes not even Tia. Most of them have been scary, like the one I had last night, but some of them are hopeful. It’s hard to explain because I’m only getting glimpse and scenes and it’s kinda hard to make out things because I don’t know who everybody is or what they look like. But still…, I just feel like my life will change for the better, with some very hard challenges that must be faced, but I just don’t picture Jay in it.
“Pretty out huh?” I say, not able to bear the silence anymore. Jay nods his head smiling half heartedly, looking down at his shoes. We need to get this conversation going because the faster it starts, the faster I can end it forever.
Jay is on my mental list of most attractive boys in the school (which is what drew me near him in the first place). His chocolate skin, fresh hairline, sweet smell, crooked smile, perfectly straight white teeth, and muscular body style always blow my mind. He’s smart-not smart enough to keep me-on top of all of that and has big dreams to go into finances (so of course my dad loved him). He had such a sweet personality and had influenced me for the better, but he blew it…so now he’s not part of the plan.
Jay stops and so I do. He looks off into the distance and then meets my eyes. “I’m sorry,” he says…again.
I breathe in and out deeply. “Jay, you can say that a million times and a million times I’d forgive you, but-”
“Then what’s the problem?” he interrupts, stopping. I stop, too, and look up at him. The sun warms up my face.
“You cheated on me,” I say in an obvious tone.
“And now I know it was a mistake because all I want is you,” he says. Ugh, I can just hear the truth in his voice and that ain’t it. It took so much strength to forgive him, but I did. I had to, for my sake.
“Yeah, well, I don’t want you anymore,” I say, then I grow even more serious, “I trusted you and then you broke my heart. If you didn’t want to be with me, you could’ve just said so. You didn’t have to make it worse for making me believe that you actually loved me.”
The night we broke up I yelled this all at him along with some cussing, but he seemed to have understood then. He yelled back a little, but I guess the next day he realized what a mistake he made. Some girls would take him back, but not me. I can’t believe I didn’t see the signs, I’m such an idiot.
“I’m sorry, I was stupid. She came over and…,” he trails off, “I miss you, I miss what we had.”
“At first I did, too,” I say, “but not anymore. That night you showed your true colors and now I know who you really are. You should’ve thought about this before you did that. I’m not taking you back.”
We went out for about half of the year. He asked me to go to the movies with him in December and we spent all of winter break together. Then we kinda just went from there. Then, around the middle of April our relationship started to run its course. A while later I broke up with him. The next day I came to his house and picked up all of my stuff-the very little that was there-and dropped off all of his stuff. I thought that by me doing that, he’d get the point, but I guess not ‘cause it’s freakin’ June and he’s still talking about it!
“I can’t get my mind off of you,” he says, “I want nobody, but you. Please take me back, I’m begging you.”
“I’m still picking up the pieces because of you,” I say, getting irritated, “I cried myself to sleep because of you. Because of you, I felt like I wasn’t good enough for you and maybe not for anyone. I really thought you could be that special someone, but no. There’s no going back, you can’t erase what you did. To be truthful, I can’t stand you anymore…I…I just can’t do it. I’m sorry.”
He nods his head solemnly, but doesn’t say anything.
I think I might still feel like I’m not good enough for him or anybody else, but I didn’t wanna let him know that. Just being honest with him gives him power ‘cause now he knows how much everything he does affects me. It sucks, I know, but someone has to be honest.
“So that’s it,” I say, “Nothing more. This is goodbye.”
He doesn’t look at me so I sigh and then walk away.
I’ve been in the dating world since third grade (it was one of those crappy relationships, nothing special. No kiss and barely any hugs.). That relationship got me into the popular crowd and I’ve been there ever since-Tia and I that is. In six grade is when I got more of an official boyfriend. Our relationship lasted two months and he was too scared to kiss me so it wasn’t really anything. Then in the end of seventh grade I got my first kiss from another two month relationship. In eighth grade, I was actually allowed to date (of course I’d been doing it behind my parents back like plenty of other kids), and started doing it the old fashion way. Actually going somewhere for the date and then maybe becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. I like that way so much better, it’s more mature, and in eighth grade boys are too scared to do a lot of stuff so when a guy asked me out on a real date I knew they could have a pretty big chance.
The fact that I got into Maynard is a good thing because you have to test in…unless your parents work for the government or pay the school off big time. So most of us here are above average. A regular class here is honors anywhere else. This school is for people who are serious about their education and future. Really serious. I take AP classes here so that by the time I graduate, I’ll already have my Associates Degree.
I have an overall grade GPA of a four-point-oh, I’m a peer mediator, I run track, and I was a campaign manager for the student body elections. I put a lot on my plate, but I like to be busy.
I do many forms of dance at my mom’s famous company and I’ve been told multiple times that I’m ridiculously good. It kinda comes natural for me, but my agility helps. I did a bit of gymnastics in elementary and middle school, but it was just for fun, nothing big.
“Leah!” I hear somebody call as I walk towards the door to go back inside. I look behind me to see my four best friends coming towards me, smiling. I smile back as they reach me.
“We’ve been looking all over for you,” Alexa, AKA: Lexi, says.
Alexa went through the horrors of foster care with me, but then the blessing of adoption. We’ve been best friends for years. I met Payton when I first went to ballet in, like, third grade. She’s the dancer of the group. I met Lizzie in sixth grade and helped her find herself. She was a mess when I found her, but we both taught each other stuff. As for Kyla, she’s the all-star athlete (except for track) and does every sport out there. I met her in sixth grade, too.
“Yeah, I text you, but you didn’t answer,” Payton says, “Where is your phone?”
“Wait, did I just see you talking to Jay over there?” Lizzie asks.
“Ugh, God, I hope not,” Kyla says. She slaps her forehead with her hand.
“Ok, ok! One question or comment at a time!” I say, and then I sigh. I explain my situation with Jay to them.
“Oh,” they all say in unison.
“Yeah, oh,” I say, “Now, let’s go inside. He is now behind me, a figment of the past.”
Now if only the past wouldn’t haunt me.