The Little Mermaid | Teen Ink

The Little Mermaid

January 31, 2010
By lemon GOLD, Kula, Hawaii
lemon GOLD, Kula, Hawaii
16 articles 2 photos 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
"every word was once a poem."


Deep beneath the inky green sea, she dances among the willowy soft seaweed, more elegantly then a seal, whose shiny cold skin is suited to the task of enchantment. Even so, she dances, slicing and seperating the water behinds her into swirlpools of excited air bubbles and loose sand sprayed out like glitter. She loves the water, and takes in deep breaths of it, her paper-thin ivory gills quivering. Fish scurry nervously in her presence, simultaniously frightened and curious. Fish, small and bland enough not to be noticed, swarm in her hair, which is as long and tangled as kelp. Other fish swarm, hiding in the shadow of her, looking up, pleased with themselves at their cunning. Beautiful smooth stones roll along the ocean bed as she rushes by. She closes her eyes, as she manuvers through the currents, and the stifled rays of sun, that somehow find their way into the thick dark grey waters near the end of the sea.



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This article has 3 comments.


on Mar. 2 2010 at 9:29 pm
AlexGS<3 BRONZE, Jacksonville, Florida
1 article 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
Whoever said sunshine brings happiness, has never danced in the rain. <3

I adore the feeling of prescence I get when I read this. I can almost feel myself sink into the depths with your description. The only thing I really recommend is naming specific fish, maybe to help the "fish" situation. :)

lemon said...
on Feb. 26 2010 at 2:59 pm
thanks for the feedback, much appreciated. i understant your point with the 'fish'

on Feb. 26 2010 at 12:32 pm
Fireflie BRONZE, Danville, Pennsylvania
4 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and wonder how the heck you did it.

I love the description in this! expand it please? this has good potential to be something more, if you wanted it to be. There was only one thing i found in this, and it was small. When you talk about the fish, you use the word "fish" several times close together. Space 'em out or find a synonym, and this will be absolutely perfecto! : D