Monster Hunting on 50 Dollars a Day.

November 8, 2009
By Walker King BRONZE, Clackamas, Oregon
Walker King BRONZE, Clackamas, Oregon
2 articles 0 photos 4 comments

The profession of Monster Hunter of “Paranormal Exterminator” is one that has undergone tumultuous changes over the past century. Gone are the days of Counts launching Vampire killing salvos from the safety and comfort of their own castle deep in the Black Forest. The modern Monster Hunter must be a savvy shopper and a wise investor as well as a martial arts expert and champion marksman. We have compiled this book to help you save money as you save the world from the dark forces of Satan.

Travel Tips: -Holy water is indispensable, but it’s also heavy. Consider obtaining some at your destination to save on extra baggage fees.
-Make sure to pack stakes and other sharp objects, as well as all firearms and ammunition in your main luggage and not as a carry-on. It may make you vulnerable on the flight but will save you the prison sentence. However, pack a small, easily conceivable weapon just in case.
-Fly during the day, lessening your chance of hostile encounters while unarmed.
-Do not travel by train; its ease and economy are offset by its prime murder setting.

On Your Trip
In this, the most important section of our guide, we outline some advice you might want to follow while visiting the countries listed below. It may end up saving you money and your soul.

Indonesia: The Indonesian Vampire, or Manananggal is a potent adversary, and one that many westerners will be unused to dealing with. Make sure to keep healthy while you’re there so a Manananggal does not descend upon you as you sleep, using its long proboscis to suck out your heart or liver. Also purchase food from street carts instead of more expensive restaurants.

Siberia: Nothing is more important as you track werewolves in Easter Russia than having lightweight, durable, camping gear. We recommend army surplus for its good quality at low cost. Also notice that the long winter nights mean an extended full moon, plan accordingly.

Kenya: The Maasai tribe of Kenya has been fighting the roving zombie hordes of the Serengeti for centuries. Take the opportunity to learn from them, a much more cost-effective alternative than paying for classes. Also take part in any shamanistic rituals that could give you the spiritual edge over evil.

Romania: In this, the ancestral home of the European Vampire, several precautions are necessary, have a trusted partner to watch your back, travel by day only, and stay in youth hostels for affordability, even at the sacrifice of luxury.

Scotland: The bogs and swamps of Scotland are positively ridden with swamp things, and the occasional kappa, an invasive Japanese species. In some counties there is even a bounty of Kappa heads. Make sure to invest in good, water-proof boots, but shy away from Gore-Tex when classic mink oil works just as well. Don’t buy into tours of the infamous Loch Ness. The “Loch Ness Monster” is truly a dinosaur, and not worthy of your time and resources.

Louisiana: In the bayous of the Mississippi delta lives the Loup-Garou, A malicious wolfish sorcerer from Creole myth. Tracking and destroying him will take all your cunning and training. Seek out advice from any wizened voodoo women, and avoid groups of teenagers on spring break.

Brazil: The Feathered Serpent Gods or Tlahuizcalpantecuhtli inspired sacrifices among the Aztec people for centuries. Restricted to the deeps of the Amazon Jungle by Spanish efforts, they must remain constricted. A good sturdy machete also purchased from military surplus, is key.

Vanuatu: This small island in the South Pacific is notable for both its large amount of active volcanoes and it’s proximity to the sleeping Eldritch God Cthulhu. Unfortunately, little can be done to rid the world of The Great Old Ones permanently, but feel free to join in the 24/7 prayer circle that keeps the god asleep.

We hope you have found this book useful, and will apply the things you learned here to other circumstances in your quest for the final destruction of all hell spawn.

The author's comments:
The idea popped into my head fully formed. We weren't doing anything in English so I just wrote it up the.

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