Hidden City, Part Two

September 30, 2009
By AspireToInspire SILVER, Thornville, Ohio
AspireToInspire SILVER, Thornville, Ohio
8 articles 2 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Praepartur animus contra omnia. ♥


Sirens blared above me. There was no time to try anything now. I yanked the handcuffs as hard as I could. They grew tighter and tighter around my wrists, until I thought that they would sever my hands completely off. I could feel the gashes in my skin at the edge of the shackles, but I tugged harder still. The pain was unbearable, and the sirens were unceasing. I was afraid that someone would come and find me before I got a chance to see Felix.

All of a sudden, the metal cuffs snapped and fell to the ground. The pressure of my resistance was just too much for them.
I didn’t waste any time in scrambling through the window. Silently I hurried down the hallway glancing at each door number one by one. Finally I found 658: the room my brother and I slept in. One other person, Basil, stayed in that room with us, but he was usually a sound sleeper. The door opened without a sound.
“Felix?” I tiptoed to the mat my brother slept on. A tiny lump was curled up in the center of it.
I dropped to my knees and shook the lump. “Felix. Felix, wake up.”
The figure stretched and yawned. “Victor? Victor!” Felix threw his skinny arms around my neck and pressed his face against my chest. “I was so scared! I thought they had gotten you!”
I grabbed his arms and sat him back down. “Felix, listen,” I whispered. “You need to be quiet. We have to go now.”
Felix wasn’t listening. Instead, he was staring at my hands. “What happened to your wrists?” I guess they looked worse than I thought.

“Don’t worry about it. Felix, we need to go.”

“Go where?”

I pulled him to his feet. “Away,” I answered. “Come now. No more questions.”

“Are you just going to leave us?” A voice came from the corner. “Me and everyone else?” Basil was awake. That was not something I had counted on.

Not like I had a plan anyway.

“No. I mean, yes. I mean, I have to leave, and I’m taking Felix with me.”

“And you’re just leaving us to die?”

This hurt me. I didn’t want to leave Basil, but I had to. I only had a little time, and he was weak. I knelt next to him.

“I’ll send help. I swear to you. I’ll get you out. I’ll get everyone out. I promise. But I have to leave now, and I can’t leave my brother.”

“Who will help?” Basil whispered. “Where will you go? There’s nowhere to go. No one to help. We’re all alone.”

“No,” I objected, laying my hand on his shoulder. “We are not alone. I know it. I’ll find someone. I’ll get you out of here.”

Basil hesitated, then nodded. “Go,” he said. “They’re looking for you.”

I smiled. “Thank you, Basil.” I stood up and walked over to the doorway where Felix waited for me, tears in his eyes. “Come on,” I whispered to him, grabbing his hand and dragging him down the hallway. The sirens grew louder as we neared the outside.

When we reached the window, I could hear the pounding of shoes on concrete. It abruptly stopped right on the other side of the wall.

“Did he escape? Did you find him?”

“No, but chances are he didn’t escape either. He’s still in the city.” Two guards, discussing me. I held my breath. “This is his building, and this window is where he was caught sneaking in. We also found his handcuffs. If he’s in this building, he has to come out sometime, and we have all exits blocked.”

“He got the cuffs off?” The guard sounded astounded.

“Yep. Tricky character, this one. But we’ve got him cornered.”

“You’re sure he’s in there?”

“No doubt in my mind.”

I thought for a second. Picking up a large rock, I turned to Felix. My voice was hardly even a whisper. “Listen. When the guard leaves, go out the window and escape. Use the hole to the outside. If I’m not out a few minutes after you, or if they follow you, I want you to run. Just run as fast as you can and as far as you can. If you find other people outside, tell them about the city and get help for everyone else. Do you understand?”

Felix’s face was streaked with tears. “But, Victor-“

“Do you understand?” I repeated, more sternly this time.

Felix nodded silently and went to stand by the window to be ready. I straightened up and focused on a window on the other side of the room. I aimed, wound up, and threw the rock as hard as I could against the window. The glass shattered, shards scattering everywhere. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Felix clamber through the window. That meant the guards were gone. I ran and nearly jumped out the window after Felix.
When I landed, I didn’t see him. He must’ve followed my instructions. I picked myself up and ran as fast as I could toward my escape. I squeezed through the gap in the rock. Felix was waiting for me on the other side, his shoulders slumped and head down. I drew him into a huge hug. His tears soaked into my Uniform and I tightened my hold on him. “Everything’s going to be okay,” I lied. “I promise.”
“I found them!” a voice called in the darkness. A spotlight settled on us, and I could hear footsteps running toward the wall.
I grabbed Felix’s hand and started to run. I didn’t know where we were running to. I just knew that we had to run.
Dozens of guards followed us through the darkness which was occasionally illuminated by a spotlight or two. They were directed by the Ambassadors, whose voices were loud and angry through speakers.
“Don’t let them escape!”
“Bring them back here now!”
“Kill them! Kill them!”
Their harsh commands rang in my ears, only fueling my speed. Felix kept up well beside me; he didn’t lag behind at all. I could be proud of him later.
I could feel the hot breath of the guards on my neck, but I could’ve been imagining it. My legs started to feel like rubber as I ran through the tall grass of the field. That I wasn’t imagining. Just as I thought that my legs would give out and we’d be caught, the shouts subsided. I could no longer hear the hammering of footsteps behind me. Had we lost them? Had they given up? I decided to find out.
When I turned around, I could see the guards, but they weren’t chasing us. Instead, they were running back toward the city. What were they running from? I couldn’t see anything frightening, other than them.
“Why are they running away?” Felix asked, shocked.
“I don’t know…” I answered. “Let’s find out.”
Felix gave me a confused look and I smiled. I took a couple of steps forward and suddenly it appeared. A city. A normal city. No stone wall surrounding it. I looked at the closest billboard. No messages. I turned back to see Felix’s reaction, only to find that he’d disappeared… along with our old city and the guards. I rushed forward, and everything reappeared again.
“Where did you go?” Felix asked anxiously. “You just vanished!”
I grabbed his hand and pulled him forward. “You have to see this.”
We took a couple of steps and the normal city was before us. Felix’s mouth dropped. “Where…? How…?”
“It’s the forcefield. They made it so that we couldn’t see the outside world… and that that outside world couldn’t see us.” I turned Felix around to where the old city was supposed to be, but wasn’t.
His confusion soon turned to rage as he started to understand the situation he had be in. “We were this far from people, from civilization, and we were forced to endure that torture because we thought that we couldn’t do anything about it?! I feel so stupid!”
“Felix, stop,” I said. “We need to get help for everyone else still stuck in there.” I started walking toward the city and Felix followed heatedly.
We entered the first building we came across: a one-story information center with flowers in every window. The woman at the desk was elderly, and she jumped out of her chair when we walked in.
I guess we were quite a sight. Our dirty, gray, jumpsuit Uniforms, the patches of hair missing from our heads, our scrawny figures. We’d stand out in any crowd.
The woman immediately started to ask questions, her expression caring and concerned. Everything burst out of me. I told her about our parents, about the city, and about how we escaped. I explained about the Countdowns, the Ambassadors, and the Testings. I tried my best to tell her about the technology, tried to make it not sound like I was crazy. I mean, it’s a little hard to believe that a concentration camp-like prison is just down the road from this happy little place.
The woman was particularly concerned about my wrists and insisted that she take me to the hospital. I agreed, too exhausted to object. At the hospital, I relayed my tale to the people there as well. Felix interjected bits of information when he could.
The people seemed to believe us. That surprised me, considering how impossible the situation seemed, even to me.
A kind nurse treated my wrists and wrapped them up, telling me that everything would be okay.
“How do you know that?” I asked her.
The nurse smiled. “I just do,” she replied. Then she stood up and walked away, leaving me with my thoughts.
Felix ran up to me and started jumping up and down beside my bed. “Guess what I just heard!” he said excitedly.
I smiled. I was glad to see Felix so happy. “What, buddy?”
“I just heard people talking about the city. They said that they’d do anything to save the rest of the people! They said that they’d even invade it themselves if they had to!” Felix beamed from ear to ear.
I processed what I just heard. They’d do anything to save them. Anything. I smiled and laid my head down on my pillow. They’d be free. We’d be free.
I closed my eyes. We’re free, I thought, finally realizing.
We’re free.


The author's comments:
This is the second part of my short story, Hidden City. It was inspired by the music video for Tokio Hotel's Ready, Set, Go! I loved the concept of a captive city, so I built on it and created this story.

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This article has 23 comments.


DaOne said...
on Oct. 24 2011 at 4:19 pm
nice story dude it is very kool and slightly heartwarming yet actiony at the same time .................... i think u shud make a novel version u wud become popular here too

on Apr. 20 2011 at 3:44 pm
AspireToInspire SILVER, Thornville, Ohio
8 articles 2 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Praepartur animus contra omnia. ♥

Thank you for thinking so. I'm goin to try to finish it before the summer ends, so keep a lookout for it!  :)

on Apr. 20 2011 at 3:43 pm
AspireToInspire SILVER, Thornville, Ohio
8 articles 2 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Praepartur animus contra omnia. ♥

Oh my goodness, thank you! That really means a lot that something that I wrote could make that much of an impact. You guys are what makes all of this possible!  :)

on Apr. 18 2011 at 9:37 pm
kristibell852 BRONZE, Colorado Springs, Colorado
2 articles 0 photos 3 comments
love your story u are an inspiration to writers everywhere... i would love to read more it will be a verry interesting novel.

on Mar. 7 2011 at 5:03 pm
omg that was rely great all I was looking for was a mentor text for school and i certantly found one this is an amazing pi=eice of writing you should make this a book! wow words cant describe how good that was i love it that much!!! infinity and beyond thumbs up and smileyfaces!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

on Jan. 2 2011 at 3:51 pm
AspireToInspire SILVER, Thornville, Ohio
8 articles 2 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Praepartur animus contra omnia. ♥

Thank you so much! That truely means a lot to me.

Actually, I am currently working on turning this short story into a full-length novel. It's a lot more elaborate, and there are a couple of added plot twists. LoL.

Thank you for your feedback!!  :)


on Dec. 31 2010 at 7:02 am
Raven_Mi BRONZE,
1 article 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
K.I.S.S.- Keep. It. Simple. Stupid

AMAZING

i really hope there will be more


on Sep. 12 2010 at 1:29 pm
passion.fable14 SILVER, Fort Collins, Colorado
8 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is like a cup of coffee. You gotta...dive right in and drink it fast before it cools. Because coffee sucks when its cool. And it tastes like crap. Do you want your life to taste like crap Sam? I don't. That's why i don't drink coffee."
~~Carlt

Ohmigod that was AMAZING! :D I want to read more! I'll go read part two RIGHT NOW.

Saphe SILVER said...
on Sep. 1 2010 at 7:37 pm
Saphe SILVER, Kansas City, Missouri
7 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you would not be forgotten, as soon as you are dead and rotten, either write things worth the reading, or do things worth the writing. -Ben Franklin

WOW what an intriguing story! It really grabs you and keeps you reading! Definetly expand this, and it's good news that you plan on turning it into a novel. I'd love to see this published. :D

on May. 11 2010 at 10:17 pm
V.T.Summers BRONZE, Longview, Washington
1 article 16 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Things rarely turn out as expected.

WRITE MORE!!

on Apr. 19 2010 at 9:06 am
THEIMPACT77 BRONZE, Florence, Kentucky
4 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
I WILL NOT BOW

this story reminds me of the bood Storm Thief. it had me on edge and the way you write it is great. could you help me with my writing? my work is The Fall Entry One

on Mar. 24 2010 at 2:53 pm
AspireToInspire SILVER, Thornville, Ohio
8 articles 2 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Praepartur animus contra omnia. ♥

Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I appreciate it so much. I actually am expanding it into a full-length novel now, which is taking a very long time. But thank you for your suggestion. Every one counts, and I am building off of many of them for my book. I appreiciate your support so much! Thank you! :)

on Feb. 11 2010 at 7:48 pm
Fireflie BRONZE, Danville, Pennsylvania
4 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and wonder how the heck you did it.

EXPAND THIS PLEASE!!! this would make such a great novel. :] and something to think about...all those ppl are going to have to get used to living without the gov't breathing down their necks....just something to think about if you expand. please write more. i would love to see more of this. =D

on Nov. 8 2009 at 6:49 pm
AspireToInspire SILVER, Thornville, Ohio
8 articles 2 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Praepartur animus contra omnia. ♥

Thank you so much! Everyone here is so helpful, and everyone is giving me so many ideas! I don't know what I'd do without you all! Thank you!!!!! :)

Lostinbooks said...
on Nov. 7 2009 at 9:21 am
Lostinbooks, Arcadia, California
0 articles 0 photos 63 comments
Good luck with your novel!

This was suspenseful, and well written.

But when expanding it, be very careful to make it unique, and not like other books. This shouldn't be terribly difficult; you have some pretty good things here...

on Nov. 4 2009 at 2:48 pm
AspireToInspire SILVER, Thornville, Ohio
8 articles 2 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Praepartur animus contra omnia. ♥

I just realized that I should put a link to the first part of my story here, so here it is!

TeenInk.com/fiction/sci_fi_fantasy/article/136292/Hidden-City-Part-One/

Please vote and leave comments! Thank you!

on Oct. 31 2009 at 9:25 am
dragonfan SILVER, Arcidia, Indiana
9 articles 1 photo 213 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Death truly makes an artist"

cool!!!!!!! =)

on Oct. 30 2009 at 4:45 pm
AspireToInspire SILVER, Thornville, Ohio
8 articles 2 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Praepartur animus contra omnia. ♥

I have actually started on the full-length novel, and I have the first part finished! Thanks to all of you for your ideas and encouragement! :)

on Oct. 28 2009 at 5:22 pm
dragonfan SILVER, Arcidia, Indiana
9 articles 1 photo 213 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Death truly makes an artist"

I defiantly think you should continue. I love the first and the second! I totally agree with every thing unfamil-LIAR-minds you should keep writing and you do have alot of potential.

on Oct. 24 2009 at 8:39 pm
Ms.Understood, Laramie, Wyoming
0 articles 0 photos 82 comments
I feel like you have way more than potential. I was beyond intrigued. That only happens with the best of the best. What happens to Victor and Felix? Did they actually save everyone else? I need to read the first part. Write a novel! This...is the type of story I would make my favorite. Amazing!


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