Black wings, White heart Chapter 1

October 3, 2009
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I walked alongside the thick fog that led into the forest next to me on my way home.I knew this route like the back of my thin, pale hands.Trees loomed over me cvering the gray sky overhead. I began to humm a soft tune until I stopped short. Something or someone lay on the road before me.I began to trott towards it. There lay a boy just about my age. Pale beautiful skin and a soft expression.... but something else? I gaspd in awe. Thick, black angel like wings spread wide across the narrow road. Bright red blood surrounded one wing. I knelt down to see if he was breathing.I lay my head against his chest.Thankfully, thin, short breaths left his nostrils.Suddenly, his long golden lashes fluttered open. He breathed deeply. He looked lost and confused. I smiled gratefully. The boy sat bolt up. "Where are my friends?!" he asked as he glanced at his surroundings. I looked puzzled. "There are more?" I asked. Without answering my question, he attempted to stand up but roughly bumped right back to the solid earth. I had suddenly noticed that the boy had not answered my question. Instead, i replaced it with another. "What is your name?" i asked. "Casper." he answered quickly. After a few moments he seemed to have calmed down a bit. "What's yours?" He asked. "Mallory, my name is Mallory." i answered awkwardly. Casper began to stand up. He was successful.He spread his wings wide. A painful expression spread across his face. He held onto the bloody wing i had noticed earlier and tumbled to the ground once more. He chuckled to himself. "I had almost forgotten about this little incident" he said."Are you alright?!" I asked worryingly.Casper nodded."Nothing Aroe can't fix."He assumed.I was confused now. "Who is Aroe?" I asked. "He is my friend..." Casper answered calmly. "Is you?" i asked trying not to offend Casper. "The wings and all? Yeah." he aswered cheerfully. Although there is also Melrose, she is a bit on the darker side of us. She doesn't have the whole angel-like wings." He said. "well what kinds of wings does she have?" i asked. "She has big black bat wings. pretty cool huh?" he asked.the pain on his face seemed to clear up now. He shrugged. "they'll find me soon. he answered calmly. "How do you know?" I asked. "What is this? 20 questions?" he asked getting annoyed. "Sorry..." i apologized. I looked around remembering the creepy but well known by me setting. "should'nt we get out of here?" i begged. Casper shrugged. "Sure, but can we get a bite to eat first? I'm starving." he answered.I smiled. "of course we can!" i answered happily.

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This article has 19 comments. Post your own now!

Jess2525 said...
Nov. 11, 2011 at 1:41 pm
This was amazing, I thought it was extremely creative and I love the whole angle vibe. So awesome! :)
PrettyInPurple said...
Jun. 10, 2011 at 11:05 pm
awsomes cant wait to read more!!!:) please read the story i have now and the one coming soon it would meen alot.:)
Tigerz101 said...
Apr. 5, 2011 at 6:39 am
WOW! GREAT STORY! it makes me want more! when's the next one coming out???
Shrien said...
Dec. 18, 2010 at 1:20 pm

This is my fave so far!

I love these type of stories!

Puh Lease right more ! (:

BrightBurningCampeador This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 24, 2010 at 3:27 pm
I think I'd be thrilled with this peice if I actually knew what the heck was going on.
blondie25 said...
Jun. 23, 2010 at 2:25 pm
very good so far , but maybe break apart the dialouge??
spitfire213 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 27, 2010 at 5:23 pm
You might consider breaking the dialogue into its own paragraph. I found it a little hard to follow. But otherwise great work! very creative!
Fireflie said...
Feb. 11, 2010 at 7:29 pm
i agree, very max ride(good series though! im not complaining! ;]) this is great, very mysterious and relateable emotionally. the only think i would tweak just a tiny bit is the wording at the very very end. but toher than that i love it! write more! :D
JHale_44 said...
Jan. 3, 2010 at 6:36 pm
Gosh. Who dosent?
JHale_44 said...
Dec. 28, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Omg! This totally Maximum Ride. IT ROCK!
freedombird replied...
Jan. 3, 2010 at 12:57 pm
that was my inspiration... love maximum ride...!
readlikecrazy10 replied...
Mar. 26, 2010 at 3:54 pm
me too! my friend and i are done with the whole "team edward team jacob" thing, we're now team FANG! the books rock, and i like the idea of people having wings. very nice article. :)
erika4964 said...
Dec. 6, 2009 at 4:00 am
This is Awesome! It kind of reminds me of the Maximum Ride Series(Which I love!). Please keep wrighting this story I want to know what happens.
*Colors* said...
Oct. 31, 2009 at 2:41 pm
I really love this! its so mystical and dark and colorful. it holds emotion and relatable structure. i would like to read more. :) Kudos.
freedombird replied...
Nov. 8, 2009 at 8:16 pm
thanks much!!! i'm writing part 2 soon.... just have to plan it out XD
Amer-Nae replied...
Jun. 21, 2010 at 12:54 pm
it was good i liked it and im glad tht you like my stories I have new ones up now if you want to check them out!
KatrinaC47 said...
Oct. 27, 2009 at 5:16 pm
Well, first of all, that's was a fantastice story idea, and I really like it! It had just enough description and everything. In fact, I only have one critique. Punctuation. The evil beast who threatens to destroy our lives, and, more importantly, our writing careers. In my experience, which is limited :P, people take you and your writng more seriously when you edit your work and pay close attention to your punctuation. Oh, and now I'm done criticizing you, I really liked your descripti... (more »)
freedombird replied...
Nov. 8, 2009 at 8:20 pm
yes punctuation is an evil beast lol but i'm not erin hunter or J.K rowling! thnks for the advice though.... im trying to search your stories if you have any but i cant find it......
BrightBurningCampeador This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 24, 2010 at 3:32 pm
You think that erin hunter and j.k. rowling are good authors? Come on! Get out there and read some real fantasy. Haven't you ever heard of anne mccaffrey's pern chronicles, or tamora peirce's tortall legends?
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