The Voice

October 9, 2009
By *Babygurl22* GOLD, Warsaw, Illinois
*Babygurl22* GOLD, Warsaw, Illinois
12 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
I LOVE THE COLOR ORANGE!!!!!!!!!! Love y'all...

The Voice

Hello my name is Ashley and i have a spooky story to tell you. A long time ago, when i was three, I got a stuffed rabbit for Christmas. I named it Hopper. Well as I grew up, I left him in the closet. One day when I came home from College. There was a strange noise coming from the closet. So I went and opened. AH!!! I screamed. I had passed out on my floor. Then about two hours later. I opened my eyes and I saw hopper leaning over me asking if i was okay.

I asked "How can you talk? Your a stuffed animal."

"I am a magical bunny. I can also sing. Would you like to hear?" said Hopper.

" No, I don't want to hear a stuffed animal talk or sing so just get out of here now!!!!!!!!!" I said. So hopper took off walking, I said" Hopper you can stay. Its kinda cool having a stuffed rabbit that can talk."

" Thank you miss Ashley. I am so grateful," said hopper.

"Dude its cool.You can meet Austin," I said.

"Who's Austin?"asked Hopper.

"Austins my fiance! We are getting married June 3rd of 2018," I said

"Oh, can I be the ring bunny?" He laughed.

"Hold on my phones ringing. Its probably Austin," I said.

I answered the phone."hello?"

"Hey,baby. Its Austin,"Austin said

"Oh, hey babe. You on your way home yet?" i said.

"Yea. I'm pulling in now I got you a present," He said.

" Oh cool!!" I ran outside and Austin picked me up and hugged me.

He said" I love you baby,"

I said" I love you to babe." Then he kissed me and we walked inside. I had totally for got about hopper because Austin had been in Iraq for the past five months. When we got inside Shyann , my American bulldog, came running up. Knocked Austin down.

Austin said "Hey buddy you've grown so much," Then he started crying, of course I did too.

I told Austin "We've missed you so much. tomorrow I'll call in to work so we can spend it together and see the family. Is that Ok with you?"

He said," I'm only here for one night then i go back. I wish i could just drop out of being in the army sometimes. but when I'm helping save peoples lives you love being a hero. I have a question."

" Whats is it?" I said with a smile.

"Are you gaining weight?" He said curious.

"I'm pregnant!!!!!!!!! Going on eight months," I said with a huge smile.

"OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to be a daddy?????" he said in tears.

"Yea I'm naming her Kristen," I said.

"What do I not have a say in what to name her?" he said.

"You do but I want her name to be Kristen and I want you in the delivery room," I said. It's was quite for a minute. Then we heard a rush of water. I looked down. " MY WATER JUST BROKE!!!!!!!!! HURRY GRAB MY BAG FROM THE COUCH AND GO GRAB HOPPER FROM OUR ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed. I went to the car and got in then here came Austin with Hopper. We rushed to the hospital. We got there and i went in to labor.........................

Two hours later......... We had a baby girl. We ended up naming her Shelby Lynn Reneau after Austins sister. She is 9lbs 6oz. She's 12in. long. She likes hopper a lot. She won't let him go. But she has a head full of black hair just like her dad. She has pretty blue eyes also like her dad. But she'll have the attitude like her mom. Its eight in the morning and we are going shopping for Shelby. were going to baby r us first. Oh did I tell you Austins done being recruited now he gets to stay home with me and Shelby all day. They called last night and said they found some one else to take his place and they were over joyed about Shelby. Well were heading to Austin's dads house so he can see Shelby. He's going to be so happy he has three grand kids now. Austin's sister, Shelby, has two little boys. Were pulling in the driveway now.

"Here comes grandpa" I said to Shelby. Austin's dad grabbed her out of the car and gave her lovings and said"Welcome in to this world baby girl." Then he hugged me and said congratulations.
Austin hugged me and said "she the most beautiful girl in the world."

"Thanks I'm getting ready to be your wife your supposed to think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world!!" I laughed.

He said" your my most important and special girl in the world and you know I love you and you are the most beautiful girl in the world she the most beautiful daughter in the world. Your my baby and you always will be but i have to love her too." "I know i just want you to love me too. Because we've been together since I was in sixth grade. That's a long time." I said.

"Yea, it has been a long time. What, going on fifteen years?"He said.

"Yea. Its fifteen on your birthday. The day we get married. Two more weeks. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed.

"SHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! your hurting Shelby's ears. I love you Ashley Rose Prewett." He said. " I love you too, Austin Robert Reneau!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Now its June 3rd the day I get married. I'm at the church getting ready and Austin walks in and says"Baby?" "Yea." I said. " We can't get married today." he said. "WHAT?!?!?!? Why?" I said.

"I was called back to Iraq. I'm leaving in a hour. I'm so sorry. I know you really wanted to get married on my birthday. I thought it would be cool." he said. "Now you don't get your present." I said. "What was it?" He said.

" It was me being yours forever. Well let me get out of my dress and we'll go home so you can get ready to leave." I said. So we went home and Austin left. Its been three years since we last saw him. All the sudden my phone started ringing. "Hello?" i said. "Ashley, Its Bob your husbands recruitist. well i have some bad news for you." He said.

"Yes, what is it?" I said, " Um... Its hard for me to tell you but your husband was killed by a tank." So, Shelby and I have been on our own for quite sometime now. Were doing pretty good. Shelby's three now and misses her daddy dearly. She crys every night. She always asked god why did he take him from her. Well were doing fine. So were go on with our life.

The author's comments:
It was an assingment

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This article has 29 comments.

on Mar. 3 2012 at 1:52 pm
TheLiberalist BRONZE, Briarcliff Manor, New York
1 article 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A man who does not think for himself does not think at all" -Oscar Wilde

I liked it :D and every story can always use work. I think it was great

on Feb. 10 2012 at 11:19 am
remembermeplz PLATINUM, Friend, Nebraska
36 articles 10 photos 230 comments

Favorite Quote:
"when the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace" -- Jimi Hendrix

the story line is great.but the execution could need some work. is the girl telling a story, writing a letter?it was kind of confusing because I had no idea how she was telling it.

on Dec. 7 2011 at 12:01 am
Plus, why is this in the Sci-fi/fantasy section in the first place? All it had was a talking rabbit....

on Dec. 6 2011 at 11:59 pm
You are trying to write, complaining about how you should be treated nicely and yet you are using "What now" as a rebuttle. Honestly if you would like to be treated fairly, act a bit mature. Spell checking your story would have done miracles for one thing, if you are going to take the time to publish it on to a website, do us all a favor and use spell check. I believe this statement is constructive, criticism and fair.

Draglea123 said...
on Nov. 14 2011 at 11:08 am
You guys need to take it easy on her, She just started writing. Look up what constructive critisism is or imagine your telling a 4 year old some sort of inconvient truth. Say it NICELY! I thought it was a fine story.

on Oct. 1 2011 at 3:52 pm
AlwaysAntlers SILVER, Kingsport, Tennessee
5 articles 0 photos 72 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Don't forget - no one else sees the world the way you do, so no one else can tell the stories that you have to tell.”
― Charles de Lint, (from his book,The Blue Girl)

I don't get it. What up with the talking rabbit?

on Oct. 1 2011 at 11:42 am
flyingpinkgiraffes PLATINUM, Chardon, Ohio
24 articles 0 photos 119 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When in doubt, kill your main character." ~Me
"Worry is like a rocking chair. It will give you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere."

honestly, most of the comments here are constructive critisism (excuse my lack of correct spelling).  If someone were to just say "this is terrible" that would be rude and thoughtless.  But the people here are putting comments on what you can work on, like making the story easier to follow, working the talking bunny more into the story, and working on the writing.  That's all very good advice.  There's definitly something to your storyline, and what you need to do is put some serious thought to the critisism you're getting and most of all, keep writing.  That's really the only way to improve, as you'll learn from experience, and what feedback you get.  This is pretty good for just starting to write.  You should have seen my first story..... I didn't even know how to use quotation marks yet, and it had talking pencils... i despise it to this day.  :-)

Jennypig GOLD said...
on Sep. 22 2010 at 4:05 pm
Jennypig GOLD, Winslow, Maine
13 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
Get living or get dying -Stepen King
We are a little weird and life is a little weird, so when we find someone who's weirdness is compatible with our own, we fall in a mutual weirdness and call it love. -Dr. Seuss

Not to be rude but I dislike how you are handling that persons question... You can re write it or something. That sounded mean and angered and rude esp. when you put the "!!!!!!"

Jennypig GOLD said...
on Sep. 22 2010 at 4:03 pm
Jennypig GOLD, Winslow, Maine
13 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
Get living or get dying -Stepen King
We are a little weird and life is a little weird, so when we find someone who's weirdness is compatible with our own, we fall in a mutual weirdness and call it love. -Dr. Seuss

Criticism isn't supposed to hurt anyone's feelings. . . It is supposed to better the author and that is what everyone was doing I mean they weren't like "YOU SUCK" because that story WAS good... They are informing her that it was jumpy and they didn't get some of it or disagreed with some of it. Being a writer you need to take this profesionally, I mean would you rather them lie and say "This was PERFECT!" no. because it wasn't. No writing is perfect even profesional's writing. Everyone has a right to have an opinion and they were stating theirs. Now you as a writer can decide if you agree or disagree... You dont have to do what the readers say... I thought it needed more detail and even tho it was a class assignment you could've had the bunny play a better role or editted it out when you posted it on here... Just take this critisism and know that this makes you a better writter.

on Jul. 18 2010 at 2:08 pm
madasrabbits PLATINUM, Dalton-in-Furness, Other
28 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Just keep swimming!"- Dory, Finding Nemo

Personally? I don't think it was perfect, but anything that anyone that has but any effort into is good. Don't listen to the criticism that is purely criticism, listen to the constructive stuff, okay? That's the stuff you want.
To those that comments are heartless and overly critical: There is no need to be harsh. The least you can do is offer advice. For all you know you could've just crushed her dreams. Well done. Hope you're proud of yourselves.

on Jul. 2 2010 at 9:02 pm
*Babygurl22* GOLD, Warsaw, Illinois
12 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
I LOVE THE COLOR ORANGE!!!!!!!!!! Love y'all...

I know i am not a very good writer. but oh my gosh. Ever heard of constructive criticism?? gosh

on Jun. 7 2010 at 12:23 am
Wow. This comment ws extraordinarily offensive.  JUst because you don't like something dosen't mean it's horrible, and even if a writer needs to develope more, that dosen't mean they need to stop writing, it means they need to write more.

on Apr. 21 2010 at 9:18 pm
CanYouSeeTheCrazy PLATINUM, Cle Elum, Washington
21 articles 0 photos 125 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I know why everyone in this world is so desperate to find love."
"Oh yeah? Why then?"
"Because, it's the closest thing we have to magic."

i agree. the talking bunny was just one small part of the story, and it's very jumpy.

on Mar. 31 2010 at 12:00 am
HeyAmanda SILVER, Rancho Cucamonga, California
8 articles 0 photos 47 comments

ok hard to follow and all over the place. i was confused because the story went from past to present and i am sorry but the bunny was thrown in carelessly and i think u need to work on it 


on Mar. 11 2010 at 8:37 am
*Babygurl22* GOLD, Warsaw, Illinois
12 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
I LOVE THE COLOR ORANGE!!!!!!!!!! Love y'all...

i just started writing this year, so what do you expect? I'm not perfect, no one is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

on Jan. 25 2010 at 8:39 am
*Babygurl22* GOLD, Warsaw, Illinois
12 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
I LOVE THE COLOR ORANGE!!!!!!!!!! Love y'all...

Hopper was the assignment!!! Like i said in the other comment, I MADE UP!!!!!!

on Jan. 25 2010 at 8:36 am
*Babygurl22* GOLD, Warsaw, Illinois
12 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
I LOVE THE COLOR ORANGE!!!!!!!!!! Love y'all...


on Jan. 25 2010 at 8:36 am
*Babygurl22* GOLD, Warsaw, Illinois
12 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
I LOVE THE COLOR ORANGE!!!!!!!!!! Love y'all...

For your info i love exclamation points!!!!!

What now!!!!! !!!!! !!!!!! !!!!! !! !!!! !!!!


Frostfur said...
on Dec. 3 2009 at 4:07 pm
This was a really hard to follow story. Did you really need all those exclamation points?

evie428 BRONZE said...
on Nov. 18 2009 at 9:26 am
evie428 BRONZE, Ontario, Other
4 articles 1 photo 88 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Writing a novel is not merely going on a shopping expedition across the border to an unreal land: it is hours and years spent in the factories, the streets, the cathedrals of the imagination."

Um . . . kinda hard to follow? Maybe it woud've been better if you just left the stuffed rabbit out of it all . . .


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