It’s Soft and calm, a bittersweet moment. It’s dark and dreary… I like it that way. It’s dense and cold and I can’t see a thing. The ruffle of leaves, the hoot of owls, all seems so very loud. Though it is not. The grasp on my neck got sharper, unbearable before the pain ceased all together and my head lolled backwards as an intense burning filled my body. Grateful of the cold but weary of the warmth I pulled myself off the soakened white ground as a scream went to my throat as I stumbled for a hiding spot amongst a bit of trees. I rived for days, wishing for death or sleep though neither came. My eyes opened to light, no longer tired but extremely weak. Not hungry- another sensation ran through me. A different one that I’ve never experienced before. My body ached and my throat burned, but not in pain. Could I be dead? Well if I was then I had to be in hell because there was no way heaven could put me through all of this for such disappointment. All I kept thinking was I was sorry; I should have done more in life. I keep thinking this now, as I’m trying desperately to convince myself to get to my feet. Finally, I haul myself upward onto my knees, just to fall forward again and begin crawling. I’m shaking so bad with sobs but it’s all I can do. The white snowy ground around me is red now… somebody did this to me. But who am i? I remember nothing but the pain. When I think about the pain I want to scream but I won’t. the violent surge of my screams will never end and I’m already far too weak. I lean my head against a tree as somebody runs to my side. I collapse sideways on the ground in front of them.
September 26, 2009