Killer-Part 1

September 24, 2009
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I've always been bored with my life. I read all these stories about wizards and werewolves, and i longed to be part of them. I guess i got more than I bargained for.
I was only your average teenage girl. I was pretty, definitely, but not beautiful. I had curly black hair and bright green eyes. My skin was so pale it looked white. My friends said it made me look like a vampire. Little did they know how right they were.
It was on my twelfth birthday, when my life fell apart. I started to feel thirsty. I drank ate, did everything, but it wouldn’t go away. After a week, I was sick. After two weeks, I was dying. Then, I woke up.
No, I wasn’t dreaming, but I had fainted, at least, that's what I was told. I didn’t wake up until I felt a straw in my mouth. I drank the warm liquid, and immediately I felt better. There was a boy in front of me, holding the straw.
“You’re awake.” he said, “That's good.”
I moaned and tried to get up. The boy gently pushed me back down. “You're weak from loss of blood,” he continued, “Here, this will help.”
He pushed another straw into my mouth. I felt energy rush into my veins, and I sat up gingerly.
I looked at the mysterious boy who had saved my life. He had black wavy hair, and skin like mine, pale white. His face was, well, perfect. He had a square jaw, and a small nose. His face didn’t look real; it was like a perfect marble sculpture. Hen I looked at his eyes. They were a bright green, like mine. They seemed to see right through me, and made me nervous. I hoped my eyes didn’t have the same effect.
I didn’t know what to say to him, but luckily, he broke the ice. “My name is Delos.”
“I'm Iris.”
“Nice name.”
I started laughing, but laughter echoed strangely in the room or cavern or wherever I was. I stopped laughing. Why would Delos bring me here, and care for me for no reason. He had to have a purpose.
“Doles,” I said, before I could lose my nerve, “What do you want from me?”
He laughed. “You are not strong enough to get what I want. But you will learn, oh yes.”
“Learn what?”
“How to survive.”
“You're avoiding my question.”
He laughed again, “You don't understand what you are, and I will teach you. You can become invincible under me.”
“What am I?” I whispered, even though deep down inside, I knew the answer.
“Vampire,” he said, and I collapsed into a dead faint

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This article has 44 comments. Post your own now!

M.K.Slate said...
Oct. 22, 2010 at 11:30 am
communicativedistractions said...
Oct. 5, 2010 at 9:48 pm
NiCe:) You should add more stuff to the beginning :)
undeadjuggalo99 said...
Sept. 30, 2010 at 10:09 am
that waz pretty kool, im lookin forward to ur next story!
_Elsy_ said...
Jun. 22, 2010 at 10:05 pm

Suck? Are you kidding me? This story is great. I loved it. it's a very gripping story.

Btw-can you check out some of my stuff?

Robsessed said...
Jun. 22, 2010 at 7:37 pm

Well, I am a totally Twilight Obsessed freak and I love anything with Vampires, sparkly or not. You have a couple of typos, but the story itself is a good lead in to a longer story. The "You are not strong enough to get what I want" left me curious and wanting to know more. Good start.

P.S. Real Vampires Sparkle :-)

Draglea123 replied...
Apr. 16, 2011 at 4:42 pm
Uh hello, that's only in Stephenie's Vampire world. There are no real vampires.
HP Fan replied...
Sept. 17, 2011 at 5:46 pm
Only fairies sparkle ;)
Robsessed replied...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 12:02 am
Draglea123: it's called being facetious, duh. And Vampire Bats do exist, so I beg to differ about the existence of vampires. HP Fan: they do too, of course
V.T.Summers said...
Jun. 2, 2010 at 10:08 pm
there are 2 types of vampires: the twilight sparkly vampires, and the awesome vampires.  this would be apart of AWESOME vampires
Miara said...
May 26, 2010 at 4:47 pm
Please do something more original.  Vampires are too generic, too boring.  Try to branch out at least a little.
blondie25 said...
May 10, 2010 at 9:13 pm
Very good , the names are very different , and way different than twilight(in a very good way)
tomtamtimmy This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 29, 2010 at 4:59 am

i am no fan of vampiers, twilight and that other BS but this was good


arElana replied...
May 22, 2010 at 12:54 pm

thanks :)


P.S.  I hate Twilight too.  It totally ruined vampires...  I mean, honestly.  VAMPIRES AREN'T SPARKLY!!!


arElana said...
Feb. 25, 2010 at 10:11 pm
this just got put on the front page!!!
thanks everyone who veiwed and rated, keep on going!
QuestionAuthority said...
Feb. 14, 2010 at 8:27 pm
To be honest, I didn't see much of anything unique about this piece. There is so much vampire hype that a vampire story like this doesn't really stand out. I would suggest writing about other less common things. If you really do want to continue on this piece, which I encourage you to do, then here are a couple suggestions: First, edit it for spelling and punctuation mistakes, which are a turnoff for the reader. Second, I was a little confused as to where and how all of this was happen... (more »)
acc13a said...
Jan. 30, 2010 at 5:50 pm
It's great, but it seems to be a whole like like the book Dark Angel, by L. J. Smith. You should check it out
arElana replied...
Feb. 4, 2010 at 4:10 pm
i read it. i guess its similar but i wrote this before reading that
Nur S. said...
Jan. 7, 2010 at 7:14 am
If you already read the book of house of night novel,you will know about a vampire story.It's a good one.Try it.This story seem to lost something like suspens.I read a lot of fantasy novel.It always start with an ordinary story but it give us the suspens.This story seems straight=forward.But,that is my opinion.Hope you will take no offence.
Secreteer replied...
Jan. 7, 2010 at 8:52 pm
Well this isnt my actual beginning. i start at the end an dthen do a flashback. read "killer parts 1, 2, and 3". it has my real beginning
Pensivegurl said...
Dec. 18, 2009 at 8:24 pm
Yay! Loved it! >.<
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