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Monster

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As I'm sitting here, in this box-shaped room, staring at my prey three feet away from me, I am anxious. This child, an innocent child, will die. She is nothing to me, nothing at all. When she wakes, only then will she notice my presence. She is sleeping calmly, probably dreaming sweet childish fantasies of blue skies and purple unicorns flying to see a magical princess. Little does she know that in a few short hours her rosey red complexion will fade away to meet a dull white color. Little does she know that the curls that surround her face will fade and cover a life-less dull face. Little does she know of her radiant blue eyes fading with the sunset. Unlike the sun, her eyes will never surface again.

~Little does she know of the monster I am~




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Ekf07 said...
Nov. 23, 2011 at 9:17 pm:

what kind of monster.....lol

intresting.  this is an intresting pov.

i can see why the teacher was worried. LOL

 
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horsewriter4evr said...
Nov. 23, 2011 at 11:04 am:
This is really cool I like how the character talks about her pray and how she's monster.
 
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Sparkora said...
Nov. 17, 2011 at 2:02 pm:
This is the third time I've read this piece, and it still seems to me like the "monster" is trying to convince herself if her own cruelty. She says the girl doesn't mean anything to her, but I think she's someone different than how she portrays herself to be.
 
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welcometoplanetearth said...
Nov. 16, 2011 at 6:38 am:
Very dark and riveting... proves that even short pieces can be exciting! 
 
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GemValley250 said...
Nov. 12, 2011 at 3:28 am:
To be honest i never knew such a short piece could be so good, so powerful! Brilliant!:)
 
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LifesIllusion said...
Nov. 11, 2011 at 9:13 pm:
Loved it! i especially like your writing stlye. Check out my work? thanks!
 
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sarahmichelle98 said...
Nov. 11, 2011 at 3:41 pm:
very nicee:) sounds like the same kind of thing i would write similar to my style
 
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Mremk said...
Nov. 11, 2011 at 1:20 pm:
This touched me. It is an awesome writing piece. 
 
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Eliahumandoglover said...
Nov. 10, 2011 at 5:26 pm:
 I like how you write the piece from the villain's point of view. I could almost feel the mosnter about to the suck the baby's blood or something.
 
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michaelchavez said...
Nov. 4, 2011 at 9:54 pm:
I like this. Teachers worried? Maybe because your a better writer
 
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Matt B. said...
Oct. 29, 2011 at 1:18 pm:
This was sublime. You leave a lot to the imagination and do it correctly at that. There are so many meaning behind this that once can draw out, so many differnt turns and twists to imagine in ones mind. Very interesting.
 
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Christina C. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 28, 2011 at 11:17 pm:
Wow... This is really meaningful with such a short article.
 
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SmileyBabe said...
Oct. 22, 2011 at 7:03 am:
Oh my god I loved it!
 
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iamonecoolradiator said...
Oct. 20, 2011 at 3:51 pm:
I like how you leave it kind of ambiguous.  I really thought it was a great piece of writing but maybe you could extend it a bit? then maybe it would have even more of an effect! You don't have to, but if you ever have a spare moment could you take a look at my work? thanks x
 
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lonelyLaviathin said...
Oct. 20, 2011 at 10:55 am:
......if i were your teacher i'd be sending you to the counselor...but bravo....
 
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ERochelle23 said...
Oct. 12, 2011 at 1:39 pm:
I really like this! Your word choice and imagery is fantastic, and you never actually specify how you are a monster which makes me want to read more. Although it sounds good at first, you use "Little did she know..." several times, I think if you changed the wording around a bit it might sound even better!
 
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Anonymous_7 said...
Oct. 11, 2011 at 11:57 pm:
I just read this over again and I still love it! Keep up the great work!
 
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TradeMistakes13 said...
Oct. 11, 2011 at 5:17 pm:
i love this. is the monster like a vampire or just a regular murderer? its really sweet - i know thats strange, but... 
 
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Phil E. said...
Oct. 10, 2011 at 9:35 pm:
good work putting a lot of MEANING in a small article
 
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AntWrangler13 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 9, 2011 at 7:36 am:
Wow, short but really good! Could you comment on my work? Thanks :P
 
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