Imaginary Angel (Part 1)

My mind ran as did I from its presence deep into the wood of skeleton trees. It? What exactly was it? That was an answer even I, its victim was unaware of.

My body slowed, my mind was too fast to challenge. I bent over, leaning on my knees, huffing out fury. Whatever It was, the presence was both a mental and physical energy robber. It was painful, and was the water added to the Grow-Your-Own-Monster inside of me. And I, its container, would burst if I couldn’t stop it.

But how can you destroy something unknown? Something that controls you?

I squinted my eyes, delving deep into my mental scrap book. I flipped through its pages finding where the antagonist had made its subtle entrance.
Was it subtle? Or just pushed away, stamped as ‘unimportant’ as were 75% of the things in my life?

I needed counseling, but who? I needed someone right that instant. That’s why I was in the woods, to talk to him.

I began to hyperventilate, abandoning my former mission, and recalling the breathing sessions I went to when I was the prey to my Anxiety, one of my many ‘trustful’ allies.

I began to stagger along the invisible path that only was known to my mind. I ran quickly up a hill and down its other side, finally making it to the spot.

‘The spot’ was a wide stream separating the woods a bridge consisting of green, fuzzy stones above water level -at the moment. A bigger rock on the side welcomed me and offered a seat to sit.

The sun’s eyes glowed caringly at me. I sat on the boulder, with my legs hanging over the edge, swinging childishly.

I closed my eyes calling him in my head.

Blinding my eyes strengthened my other senses. I could hear the stream ripple and feel the fall air snuggle near me for warmth.

There was nothing to smell, my nose was clogged with the longest cold I’d ever put up with. And even if I could, there would be nothing to take in; everything was pretty much dead or rocking towards a deep slumber.

I cut off my minds wanderings, and repeated his name in my head. My mouth mutely shaped the sounds.

“David,” My heart that had started racing moments ago began to slow and warm with peace.

The mental photo of my present setting changed adding a new character. His dark brown hair was neatly parted to the side- as always. His green eyes with the flecks of gold glistened in the warm sun enhancing his calm, gentle look. David was my friend.

Technically, he was an imaginary friend; a net my mind created to catch me when things went wrong, and throw me up again prepared to jump back into life. But like many technicalities, calling him a figment of my imagination belittles him and doesn’t express the immense impression he has left in my life.

I knew him since I was 12. I knew 15 was pushing it, but it is actually said that 13 and 14 year olds are just as likely to have imaginary friends.

I knew he wasn’t real, though I wished he was...he was the only friend I could talk to about things with, one of the rare few people I felt I could trust.

“What’s wrong Bridget?” his soft voice came right beside me.

“I don’t know,” I whispered to him in my head.

He held my hand, “Well, there has to be something.”

I nodded looking at my reflection in the water. I looked into my mirror image’s eyes seeing if she knew anything I didn’t.

At first it seemed like nothing, and then by looking at my double, I saw the uncertainty in the look she gave me. And I immediately knew. I was afraid to grow up.

I remembered by next summer I’d be driving to a job I would soon have to get. And then I recalled that in three years time, I’d be graduating. Out of the house and into reality. And along the way I’d loose some of my few close friends...and without a doubt David would have to go too.

“Just... things,” I mumbled out loud. I couldn’t be a kid forever, but right then I didn’t seem ready enough to move on.

“Things?” He raised an eyebrow, “Well, since you refer to them so vaguely, I think you’re either being overdramatic, or hiding something.” He smiled in a joking way and put a hand on my shoulder.

I gave a weaker smile and shrugged his hand off, “Or the third option: I’m just mental.”

“Well on the bright side, I’ve heard that straight-jackets are comfy, snug, and very fashionable this season.”

I would’ve laughed; I wanted to, but this whole giving things up to grow up idea was weighing on my mind.

“Well then next time you look in L.L. Bean, get me two.” I muttered.

Before he could interrogate me anymore, I stood up and said goodbye, and began to walk off.

It was stupid that I had to use an imaginary friend to problem solve. Grown ups don’t have imaginary friends, grown ups can figure out things themselves.

Once again my self thought consumed my common sense and I had no clue there were giant grey clouds above me.

I wandered the woods aimlessly; my autopilot seemed to be dreaming as well.

I needed to grow up, that was a fact I couldn’t ignore, but just as unavoidable was David. Yes, he was a childish thought, but one worth being embarrassed over. Imaginary Friend or not, he was still my friend, my best friend. But would that hold me back?

I shook my head. I needed to get home, get my mind off this.

The darkened clouds cried above me, unable to hold back the raging storm inside it any longer.

The rain made me realize I had no clue where I was, and the lightning made me realize that I better figure out soon...





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