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bite marks


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I woke up from a terrible nightemare with a severe hurt on the side of my neck. I looked into the mirror after rushing out of bed to find two trails of blood dripping from my neck,and also two bite marks plunged into my neck.All of sudden my head was trobbing with pain and hurt.What was happining to me i tried to ask myself as the pain increased and my body insintly got colder.I tried to crawl back into bed, when i heard a sinister laugh. Iran down the stairs where i heard the laughter comming from and i saw a shadow fly across the wall. I only had one thought it was that i was dreaming.But deep in my mind i knew that i had just got bitten by a monster,A monster wich no one befriends...A vampire and know i knew i was one something i'd feared from birth




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Hermod This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 30, 2011 at 6:38 pm:

Please keep in mind that this is a constructive criticism.

The vocabulary is below average, the punctuation and grammar horrendous, the spelling under par, and your syntax could use a lot of work. Not to mention it is ridiculously short; I mean really, really short. Is it even a page in a word processor?

Then there are little things like word choice and sentence placement. It's not the worst story I've ever read, but it seems like you barely even tried...

I'm not tryi... (more »)

 
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PrettyInPurpleThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 7, 2011 at 8:25 pm:
Love it!:)
 
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Wasda said...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 9:23 pm:
very good. i was wondering do you like vampire storys Lamont.
 
Lamont A. replied...
Mar. 22, 2010 at 3:45 pm :
yes i love vampire stories
 
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dragonfan said...
Dec. 15, 2009 at 5:06 pm:
this is cool!
 
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spiderman said...
Sept. 29, 2009 at 2:20 pm:
its very interesting work on spelling
 
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Tybalt said...
Sept. 22, 2009 at 6:58 pm:
good job... *throws holy water on the comp.*
 
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Brenda S. said...
Sept. 19, 2009 at 3:15 pm:
i luv this!!!
 
Lamont A. replied...
Sept. 21, 2009 at 7:45 pm :
than you i am going to make a part two and i look forward to reading your stories too
 
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