Violet Vertigo

August 28, 2009
By bigjwill GOLD, Louisville, Kentucky
bigjwill GOLD, Louisville, Kentucky
14 articles 1 photo 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are."- C.S. Lewis


The sound of sharp, stiletto heels, woke the young and beautiful Violet Vertigo. With the beauty of a butterfly and the grace of a gazelle; she was the heart throb of every boy in town. If her beauty didn’t do it, it was her divine acting. Between her blood curdling screams and her crystal clear tears, you would believe it was true. To add to the list she had the voice of an angel. Her harmonious voice was sweeter than a siren’s call. She was also a bit quirky. She had an obsession of buying pet items and would inconveniently disappear at the most inconvenient of times!
Violet rubbed her eyes and checked the clock, 8:00, just six more hours! It was Violet’s birthday and she couldn’t wait for her thirteenth birthday party, she was having it at the Meadowbrooke Theater of the Divine Arts! She had asked for a hair dye set, a purple bath robe, lavender bubble-bath, violet slippers, lilac pillows, and magenta mittens.
I’ll get to see my dad! Mr. Vertigo and Ms. Vine had split when Violet was eight. Violet’s dad was a business man and spent a lot of time away from the family. Virginia Vine, Violet’s mom, gradually fell out of love with him. Violet never understood parents would ever split, leaving the child stuck in the middle.
“Vi! Breakfast!” Ms. Vine called. Virginia had been a famous movie star. Virginia was also the perfect role model for Violet. Violet started following in her mothers footsteps in second grade, when she starred in her own composition “One Violet, many Weeds.”
“Coming Mom,”repliedViolet.
“I made your favorite! It's a bacon, sausage, cheese, ham, egg, bologna omelette!” As you can tell, Violet had quite an appetite.
“Thank you mom! So... Is there anything you want to say to me?” asked Violet, with an excited trill.
“Right! Let’s Not forget the birthday girl!”
Violet and her mom sat down for a breakfast fit for a queen and laughed about when Violet was little.
“So are you looking forward to your party?” inquired Ms. Von D.
“Only a ton!”, retorted Violet.
“Well I know your party isn’t until later, but, here is and early gift!”
“OMG! A purple cashmere bath robe! Mom I love you!”
“I love you too honey!”
The mother and daughter laughed and hugged. Violet was living the dream of girls all around the world!
While the two were hugging the phone rang. Violet, quicker than a cheetah, pirouetted to the phone. “Heyo! The lovely Violet Vertigo speaking!”
“Hey Vi! It’s dad!” said the warm voice of Virgil Vertigo.
“OMG! I can’t wait to see you later! We can eat cake together, and laugh, and talk, and eat the dinner together, and....”
“Vi, that’s the thing, I can’t make it. Me and Venetia are going to an opera and I won’t have time for your party.”, interrupted Mr. Vertigo, with a guilty sound in his voice.
“What! I thought you loved me! I guess that witch is more important than me! I wish I could fly away and leave!” cried Violet, heartbroken.
“Vi! No! Don’t!”yelled Mr. Vertigo.
“...” Violet’s end of the line went silent.
“Vi! Are you there?! No!” Mr. Vertigo quickly dialed Virginia’s number. “Virginia! It's Violet! I, I think she might have changed!”
“What?! What did you do now?! Actually, I don’t want to know, I need to find my daughter!” cried Ms. Von D
Ms. Von D ran to the phone fast as she could (which, in heels, wasn’t very fast). When she got to the phone, there was a violet nightgown, purple socks, and a lilac feather. “No! She could be anywhere!” sobbed Ms. Von D to herself, “What happened? Not a bird!”
Violet was a shape-shifter, she could transform into any animal, but, that animal would, always, be purple. It was a talent she was born with, something kept top secret. Only a few people knew, and those few were sworn to secrecy.
“Hello? Animal Control? It’s Virginia Von D. I lost something very precious to me, my daughter. This time she is a lilac bird. Please help!”, at that point Ms. Von D burst into tears.
“Ms. Von D. I don’t know how to tell you this, but, we have a lilac finch in critical condition. It was struck by a car’s windshield. It has purple eyes, and it is crying magenta tears. Ms. Von D, I am sorry. If she does change back she will die instantaneously.”said the animal control agent, on the verge of tears himself.
“No! She is my whole life! Is there anything you can do?”squeaked Ms. Von D
“No, ma’am I am so sorry. She is terminal. We need to put her down.”
At this Ms. Von D started to sob hysterically. “What should I do? I love her!”
“Virginia, I love you and her, but she is in pain, the injection will not hurt and will run it’s course in three seconds.”
“Just do it! Please, promise me it won’t hurt her!”
“Virginia, I swear on my life, it will not hurt her.”
“Ok then, go.” Ms. Vertigo could hardly talk, her mascara stained face made it clear that she wanted to die herself.
The next week, the Von D house was painted black, inside and out. Except, for one room, the room of Violet Vertigo.
Virginia buried Violet in the Meadowbrooke cemetery. The lilac head stone read, “My beautiful Violet, you will never be forgotten.”
The next day, every newspaper printed a story of the tragic car accident that killed the young and beautiful, Violet Vertigo.


The author's comments:
This is my first attempt at a freeverse poem that tells a story. Fingers crossed!

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This article has 5 comments.


bigjwill GOLD said...
on Nov. 18 2009 at 3:36 pm
bigjwill GOLD, Louisville, Kentucky
14 articles 1 photo 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are."- C.S. Lewis

ok...thank you...

on Nov. 18 2009 at 11:06 am
AquariusSunandMoon SILVER, Sublette, Illinois
8 articles 17 photos 69 comments
First is that I like the essence of the story but it needs quite a bit of editing. One thing that really caught my attention was that you used an exclamation mark at the end of practically EVERY sentence. After about the sixth one my eyes just ignored them.

When Violet thinks about her party I would consider changing to wording to "Today was Violet's thirteenth birthday and she was having it at Meadowbrooke....."



(As you can tell, Violet had quite an appetite.) Right after you say this consider taking out the three following sentences since they don't really add anything to the story. Skip right to “So are you looking forward to your party?” inquired Ms. Von D.

Keep it simple. When Violet answers the phone all she needs to say is “OMG! I can’t wait to see you later!"

Changing "I guess that witch is more important than me" to "I can't believe you think that witch is more important than me" has more feeling in my opinion.

I find it very confusing when Mr. Vertigo calls back and Ms. Von D answers but apparently is still in the kitchen and the story makes it sound like the phone isn't in the same room.

Sorry for bothering you with all that! :-/

I would love it if you looked at my work as well. Here's the link.

TeenInk.com/search.php?smodel=article&s_title=&s_body=&s_screenname=aquariussun%26moon&s_firstname=amelia&s_lastname=f&s_city=sublette&s_state=IL&s_country=USA&s_section=&sart_tag=&sart_category0=&sart_screenname=&sart_firstname=&sart_lastname=&sart_city=&sart_state=&sart_country=&sall_title=&sall_screenname=&sall_firstname=&sall_lastname=&sall_city=&sall_state=&sall_country=&s_sitein1=magazine&s_sitein2=teenink&submit=+Search!+

Thanks!

bigjwill GOLD said...
on Nov. 16 2009 at 7:33 pm
bigjwill GOLD, Louisville, Kentucky
14 articles 1 photo 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are."- C.S. Lewis

I know...but thank you.

Kashif SILVER said...
on Nov. 15 2009 at 2:40 pm
Kashif SILVER, Jeddah, Other
7 articles 0 photos 7 comments
Hey. I think the story is narrated very colorfully, with good detail and words.

My advice is that you write stories(prose) with an idea like this.

The story does not look like a free-verse poem from any direction. This is not a criticism, but a suggestion that I feel you can write really good stories this way if you concentrate on that.

Otherwise, it was a very entertaining read. It is obvious that you have lots of writing talent.

Good luck for the future!

RobEJ BRONZE said...
on Sep. 17 2009 at 5:31 pm
RobEJ BRONZE, Louisville, Kentucky
3 articles 0 photos 13 comments
I like the story, and the names are very creative. My only criticism is that it needs a little more editing. Other than that it is great.


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