The Kimbinos

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Remember the Kimbinos? Of course you don’t. We came to this planet about ten years after you died (which, by the way, was four years after you retired). Your death was sort of comedic to be honest. You died in your sleep. Seriously, how did you manage that? Oh wait…I forgot. Before the Kimbinos showed up, that was relatively common. But that doesn’t happen anymore. We get chosen. By the Kimbinos. We choose ourselves. I bet you figured that out, though. I mean, compared to us, you are stupid, but you were an above-average person, so you can use some minor logic.

I’m sorry if that offends you, but you really are stupid. Look around you. Now.

You didn’t look. See, that’s why your race died out so quickly. If you are told to do something, you don’t do it. But I am serious, look around you.

LOOK!

Okay, did you see a single smart person? (Circle a response).




YES


NO


If you picked “Yes,” you have proven my point that you are stupid. If you picked “No,” you have proven my point that your society is stupid. See, we are so smart that we can form a question in which we can’t be wrong. Pretty smart, huh?

But, now I bet I am getting arguments. How many stupid people are objecting to my accusation of your stupidity? A lot, right? That is because you are all too stupid to realize you are stupid. Would you like me to inform you as to why you are stupid? (I am not giving you a choice; you are going to do it anyway. I just wanted to feel like you were in control. That’s an issue for you, I know). Well then step right up to:


The Magical Tour of Human Stupidity


Brought to you by: Frank the Kimbino.

Let’s start at the beginning. I know that working out of order can confuse to weak-minded of you already stupid people.

In the beginning, there was nothing. Then it exploded. Then a universe evolved.

Tell me, is that serious? Are you aware of how many of you people actually believe that? Obviously, you were created. By God. Yes, there is a God. He created you. That’s where you came from.

Now I’m sure there are lots of you stupid people saying: “Well if there is a God, why can’t we find him? We have satellites and telescopes and radar.”

Let’s have everybody who said this stand up. Now, let’s all tell them the error of their ways.

HEY FOOLS WHO ARE STANDING! LISTEN HERE! Obviously, God doesn’t live in the world he created. Do you think that God created a world around him? No. Then he would have had to deal with you stupid people. And nobody wants that. No, he created your world like an ant farm*. Remember the ant farm*. It’s important for later.

When you die (and when we are chosen), you spiritually enter his world. The good one. Obviously your body and mind stay in your world and rot and decay and become a delicious meal for worms. The part of you that knew how stayed behind, but the part of you that asks why moves on.

Now there are people (probably the ones that are standing up) that are going to ask: where in the body is this part?

It’s not tangible, you fool. Can you really not understand that there are things that exist other than what you can touch? Can you really not fathom that you, humans, are not all powerful? Do you humans truly, deep down, think that are you the best?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you are stupid. Er. Stupider.

You are not the best. You are not perfect. You are flawed. You are highly flawed. That’s why you died.

*Ant farm.

Okay, back to the ant farm. God created his ant farm, and he, to this day, watches over his ants (that’s you!).

Have you ever had an ant farm? Then I highly recommend getting one. You can realize just how mindless the ants in the farm are.

“THAT ANT HAS A BIGGER LEAF THAN ME! I DON’T LIKE HIM!”

That is not something an ant would do. That is, however, something you would do. I’m not trying to offend you. I’m just letting you know. It’s a fact. You people have jealousy. And for some reason, it’s always connected to size. You always want things to be bigger.
Well then I will give you this present:
YOU ARE STUPID!

You always like big things. Not only objects. You like to have control of lots of things. You want more. Always. You see, the Kimbinos are content with a house that has a chair for every Kimbino, a table, and beds. We don’t need lots of chairs. We don’t need lots of paintings. We don’t need TVs. For that matter, we don’t need anything to entertain us. We entertain each other. With our minds. We communicate with each other. We take interest in each other, which is something that your race lost interest in, especially when your technology was introduced.

What was it about technology that fascinated you so? Lots of bright, flashing, moving colors could hold your interest for hours. HOURS! You would never communicate with each other, just stare into these boxes, listen to these sounds, and control these pixels.

Although, I must say that when your adolescents got a hold of cellular communication, they would talk very much. Not with you, but among themselves.

I did some research (something that you people only did when you had to) and discovered that as technology evolved, your families began to fall apart.

For all you humans who are standing up, please sit down (but be ready to stand again!). Please stand up if your parental units are no longer functioning as one. A “divorce,” as you say, has divided them.

Thank you.

Such a thing never happens to Kimbinos. We communicate. We discuss things. That is why we survive.

Kimbinos are fantastic. We are all the same. Every last one of us, on the outside, is the same. We have the same physical characteristics.

Now I’m sure you stupid humans are about to object to me once again (you never learn. I have refuted you every single time, but still you line up to be knocked down again).

We were not always the same. No, no, no. There were big Kimbinos and little Kimbinos, there were blue Kimbinos and red Kimbinos, and some Kimbinos has long heads and others had wide feet. But it didn’t matter. We fell in love and mated with whoever we chose, and all the diversity began to mix until every Kimbino mixed with another Kimbino. We had all the diverse traits.

You on the other hand, killed those different from you.

So, so, so stupid. Humans, you really are stupid.

I could go on an on. You humans need to know what is wrong with you. But every time someone tried to help you, you kill them too. So I should probably stop talking before I suffer the likes of Jesus, Anne Frank, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., and the countless others who you killed before they could change the world.

I only wish you could have had the chance to save yourselves. You had so much promise. God created such an amazing thing when he created you. I wonder where he went wrong.





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This article has 1 comment. Post your own now!

Gossamer said...
Jul. 27, 2009 at 9:00 pm
I know, right! I mean, God didn't go wrong, we did, but I mean this is really, really insanely great.
 
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