She visited me this morning, bringing such a pale face and her eyes beautiful as always. She kneeled down beside the stone and cuddled herself down into a little ball. "Sweetheart, don't you remember? You promised me you'll always be by my side. I mm...." She cried, "I missed you so much." "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lie to you." I said, and bend down next to her. I wished I had the strength to wipe away her tears like I always do, for a moment I couldn't believe myself that whatever I say won't matter anymore. She smiled, wiping away her tears as it keeps falling "See, I promised you I can always smile. It's for you, am I still as beautiful as that time when we sneaked out at night just to look at the stars and you made me cry?" She sniffed, "Sweetheart, I didn't know why you had to lie to me at that time. Why does it have to hurt so much? Sweetheart I can't go on like this anymore. You never said 'good-bye' W..w..why?" Her smile faded away, her beautiful eyes teared up. I couldn't do anything else rather then watch her cry. I felt my own tears rising, I couldn't watch her no more, I couldn't listen to her words. "Please, I love you so much I don't want to see you like that, ever." I couldn't say more. *ring*ring*ring* She quickly wiped away her tears and picked up, "Hello? Oh Mom, don't worry about me...I'm okay...Yes...I'm just at the store buying supplies...haha...ok...I'll be home for that...Alright, bye." She sounded so dead trying to perfect up her tone, I smiled, "Thanks Hunny, thank you for smiling." She got up and starting walking toward her car. She turned around to look at me for one last time before opening the door to her car and smiled like how she would smile back then, and drove off. --later that night-- I watched her undressed, she was so much skinnier the last time I saw her. She slipped on her violet Pjs, I remembered it was the ones that I suggested her to wear the night I visited her and won't go home until 5 in the morning. I sat on the bed next to her and read her journal as she writes it down: 'I visited him this morning, and felt his presence by me. I told him about the night we sneaked out just to watch the stars, he lied to me that night though. No, I won't forget it, ever. He never said good-bye.' She closed up her journal and held it to her chest while she looked around the room, "are you here? Won't you watch me sleep tonight?" She lift up her pillow and replaced my photo with her journal. Slowly touching my cheek on the photo with her thumb, she tells me goodnight, layed down and placed the photo next to her holding it in her right hand. I watched her close her eyes, only to see a teardrop fall. I sat on the bed looking at her cry to sleep in amazement, touching her hair to her right cheek I replied, "I've never wanted to say goodbye," then I asked, not intending for a reply, "you really felt my presence?" And it hurted so much just to watch her sleep that night.
I Miss You
July 13, 2009